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I now see this is an old post so must have been taken care of by now.
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Why don't you want to deal with this, is it both urine or both. why is your husband incontinent? Is he able to do any of the changing himself? Is your marriage basically over and you can't bear to touch him?
There is nothing wrong with not wanting him to come back home for whatever reason, so make other arrangements for his care. you wont do a very good job if you don't want to do it so he may be happier elsewhere.
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I am a caregiver for several family and friends. I deal with this issue with hospitals all the time. From just a practical point of view, the hospital will try and get your husband out of there as quickly as possible. For years now, hospitals have been treating loved ones as nurses and doctors, fully expecting us to do things that we are not trained to do and/or we are uncomfortable doing.
Make absolutely certain, by talking to your husband's doctor that it is even medically safe for him to leave the hospital. Then you can put your foot down firmly and ask for rehab if you don't think he is ready to go home and you can't care for his health. In the alternative, you can also ask for home health aides to come until he is able to be considered rehabbed. I am assuming of course, that the incontinence is temporary. If it is permanent, that is another conversation.
You are your best advocate. Do not ever be afraid to tell medical people you can't or won't be responsible to do medical procedures that you can't do. Best of luck to you......always keeping caregivers in my prayers.
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Whats important is that you take the time to step back and logically look at the situation. There were several times when I chose to keep piling on more work and responsibility because I let my heart and guilty feelings make the decisions, while at the same time my head was telling me (more like screaming) that my cup was already running over and it'd be too much for me to handle. As a result, I'm paying dearly for making those choices with my health.

Its a choice that you have to make with keeping the best interest of both of you in mind - your health and welfare right along with his. Take away the guilty feelings and it'll help clear the way to making the right decision.
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My father did this for my mother. He was very devoted to her. However, we all told him many times, we would not be upset if he placed her in a memory care facility. What concerned us was we had already lost our mother, for all practical purposes. The stress and demands of her 24/7 care took a toll on him, and it meant he couldn't attend major family events. It is not wrong to question what you can and cannot do. It is healthy to question them.
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