Mother is capable but insists on being waited on hand and foot. She refuses to go anywhere. We will be housebound for the month we have to care for her. We want to provide her with good care but we are sure our patience will wear thin. Help!
So you and Sis are moving into her house for a month? Who is caring for her now? Who will care for when the month is up? Are you giving someone respite? For example, is her husband taking a vacation?
Your profile says she has incontinence. That could certainly account for her not wanting to go out. It tends to make people a touch on the crabby side, as well. (I speak from experience, currently dealing with side effects of a new medication.)
Since she can't even control her own body, maybe it is tempting to exert as much control as she can elsewhere, like on the people who care for her. You do not have to go along with that agenda, of course. Help her with what she needs help with. But it is OK to encourage her to do what she can for herself. In fact, that is really best for her.
BUT you'll only be there a month. What will be easiest for you? Maybe just catering to her whims would be less trouble than trying to break her old habits.
Give us a little more information about the situation and you'll probably get more specific responses.
Thirty days! 2 people care giving! Sounds like a good time to get close to mom, show her love and respect. Having a good attitude from the moment she's with you, should be the key. 30 days will fly by! More info as to why you are apprehensive would be helpful. Thanks M88
Alliemar, what do we do? If you are having this many questions before you start, the thing you should be saying right now is: I COULD NOT POSSIBLY DO THAT!
Ok, if you are going to do it anyway, ask detailed questions as you go along, and someone will answer it for you.
You guys are the best...Here is a little more info...Mom's husband is caring for her full time and is doing a fantastic job. He needs a break so he will be taking a trip. They need to be moved closer to us but refuse to. Yes! We are fortunate that this is only 30 days however we have full-time jobs and will need to work out 24 hour care for her (which we can do, but it will be a big task). Lastly, she has always been a hard person to deal with and is very hard on her daughters. We love her because she is our mother and we will do our very best but it won't be easy. We discussed last night to move her to our house so we can keep working as much as we can. I'm concerned about her not wanting to come and I certainly don't want to make her more uncomfortable/upset. Our house is handicapped accessible. We will need to have a toilet chair but we think the house will be the best place. Thoughts?
Allie-- You say she is "capable"...can she walk and get around? Is she just hard to deal with, emotionally...or does she truly require 24/7 care? I'm just wondering.
My mother can still walk around, care for herself and make simple meals and feed herself--but the part about liking to waited on hits close to home. If I had to take care of her for a month, I would have to go to her place. (we have stairs and she can't make it up those).
A little more info about her physical and mental condition would help.
30 days with two caregivers will go by quickly, but probably won't be much "fun". Bless you for giving your mom's husband a break.
You say that your mom needs her husband to care for her. It must be quite a job as he needs respite time. Good for him.
You say that she has mobility problems, is incontinent, is difficult, is resistant......well.. I can't see much of anything being easy when it comes to her care. That kind of person requires a lot of energy, effort and time. She may be demanding, but even if she weren't, it's a job to be a fulltime caretaker.
Have you spent around the clock time with her lately? Do you really know the extent of her medical and mental issues? Sometimes, seniors exaggerate what they can do and downplay their needs. If she is that difficult, I'd find out why.
Often taking care of people's physical needs is not the hard part. Sometimes, it's controlling their behavior, soothing their fears and keeping them safe that is challenging. What will you do if she resists your attempts to care for her?
Is she on medication? Are you arranging for backup care and extra care in case of an emergency?
Does she sleep through the night or do you need someone to be there just for that.
I would also consider what happens if her husband gets sick and can't retrieve her in 30 days or just decides that he can't do it anymore.
There are many things to consider. I hope it works out. If she is manageable, it could be a good chance for you to catch up and bond as mother and daughter.
Your profile says she has incontinence. That could certainly account for her not wanting to go out. It tends to make people a touch on the crabby side, as well. (I speak from experience, currently dealing with side effects of a new medication.)
Since she can't even control her own body, maybe it is tempting to exert as much control as she can elsewhere, like on the people who care for her. You do not have to go along with that agenda, of course. Help her with what she needs help with. But it is OK to encourage her to do what she can for herself. In fact, that is really best for her.
BUT you'll only be there a month. What will be easiest for you? Maybe just catering to her whims would be less trouble than trying to break her old habits.
Give us a little more information about the situation and you'll probably get more specific responses.
2 people care giving!
Sounds like a good time to get close to mom, show her love and respect.
Having a good attitude from the moment she's with you, should be the key.
30 days will fly by!
More info as to why you are apprehensive would be helpful.
Thanks
M88
I COULD NOT POSSIBLY DO THAT!
Ok, if you are going to do it anyway, ask detailed questions as you go along, and someone will answer it for you.
You say she is "capable"...can she walk and get around? Is she just hard to deal with, emotionally...or does she truly require 24/7 care? I'm just wondering.
My mother can still walk around, care for herself and make simple meals and feed herself--but the part about liking to waited on hits close to home. If I had to take care of her for a month, I would have to go to her place. (we have stairs and she can't make it up those).
A little more info about her physical and mental condition would help.
30 days with two caregivers will go by quickly, but probably won't be much "fun". Bless you for giving your mom's husband a break.
You say that she has mobility problems, is incontinent, is difficult, is resistant......well.. I can't see much of anything being easy when it comes to her care. That kind of person requires a lot of energy, effort and time. She may be demanding, but even if she weren't, it's a job to be a fulltime caretaker.
Have you spent around the clock time with her lately? Do you really know the extent of her medical and mental issues? Sometimes, seniors exaggerate what they can do and downplay their needs. If she is that difficult, I'd find out why.
Often taking care of people's physical needs is not the hard part. Sometimes, it's controlling their behavior, soothing their fears and keeping them safe that is challenging. What will you do if she resists your attempts to care for her?
Is she on medication? Are you arranging for backup care and extra care in case of an emergency?
Does she sleep through the night or do you need someone to be there just for that.
I would also consider what happens if her husband gets sick and can't retrieve her in 30 days or just decides that he can't do it anymore.
There are many things to consider. I hope it works out. If she is manageable, it could be a good chance for you to catch up and bond as mother and daughter.
Liking your idea to bring her to your home.