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Didn't know I needed to know that was my tag line. Now I go to seminars to know what I need to know before I need it. How do you prepare for future changes, and am I the only one that "didn't know that was going to happen"

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You are right that you need to live your own life. If she has four children, when they are called upon (as in you are not doing it all anymore) someone will come forward. They are taking advantage of you. If you do it all, they don't have to. Let them know that you will be moving, that Grandma will need a place to live and that it's their responsibility to take care of this.

Grandma will fuss, but if you find a good place, she will adjust. Visit as often as you can to help her with the transition. Turn it over to her children. You can't be held hostage.

Take care of yourself, too.
Carol
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I'm new here and am a bit confused. My parents organized everything in advance to be taken care of at home comfortably. They did the same for my grandparents and so on. Why aren't there as many options for good home care as there are for assisted livng and nursing homes? I joined to find out more about juggling housekeepers and insurance, but everybody seems to be putting their parentsin homes. Am I missing something?
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Welcome Annlidiot, I don't think you're missing anything...yet. But the day will probably come when you realize you are missing 'a life of your own,' the one that you used to enjoy very much before taking on the role of caregiver. I think the options for good home care are hard to find because very few hired/paid helpers can have the care and concern that family members have. And if you are lucky enough to find help that you and your elder are comfortable with, it is very costly. I used to have help that I hired through a friend of a friend. She was very good to my grandmother but it didn't take long for the costs to add up. Once a personal relationship/ friendship was set, it didn't take long before good will was taken for granted and then outright taken advantage of. I tolerated it for a while because she made my grandma happy and I didn't want to deal with a 'hissy fit' because I changed grandma's routine. Then I tried getting a service to come in - but consistency is key. It was a disaster when they tried to send someone other than the regular. I currently use a cleaning service to take care of household chores, and they only say hi and smile at my grandma as they clean around her, but even that was cause for a feud. She claims to be 'set in her ways' and I'm being generous to merely agree with her description in this post. She is my full time job and some days she makes me nuts, but not enough to put her in a home...well, not yet. Though to be honest I must admit I do think about it often and there was one day I actually visited nursing homes in my area.

PS- Figuring out that insurance stuff is fun isn't it? Not!!!
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There are many options available for you. And many seniors have great care due to the programs out there. But if you want government assistance, you'll have to send Mom to a government facility. They won't pay a private family member to care for Mom. They have to be able to regulate things. That's fair, I believe. When parents are impoverished, the government will help. I mean taxpayers. But a taxpayer won't hand you their hard-earned dollars to be a caregiver. That would not be fair. There are day programs, Home Care Nurses, and other helps available. Each county/city/state is different, so check with yours. You have to declare all Mom's assets, and she has to have below a certain amount of money in the bank to qualify. But that's the only way the government will or should help. If family wants to do it, they will have to fund their personal choices by working part time jobs, or whatever. The government is not going to pay family members, because there is no way to oversee if someone is committing fraud or not, unless they have direct involvement. It is a protection for the government and for the senior. I understand you are spending your time, but we (taxpayers) can't pay you for that. And we are the government. But if Mom can't afford to eat, she won't be left to starve. You say you can't afford a nice place, but there are wonderful facilities out there for Mom that the government programs will fund. You just have to do the legwork. I did, and our Dads are doing great!
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I'm not sure what you saying, put i plan on retiring in 2011, and if my grandmother is still living, i have to place her in some type of care. I'm thinking it will be a nursing home of some kind. Shes not going to like it if she in her right mind. But my husband and i are thinking about moving to another state. My husband thinks i'm taking her with me but i can't. I want to start living my life. she has 4 living children. i'v been doing this for the last five years. it's time for someone else to take a turn. That would be so hard on us if we move to another state were we no, no-one. I don't know whats going to happen. i know i should not be thinking about it now, but i do. This is going to be a big change for her and well as myself. How do i start reparing her for this. I talk about it from time to time. she says that right you have to live your life, just put me in a place she says, but when she acting out and tell her that i'm going to put her in a place, she not willing to go. she tells me i don't love her i don't want her around, and starts to tell me about what all shes done for me. So whats going to happen when she has to go?

BGB
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Here is some real help with real people that not only have the answers, but are willing and able to go after the result. In California we call them HICAP, Health Insurance Counseling and Advocacy Program. They are the only people that truly understand the maze of insurance, and how to win. Also the Council on Aging is a fabulous resource! These are free resources and available to anyone who is caregiving or over 65. I have used them repeatedly with clients. They even understand and have won appeals with the VA when benefits have been turned down. In CA, they run a series of free seminars, check them out in your state it is so worth it. http://www.medicare.gov/contacts/static/allStateContacts.asp
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I have no insurance and I am a self-representing artist with very little income. But I am living with my mom in her house so that she can stay there. Because, honestly, there is no way we could afford any place nice for her to live if she couldn't live in her own house (my sister and brother both have very tiny houses that are hardly even big enough for them and their families.

Taking care of my mom is becoming my full time job and I have not heard of any programs in the state of CT that can help ease the burdon of her care. In fact it seems as if it's getting harder as medicare, connpace and other gov't health assistance shrinks what they will cover.
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Carol, our community is thriving! (At least for seniors, and caregiving services available...) Is this not true in other communities? My Mom was in a different county, and there's tons of programs and services there, as well. All our seniors are WELL cared-for, housed, and fed through these programs. Is this a fluke in these two areas or our state? Some of these programs are also federal, and we don't go without any good thing. I don't understand the struggle here. We have more than we need, and some to choose from. The greater the need, the greater the care and services available. Certainly it's not an isolated benefit for my family, is it?! There certainly are services available, but perhaps not the cash some are looking for...?
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Just now I discovered something that might help others. I was having problems with the nursing home rehab the husband is in. To make it short he has passed out three times and was taken to the local hospital and admitted twice-yesterday was the thrid time and the ER always says it is from dehydration-they do not give out fresh water daily and it is true he should ask for it but at least once he was told they were busy and not to make SILLY REQUESTS. I did call the nursing home last night so they could educate their staff and the supervisor quoted me his I and O- INTAKE AND OUTPUT for the day. Well today I went to the hospital and he said the water in the bucket was from the day before and they made up the intake and output-after he left at 3pm to be taken to the hospital. Today I called to find out the name of yheir ombudsmen and was told they did not have one so I asked to speak to the supervisor while I was waiting to hear back from her I put the nursing home's name in the computer and up popped their last inspection and their deficiencies which were bedsores and the spread of infections they were 2-3-and4 4 being the worse. So before anyone plans to put their loved ones in a nursing home besides it being close enough so someone can go in often just check out their inspections it was so easy even I was able to do it BYMYSELF.
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I would like to know why when a prisoner is release from prison he automatic receives cell phones medical insurances dental ins and a host of other benefits and our aging people have no such options???
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