I turned over the POA to an attorney my lady friend suggested several months back since I could not handle the demands of 24 hour care. At first, he (as guardian) had 24-hour caregivers at her home. Two weeks ago, I was notified that she was admitted to an Alzheimer's Unit in an email. At first, I was told that I would be allowed to visit after two weeks; then it was extended for another two weeks. Today, I received a letter from her Guardian saying that, after speaking with her physician, I am permanently banned from seeing her without a valid reason. When she passes, I am the executor of her estate and have all responsibility for her funeral, etc. I am devastated that the Guardian would pull such a stunt. I can not prove or disprove his claim that he spoke with the doctor overseeing her care. He may have just done it to keep me from seeing her. I am the only person who will visit her. Her son and sister care zero about her. I am disappointed and perplexed. Any thoughts, suggestions, etc., would be very much appreciated.
I appreciate all of your concerns. She had the will enacted, and filed in court, before all of this sordid mess started. Once the disease was diagnosed, she could not change her will; medical directives, etc.
I've discussed this with an attorney and he has had experience with these issues. He said that I will be spending a LOT of money with likely only a one or two percent chance of winning visitation rights. Plus, her guardian/attorney can have continuance after continuance in court to run up my legal bills. After all, I am not married to her or a blood relative.
Nor does it seem to matter that I'm the executor of her estate along with her sister.
Ask that a FULL reason for your exclusion be given in writing & that the fact you are not family or married should not exclude you ............. however given new laws etc maybe you could claim 'partnership' which sometimes doesn't mean that separate addresses are an exclusion - check this out this way -
FYI as executor I think you have a right/duty to know she is maintained to the standard she expressed to you at an earlier date when you did a casual conversion about this - hint ... hint
Maybe lawyer has her in substandard facility or one that will only answer to him so that he benefits monitarily in some way - check it out for her sake as much as your clear concious
I received a certified letter that I am NEVER allowed to visit her and the staff/security has orders not to let me in...period. That rules out going with her sister who hasn't seen her in two years. Lots of compassion from her, huh? Facility is brand new and five star. Guardian could still be getting kickbacks from the facility and "recommends" his patients there.
Guardian will not respond any longer to me and told me he doesn't have to respond to me since I no longer have any standing. I hope he and everyone in his family winds up with Alzheimer's someday. God acts in strange ways.
#1 The Alzheimer's patient has gone down hill.
#2 Possible erring of the facility
#3 Speak to the director
spending money fighting City Hall. I would pursue options mentioned in previous posts. After the experience with my neighbor I eventually received a call from her "long lost" family apologizing for the misunderstanding and thanking me for my help with Margaret. They were told lies by a lady I contacted to ask advice about Margaret's situation. I bet you'll eventually find out who caused this. Always remember that you did the very best you could. That's all that can be asked of you.
I really, really appreciate the very kind comments you have made today regarding this situation. Shelly may be right on all counts. I think I must come to peace with the whole situation. I believe that the majority of ALZ folks are in a living h*ll and don't know it. I would rather have anything, and I mean anything, than that.
For example, my dad had 12 brothers and sisters. All have died of various forms of cancer. All I could reason and talk about old times until the end. Perhaps not the last two weeks of their lives, but for long periods. That is why God created morphine, dilaudid, opiods, etc. At least you can knock the pain back if you still have your mind.
Most ALZ patients die due to aspiration from eating or pneumonia -- as part or separately from the disease. Again, give me cancer any time over ALZ. Not that I'm ready to go now by any means.
All I know is that I have had many friends and family members tell me that you did everything you could for her the last two years. I wore myself out looking after her. I'm mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted. As bad as I hate to say it, she is exactly where she needs to be.
However, the way it went down left a lot to be desired. Yes, I could say four letter words and keep letting it eat at me. It will not change the disease for the only woman that I've ever truly loved more than anyone except my mother.
Again, thanks to the two of you for your kindness and thoughts. I'm glad, or actually disheartened, to know that I'm not the only one going through this. However, each case is unique and this one would score out a 11 on a 10 point scale with 1 being low and 10 being high -- for stress and dysfunction.
Now, as for the POA situation, it sounds like someone scared you into signing over the financial matters to them, this happened to a friend of mine regarding POA of his mom. The nursing home bullied him into signing over the POA financial matters over to him, they just kept harassing him until he gave in and gave them what they wanted. I would've gotten some legal help and I would've sent a cease and desist order from my lawyer or even the judge, which is something you can probably get help with if it's not too late.
If you really didn't want to release this and your loved one really wanted you to have it, you really need to get some legal help on this one also. As long as this person was of sound mind when they set everything up, those arrangements should be protected by law, so don't back down for a bunch of big shot bullies who only want money
The guardian has full control of her life. He is an attorney and her legal representative. If he is in "cahoots" with the facility physician, they can deny anyone access by using the excuse that she is easily agitated, blah, blah, blah.
Nobody, even family, is allowed to see her for 32 days. Doctor's order's...wink, wink, grin, grin.
You couldn't come up with a Lifetime Movie any odder than this situation. Very, very sad for everyone -- myself, her sister and her son.
God bless you. There are still some good folks left in the world. Not nearly as many as 50 years ago, but some.