I'm not sure really if this is the right place for this or even honestly the right sort of forum because is goes beyond just my father. My father is disabled. He has dementia, prosthetic leg and uses a walker to get around. He's prone to falling down a lot. My niece (14) lives with them as her mother is unfit. I'll try to keep this fairly short. My mother moved them into an extremely small trailer several hours away so I'm no longer able to help out with him. They were down visiting my sister not too long ago and my mother asked my sister if she would be interested in taking my dad. She cannot as they live in an upstairs apartment and she has two small kids. He told my sister he doesn't like it there because he doesn't have space to move around. My niece is constantly texting me about how stressed she is because she's become pretty much the one taking care of him because my mother keeps taking off for hours at a time to go see her "friend" I have my suspicions there but no proof. Now keep in mind all this is coming from my niece. I have no reason not to believe her but being 14 it's hard to say what is overly dramatized as insensitive as that may sound. The following is stuff that has been recounted to me. When he falls down mom won't help to pick him up and will instead call her "friend" to come over and help dad. When my niece tries to express concerns about mom leaving dad for several hours she gets mad. Overheard mom telling her friend "why can't I just kill him?" When mom leaves for several hours my niece will text her asking when she is coming back and what's for dinner which of course is met with an angry text. This is stuff that I have heard first hand prior to the move. She has spread multiple lies about him. Talked about how she hates him. Talked about how he lies. He has fallen down and left him there till I got over to pick him up. (She will claim her knees hurt too much) Talked about putting him in assisted living to which I told her would be a good idea. I'm really worried about how all this is affecting him in his final years as well as the mental toll it's taking on my niece. It's a huge burden for her. She badly wants to escape her. My hands are pretty well tied at the moment as I live in a one bedroom apartment and work a lot of hours. 5-6 days a week. I thought about trying to get ahold of the housing authority up there to see if they can investigate things over there. Honestly, I'm just not really sure what to do about all this or who to contact. Thanks for any advice.

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Be careful. The 14 yr old could be put in Foster care. Thats not fair to her. She has already lost a mother.
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That's what I want do. My mother however doesn't want to put him in one because she's afraid she would lose his social security check.

I think the biggest obstacle in this is having to battle it out with my mother. She's supposed to be his caregiver which she's not really doing. And obviously a 14 year old girl isn't equipped to take care of a elderly man in his condition.

I hadn't actually thought of Protection Services at all! Honestly,I didn't even really realize there was such a thing. I always thought it had to go through lawyers but I am most certainly going to look into it right away!
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jeannegibbs Jun 2018
Metuura, yes, your mother will most certainly lose his SS check if he goes into a care center. But that check is to be used for his care in any case. Are we saying she will no longer be able to cheat him out of it? I'll bet you don't think that is a good reason to burden the young teen any more than I do.

APS is charged with ensuring vulnerable adults are not exploited or abused. Child Protection Services is charged with investigating possible child abuse. I think that these are both usually county agencies. I think that 14 yo is being exploited, if not actually abused. Looking after her interests can be part of the picture, too. But perhaps that can wait to see what APS has to say about the situation.

Gold stars to you for taking some responsibility for your father. He needs an advocate truly on his side!
A good solution is already in your post. Place the dear man in a suitable care facility! Since you seem the most interested in his care, I think I would try to make it near you.

What are the obstacles you might face in arranging this? Many people here have faced every obstacle you can name, so tell us about yours, and others can offer suggestions.

I don't think it is the housing authority you want to call. Have you considered Adult Protection Services?
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