I'm not sure if mom needs to be placed in a nursing home. What should we do?

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Before my fathers accident last year which placed him in a nursing home, he was doing everything for my mother except pay bills. Now with my father a nursing home, my brother and his wife do what they can to help my mother, (my other brother doesn't want to be bothered with my mom and I lived 95 miles away. My mother is a diabetic on Insulin and also on oxygen due to COPD and she is also obese. My mom has major back problems and states it's too painful to stand to dishes or vaccuum or even make the bed. Brother reports that he's getting calls from my mother because she has fallen and needs help getting up. The only thing my mom does is sit in a chair all day watching tv, eats tv dinners or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, will drive to go see my dad in a nursing home but she has to have help getting her wheelchair and oxygen tanks out of the car and expects my brother who is unemployed to cater to her every wim and drive up to the nursing home to help her. My brother has express his frustration and my mother is very difficult woman to deal with. She will refuse to go into a nursing home or an assisted living facility. What should we do?

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You certainly have your hands full.

She doesn't quite sound ready. She can still live alone without burning down the house. The question is, how upset is your brother about this? (Does she pay him? If she doesn't, you two could ask her to start, and then brother might be less frustrated.) He could call 911 the next time she falls. I guess she hasn't hurt herself yet. It will probably take an injury to get things to change. If she is admitted to the hospital, and there is no one available to give her the level of care she needs, they will have to find a placement for her.

You could discuss with her how she will get by when your brother gets a job. I hope he can, even in this economy. Maybe she could get some help to lose weight and improve her health if he won't be available. (Yeah, right.) Just don't take her into your home if you don't want to. Can she pay for any home health care?

If she doesn't have a lot of money, you can prepare for the future by learning about Medicaid and how to qualify for it. Good luck. It won't be easy.
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