We've decided it is time to place dad in nursing home. We have been blessed with super human caregivers for dad. They are retired RN's who work for very little pay. One has been with us for over 6 years and started a few hours a week. She is extremely flexible and generous with her time and has become invaluable through our journey. She even did 24/7 for a short time while we scrambled to find help when our needs changed. I moved across the street to take 12 hr shifts until we found our second angel about 3 yrs ago. Now I was able to stay evenings and weekends. Mom and I were able to manage until Jan of this yr. But mom is physically unable to take care of him by herself and I am 60 and disabled (back) so while we could manage with the 2 of us, neither of us should be doing it and it has come to a point that we are both in so much pain and his mobility is severely limited so it takes 2 people to get him out of bed or a chair or the toilet (which he only uses occasionally now). We hired a weekend nurse for 12hrs a day so I could take a break but I still am there 3hrs every nite and 12hrs at nite on weekends. Even the nurses now need help to change him, the bedding, and the showering or bed bath. That means mom has to help them when I'm not there. In addition to all of this, she lost 2 sons since this caregiving and the last remaining brother is in his final days or even hours (all 3 my brothers). My only remaining sibling is a sister who lives thousands of miles away. She comes as often as possible, but she has a demanding job and is not in very good health and has grandchildren with serious health issues as well. We have all agreed that it is time for dad to be placed in a facility. We have done all we can and feel that we have kept him home as long as possible.
Our angels are, of course, emotionally invested and very attached to the family. They work so hard for so little because they know that is all we can afford. They cover for each other and for me and we know they will be devastated. The one who has been with us for 3 years is also completely dependent on the income. She does the day shift and the majority of the work. They all live in the same complex as us. I think they think we have money and they know we have long term insurance but that only covers about 1/2 of their pay. The rest is out of pocket for my mom which is why I was covering about 70 hrs a week. The nursing home will cost much more and the insurance max will be reached very soon. Then Medicaid will kick in. We want to do right by these women. What would be appropriate for severance pay? I wish we could give them a million dollars but the truth is whatever we do will be out of pocket and that pocket is no longer very deep. Paid caregivers please advise me.