I think a nurse is taking advantage of my 91 year old mom with dementia. How can I stop this woman?

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This woman has called Human Services on me claiming I have stolen from my mother. When the man came to my mother's house, he talked to her alone, and my mother told him I had stolen nothing. The man told me that my mother is trying to get me off of her checking account, which I think is prompted by this nurse. I have been on her account for several years at the suggestion of the bank manager. I have spent hours reconciling her account to straighten it out. This nurse told my mother that if I would let her take care of my mother full time, then she would. My mother doesn't want her full time. She has told my mother that she may not be able to maneuver in another month, and will need her to care for her. She seems to be taking her over, and I don't know what to do. I had a Durable POA, and now mother says she can't find it.
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I think the nurse and the guy are in cahoots. Sounds like a scam. Yep, what all responders said. Please update us. We care!
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IMHO any caregiver trying to scare their client by telling them that they "won't be able to walk in a month" is not to be trusted!
Do a really thorough background check on the next nurse you hire (criminal, credit, call references). We discovered via "ripoff.com" that a caregiver my very elderly neighbor wanted to hire had stolen from her previous client & refused to leave after the woman's death (not caused by her though).
There is also a website designed for landlords called "MySmartMove.com" that is very good at doing a criminal background check, as well as a credit check & a list of past addresses (make sure these check out, & that they are who they say they are). I'm not sure that it is technically supposed to be used for employment, but given that a hired nurse could also be potentially living in the house at some point I wouldn't be inclined to quibble about it. The more info you get about people the better. Good ones are proud of their reputation, and will be GLAD to give you all the references/background check info/etc. you could possibly want, and the bad ones will get irate, defensive, insulted, and go away. We use this site for screening roommates, and it's amazing the response we've gotten when people find out we really ARE going to check their credit history, criminal background, and references. Some just never answered our e-mails, one told us flat out "you won't want me as a roommate if you check my background". um...OK. She was probably right.
Best of luck! Maybe two people tag-teaming it will be better, since your Mom is likely to need increasing care, & people can get sick/have family emergencies, etc.
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hospice bears keeping an eye on. they ideally would like to see all patients put in nursing homes. its more profitable for them because the NH does all the caregiving . as of aug 2013 medicare is reducing the payment for hospice in NH settings. theres a tremendous conflict of interest going on right now. in hindsight i wish i had opted for a secular hospice. these faith based people creep me out with their all knowingness and self ritiousness. they are not non profits. they are disgustingly rich fraudsters taking advantage of volunteers and underpaid peons..
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There is a special place in Hell for people who take positions in health care and abuse their caregivees. And a special place in Heaven for people who take positions in health care and help their caregivees. IMO.
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Doesn't the lawyer who did the POA have a copy? Don't you? If not, get a lawyer over there and do another one right away then fire this woman and make a complaint to her agency. When you get the POA (this nurse might have found and destroyed the old one) keep it with you!
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Dear Ooconnork,

I am a home healthcare nurse and I wanted to tell you that we're not all like this intruder you have working with your mom. I take my responsibilites very seriously and am not only respectful of my patients but their families as well. I would never get in the middle of a family the way this nurse has. She is unethical, lacks integrity, and probably has ulterior motives that may or may not be clear yet. As someone above me said, GET RID OF HER RIGHT THIS MINUTE (not shouting, just emphasizing). If she works for an agency call the agency and report her and demand that she be removed from the home. If she doesn't have an agency you still have all the power to fire her. If you fire her and she refuses to leave, call the police.

I am so, so sorry that you have to go through this. You have enough on your plate already with your mom without having to deal with an unscrupulous healthcare worker coming into the home. Once this awful woman is dealt with, go through an agency to find another nurse. If you don't want your mom to be without staff while you fire this nurse call in an agency and get a relationship going with them. Feel free to share with them what's going on. An agency will send out a nurse to do an assessment, this is your initial contact with the agency. Once the assessment is made the agency will find the nurse they think best fits what your mom's needs are. Home healthcare agencies are used to working around the clock and accepting patients at the last minute. I don't know how many calls I've received in the a.m. by my agency asking me if I could get to a particular location in 1 hour. My point is that it's not necessarily a long process. If you need someone fast, a nursing agency can usually accommodate you.

Again, I'm so sorry you're having a horrible time with this hired nurse. She has stepped way over the line and has conducted herself in a dishonest and most unprofessional manner. We're not all like that. I'm proud of the work I do and I'm proud to represent my agency. Whoever you get after this monster is gone, be honest with them about what happened with this current nurse. I know I would appreciate knowing this kind of background prior to one of my cases. If a family had been burned before I would bend over backwards and go the extra mile to ensure the family feels safe and secure having me in the home.

Now go fire her and let us know how it went.
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Is this nurse an independent contractor, or does she work with an agency? If an agency, talk to them about this. Who pays the nurse? Can you enlist your mother's doctor to try to get to the bottom of this?

You say your mother has mild dementia. Are you sure the nurse really said to her the things your mother reports? Is it possible the nurse reported you to Human Services because of your mother told her you were stealing? Maybe the problem isn't the nurse, but your mother's dementia. You should at least consider that.

And it may be that, in fact, she will soon need full time care. (Think about assisted living.) A 91-year-old woman with dementia shouldn't be alone.

You're right to be alert. There are dishonest caregivers. But make sure that the apparent problem with the nurse isn't the tip of a different iceberg.
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Ok, I've been in this spot with a caregiver, not a nurse, but GET HER OUT ASAP!!! I had to go to a lawyer, my mom got a lawyer, the caregiver reaped the benefits. It was a mess! There are people out there doing this as a profession and its next to impossible to get them charged because they know how to do it. I'm just saying you and your mom could be headed for immense heartache!!!!
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