I need some advice, please. I am at the end of my rope. There is an 11 year age gap between my sister and I. Our father was present in her life and always said she was her favorite (I am so o.k. with that). While growing up, my father was pretty much absent in my life and my mother's. No biggie. My mom made up for it. He only cared about himself-going to the bars with friends, golfing, going on hunting trips out of state, and then he became "depressed" because his business failed and he was left bankrupt. His solution, stay home and sleep or go to his mother's house so she could make him lunch. So who worked and went to school full-time - yep me. My mom was able to find work...guess who had to take and pick her up from work-yep-it started because dad would not pick her up (she did not know how to drive). Everything has always been about dad and he loves to "cry wolf".
My only sister passed away 3 years ago from colon cancer. Her husband and grown children would not accompany or take her to doctors appointments and treatments out of town, so guess who did..my husband and I. During this time, my mom was diagnosed with lung and neck cancer. If it had not been for me, my father would have never taken my mother to the doctor when she began having symptoms. Who took her? Yep, my husband and I. My husband and I talked about it and knew dad would not take care of her so we moved in with them. So, the whole time mom was treated for cancer, I took care of her. I took her to her appointments, treatments, and stayed with her numerous times at the hospital, cooked and cleaned for her, paid her bills, etc. She ended up with brain aneurysms and the cancer spread to her brain and bones. During this time my husband was diagnosed with several diseases and became disabled. I take care of him now (he is no problem at all).
Throughout the years, I witnessed my father verbally and physically abuse my mother. My mother was the sweetest person you could ever meet and always helped others.
When we found out my mom's cancer spread this last time, my father basically told my husband he did not want to have to deal with it. (Dad became quite jealous because we took really good care of mom-nothing was wrong with him). While I was at work, my mom started having seizures and my husband found her. He asked my dad to call 911, dad said she was o.k. The month before she died, my husband witnessed my father calling my mother the "b" word several times. Broke my heart, I can't imagine how she felt. Unknown to us, mom developed sepsis. For three weeks we went back and forth to the hospital to which they said it was COPD. My father would not sleep downstairs with my mom to keep an eye on her (she could not walk up the stairs at that point). So, my husband and I did. Mom ended up at the hospital and had to be resuscitated and put on a ventilator. Mom always told me she did not want to live like a vegetable. Doc told me that if even if she made it through the sepsis, the cancer would kill her. So, who made the decision to take her off life support..not dad..me. It was the absolute hardest thing I have ever done. I did not want her to leave but I was not going to let her suffer. After she passed, dad said to me, "Well, all I have is you". His family showed up but like always, he did not want to deal with them and left me there. Tired of it, I went and grabbed him out of his vehicle and told him to deal with them.
Immediately, my dad thought he "moved" into mom's place..meaning, I care for him now-call in his prescriptions, make and take him to appointments, call and make his reservations for his trips, pay his bills, make him dinner, clean up after him. The only thing wrong with him is high blood pressure & he takes meds for it-it is controlled. He also works and drives. He has "faked" several accidents at home. Of course, they are all done when we are out running errands. Dad has always been an "unkept" person-meaning he might take a bath once a month. His living habits are gross. He likes to cough all over you, your drink, your food, without covering his mouth. In front of other people, he will cover his mouth. He loves to pick his nose in front of you and wipe his finger on things, he leaves the gum he is chewing sitting on the counter, table, etc. He does not wash his hands and will even use those hands to food that we all eat. His body odor is horrendous-mom covered it up good. He has kicked our dog and she now has a bad knee. My husband and I can't take it anymore. We have resorted to living in our bedroom and I am tired of trying to keep our home clean and maintained because my father won't do anything except germ it up. (I inherited my mom's half of the house). I am at the end of my rope. I would never do anything to hurt my father but I avoid & want absolutely nothing to do with him. My mom loved her home and I hate to leave it but I can't stand dad. Advice? Am I wrong, crazy?