I turned over the POA to an attorney my lady friend suggested several months back since I could not handle the demands of 24 hour care. At first, he (as guardian) had 24-hour caregivers at her home. Two weeks ago, I was notified that she was admitted to an Alzheimer's Unit in an email. At first, I was told that I would be allowed to visit after two weeks; then it was extended for another two weeks. Today, I received a letter from her Guardian saying that, after speaking with her physician, I am permanently banned from seeing her without a valid reason. When she passes, I am the executor of her estate and have all responsibility for her funeral, etc. I am devastated that the Guardian would pull such a stunt. I can not prove or disprove his claim that he spoke with the doctor overseeing her care. He may have just done it to keep me from seeing her. I am the only person who will visit her. Her son and sister care zero about her. I am disappointed and perplexed. Any thoughts, suggestions, etc., would be very much appreciated.
Just send a copy of the letter, then ask simply, "Trying to confirm that as her doctor, you have ordered me not to be able to see your patient".
My friend is 68 years old. I took her for formal Alzheimer's testing after suspecting a possible brain tumor or something else. The testing indicated the ALZ. They gave her no more than five years to live two years ago. Looks like they were right on, but only God knows for sure.
Men plan -- God laughs.
Thanks for the response. You evidently did not read about the screening process to enter the facility. No alcohol, weapons, etc., allowed.
My attorney is the one who quoted me the fees -- not the lay person. I could go to court and file a pro se motion. However, have you ever heard the saying that someone who represents themselves in court has a fool for a lawyer?
I've been looking after her for a long time. I'm tired, stressed and can't endure any thing else. I'm having health issues and never had them before. Sometimes, let's face it, you can't fight City Hall. If it's God's will, then that is how it has to be. I'll have to come to the realization that he knows what's best whether it seems right or wrong to me.
I imagine one reason they're so tight-lipped about the rationale is that it is solely to do with your friend's mental state and their attempts to treat her. Which of course they can't disclose to you, because of patient/client confidentiality.
You'd have thought they might have the humanity to explain as much. But erring on the side of caution they can't even do that, I suppose.
How old is your friend? Did you have suspicions about what sort of dementia has struck her?
Nobody, and I mean nobody, from her family (nor myself) has been allowed into the facility and won't until August at the earliest. I will not as I've repeated. It is an assisted living facility with two separate ALZ units within. One for mild to moderate ALZ and the other for moderate to severe. She is in the latter.
High security with TSA type screening. Not a psych hospital. It's a new facility. I can't answer any of your questions, but I highly suspect that she is not adjusting to the facility (nor would most people). I also imagine they are probably sedating her or doing a version of a chemical lobotomy if she is a worse case scenario.
She was bad when she left home, but she did have a drinking problem (red wine) when she went into the unit. I suspect it will take a few weeks to get whatever in her system, according to a friend who is a pharmacist. I pray they aren't restraining her or hurting her in any way.
I don't know anyone who would be happy about being whisked away and placed into a facility like witness protection. The guardian did not inform her family or myself when it happened. Fortunately, she had her cell phone before it was taken away and one of the caregivers told her where she was after coercion.
Not the caregiver at the new facility, but one she had at home who went with her. My friend always lived a charmed life and nobody told her what to do. Now they are and she is not liking it.
My attorney suggested that I do not do anything. If I send something, it will be reported by the Administrator of the facility to the Guardian and it could result in a formal restraining order. And, her mail will be screened in this instance -- like in a prison. It will never make it to her.
I'm just going to have to suck it up as best as possible and pray to God for some type of miracle. It's just bad knowing that I may only be seeing her again as a lifeless body. I've cried lots of tears about (a) this situation and more importantly (b) her rapid decline at a young age with a disease she's had less than two years.
I've talked to an attorney. If a physician says something, they are basically God if I pursue this through the legal system. I can spend $20K or more fighting this and still not get the right to visit.
"Upon the advice of -------- ------- treating physician, I have determined that it will not be in her interests for you to visit her at -----------.
"I have advised the staff at --------------- that you are not permitted to visit with Ms. -------.
It doesn't get much plainer than that. Pretty cruel. I have no idea of what brought this on and the guardian would not elaborate.
Is it a legal term? I think not!
When I was "banned" from visiting my uncle by the abusing bully now living in his home, my uncle phoned me and said to come over anyway. Just come over!
Test the waters, go there with flowers.
A legal term would look like a properly served restraining order, filed with the court, ordered by a judge.
You are the executor, you have official business.
She can tell you if she doesn't want to see you, right?
If it helps, as an outsider I would say it's probably nothing personal. Not on the guardian's part, anyway. My first guess would be that your lady friend - bear in mind she is demented - has been saying things that have led her physician and the care team to believe there is a safeguarding issue. It could be allegations of, oh heaven knows, a sexual or financial nature, or an end-of-life wishes nature, or goodness knows what-all. And you have to grasp that it isn't so much that they necessarily *believe* her as that the nature of the allegations means that they can't ignore them.
But meanwhile your lady friend is without the benefit of your company. And that's not good for her, either - it's just that it's a lesser worry for them than even the merest possibility that she might come to harm on their watch if they let you into the facility.
I am guessing, because I've never tried this and I don't know how the systems work in your area. But you could raise a safeguarding issue of your own, because your lady friend is being socially isolated. You would need to do this diplomatically and constructively, because after all your aim is to continue to work with these people - you just want to be allowed to do that.
Go to a lawyer for advice on making a formal complaint and requesting information concerning any allegations made about you. Guardians operate under judicial supervision so your friend already has a file open on her. Be prepared for what might be inside it - partially true or not, you might be horrified by what's been said.
When you say you could not handle the demands of 24 hour care (we've all been there, no one is going to judge you for burning out), did anything happen that could have come back to bite you?