We've had nurse evaluation, physical therapy and now a social worker and I'm getting nowhere, what's next? - AgingCare.com

We've had nurse evaluation, physical therapy and now a social worker and I'm getting nowhere, what's next?

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I've posted before, 90 y/o mother lives with me, I'm single and only living relative left. We do not get along. She has not been diagnosed, but I believe she has narcissistic personality disorder. No empathy, cruel, must have her way. Has threatened to call the police and tell them I'm abusing her. Spoke to her PCP so we have had nurse evaluation, physical therapy, and now a social worker to the house. I am seeing a Christian counselor. Mom lies during visits, blames me for everything, and nurse said she's in complete denial as her needing me to function both mentally and physically. I'm at my wits end. She is not receptive to anything and will not divulge any financial info so they can determine what help she qualifies for. Where can I go from here. I have lost my life, no boundaries in my house (she will not comply) and I'm getting migraines again. Is my only option to see a lawyer and have her removed from my house?

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Frustrated, we can feel your pain and frustration. Believe me, no one wants to call / get a lawyer and say " I need to evict my 90 year old demented mother". But if it's the only way to get her the help she needs, that's what you have to do. No one is going to tell you this is easy. It's just necessary. She needs more, and more skilled help than you alone can provide.
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The situation has deteriorated my health and has gotten worse, not better, since previous postings. My mom has deteriorated considerably in the last 6 mos. or so making matters even worse. It's a train wreck waiting to happen. I've been out of work for over a year, but keep looking as I am using retirement money to get by. With mom's current state leaving her 9-10 hours a day is not safe for her or my house. I'm being forced to take action. The last thing I want to do is get the law involved with family matters, but when all else fails it appears I have no choice. It's not easy, one minute I see a stubborn, nasty, uncaring woman bullying me, the next I see a frail, confused 90 y/o old. Feels like I'm choosing the lesser of the evils with any decision. I do feel more supported with all of those that have been at the house and in contact lately as they all now are seeing what I have tried to explain as the circumstances. I will re-read previous answers. I thank you all for your support, you are in it or have experienced it, you know it's not easy....
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Frustrated, it seems that you've taken some actions, but none that have helped thus far.

You may recall, that last time you wrote, someone said "this isn't going to be pretty". Well, here it is. Your mom is mentally ill. She's refusing help and "won't consider" alternate plans, nor will she consider your health. She threatens you when you try to set boundaries. And clearly, she's considered "competent ".

So, get yourself a lawyer. You need to protect yourself from your mom's health - destroying behaviors. If she's competent, she can get housing for herself, health services and the like, without your help. I suspect those folks who deal with her will soon find out the truth and a guardian will be appointed for her to manage her affairs.

The Bible says to "honor" our parents, not to let them destroy our lives. And by the way, the Bible also says that you can ask the community to assist you in stoning your oppositional child to death. Interesting book, that.
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Oh, hey, we did give you good advice back nearly a year ago. Are you more ready to act now?
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Go back and read the advice we gave you in December 2014. It still applies.
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In your shoes, I would need to evict her.

I'm curious how it came to be that you took her into your home. Did you set up a caregiving contract? And if do, what are the provisions for ending it?

In any event, you need to see a lawyer to protect YOUR rights and your health.
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I don't know if it is the only option, but it sure sounds like the best option to me.
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