Do you ever feel like running away from everything, as a caregiver? Are these feelings normal?

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I am so very tired, sad, exhausted, mentally and physically. I do not know how much longer I can deal with taking care of my MIL...I am the only one who is a stay at home person...Not that I wanted this....She had Dementia and it just keeps getting worse and she wants to depend on me more and more and more. I have help coming in next week for a couple of hours to help her try to get more strength and active...It is not soon enough for me. My husband helps, but it just is not enough because he works all day...He does take over as much as he can when he gets home...But it is just not enough...I want to run away from all of it!!!
Does anyone else feel like running away from it all !!! It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do and I feel EXHAUSTED all the time. And yes he has two brothers who keep her a few hours on weekends, but I need more relief than that, but when they pick her up...All I want to do is sit in peace and quiet because I do not get that...so I feel like a prisoner in my own home. I love her...But this is so hard....I want to run away....Is this a normal feeling for caregivers?

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I know how it feels to be exhausted by the demands of caregiving. I too care for my MIL with severe Alzheimer's disease, and I also have a husband who is unable to work because of a serious back problem. He is currently trying to get disability, but needless to say, we are stuck financially too. I get paid to take care of my MIL, but it's only for 16 hours a week, which isn't really enough. So, we also are stuck relying on her social security to help pay the bills because we are stuck between a rock and a hard place financially. I am expected to take care of her everyday. I get one day a week so far where I can get out of the house, but this isn't enough. I am at my breaking point. I think of leaving, but I would never want to hurt anyone in my family. I do love them after all. So, my husband can't work, and I really have nobody else who takes care of her with me. We do have hospice, but I need help with every day. I even started going to mental health so I can try to learn some better coping skills. I feel for anyone who is put into a caregiving role and never wanted to be there in the first place. Sounds selfish maybe, but at this point I just don't care. So, I keep praying for a solution, but none has come yet. I am thankful for the little bit of help we get, but it really isn't enough.
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You are not alone! When I opted to move from Cal. to "look after" my mom after my dad died 12 years ago I did not realize what a deep trap I had fallen into. Mom is a hypocondriac and a pessimist and a narcissist with OCD. When dad was alive I did not notice it so much (though a lot of things that have happened in the past now come clear), I lived a long way away and I did not realize how much he absorbed. I had my last vacation in 2003, it is hard for me to even get away for a day to shop. It is not all hypocondria, mom does have physical problems, but she wants the doctors and me to make her like she was when she was 30 (no, she does not have dimentia - I had her doctor examine her for that). There is no one else to take the strain off, I am 68 and I feel my last vital years draining away like sand, which makes me sad most of the day. When I bought the house I promised mom she would have a home with me until she herself thought it was time for the nursing home or died. Now, 12 years later I realize she will never agree to nursing home, we cannot afford a live in nurse, her quality of life sucks and so does mine. Like headbanger, I see no relief in sight, I try and do things that please me, but ther is very little time to devote to my own self-satisfaction. Mom 'absorbs' any effort as her due.
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you are very normal. i am a caregiver for my mom,it is very trying and i too want to
pack up, leave and never come back but that is my mom she took very good care of me, my sisters and brother so i must do the same for her. . Big Hugs to one caregiver to another
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I also have my MIL in our home- going on the 4th yr. w/dementia. You are SOOO
normal. My husband and sis-in-law know just how much I can take B4 I loose it. Then they will step in for a day or 2 - then back to all me. I have MIL going to day-care 3days a week (was 4) but that is when I'm at work. I have hired helper come on the 2 days she stays home - so I get ALL eveings and weekends - after working full time at my job. I have told my SIL - I would like her to put her mother to bed - at least 1 night a week. She saids it's too hard for her during the work week so, she will give me a Fri or a Sat. nite but I have to ask permission!! She will not volunteer to come and sit w/her own mother!!! Will not take her to her house for a few house, etc. If I complain to my Husband about his sister he gets Mad at me and said it's hard on her cuz my MIL is mean to her and she lost their father when she was only 12 - SHE's 50!!! Why do I have to pay for that???? YES! you are normal! Just want to walk away - alot - many times. MIL deserves so much more fr her kids. She is a lovely woman- so strong. I can't give up on her. Please Hang in there- I will, too!!!! Talking - ventiating - does help!!
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Yes, I want to run away all the time. I am an only child of an only child. There is no one else to help or even care. It is unfair for people to be put in these situations. Its one thing to raise your own child(ren)...but just when we are "finishing" that task - then it begins with our parents.
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noname, I hope things are a little better for you today just from simply knowing you are not alone... thinking of you.... hugs
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goin, welcome, this is a good sight to say how you are feeling..Is there a senior activity center close by? Or anyone from a nearby church that would come visit with him a few hours a week? Some one close to his own age? There has to be some resources for him that could allow you and hubby to have some alone time??
I know saying "don't feel guilty" doesn't make those feelings go away. but at one time or other, sometimes all day long, we have all felt the same way...They are just feelings, and this or other threads is the place to put how you feel.
Even if we have had others tell us how hard this can be, we don't realize it until we are there doing what needs to be done.. Please don't feel bad, you are not alone, and we do understand. Hope you keep posting,, hugs to you.
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Oh my gosh...my husband just talks about selling our house and go living in a camper somewhere near the ocean...when his Dad dies. He has to talk like this to keep his sanity...to just have the dream as a possibility out there. I feel like a prisoner in my own home definitely with my father in law living with Kenny and me. We are retired and it was nice to be able to put on my nightie and sit in the living room and watch tv together before bedtime but I can't caz his Dad is sitting there. Or be able to go anywhere without having to pick up the wheelchair in and out of the trunk twice just to go to the grocery. But he wants constant entertainment to be taken places out of the house as soon as he gets up...or else he is walking with his walker circles around the house which drives me nutty. And I feel guilty having all these feelings of selfishness when I should be thankful for him being alive. I was so bad one night I actually looked up to see how long people with parkinsons live, wondering how long would I have to live like this. That is selfish, I know and I feel guilty about it. I do want my father in law who is kind and a good man to live a long life...it is just so hard giving up your life completely just to be a total slave to somebody else all day everyday and no appreciation. These were the few years my husband and I should be enjoying our retirement..but 6 years and I am thinking he will outlive both of us. So YES I RELATE BIG TIME!!!
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Austin I hear ya! I don't talk to anyone either and when I'm out trying to socialize (the little I do) No one REALLY wants to hear - and REALLY can't relate. I just found this site and still navigating. I'm glad there are people we can talk to that can actually either validate what we're doing or give advice. Right now my ma has 'sundowners' and she is yelling in the other room!!! LOL
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It would not be normal to feel the way you did-in the weeks before my husband died I was planning to go to a local hotel with my sil for two days and one night-I just had to get away-I was luckey because he was in the hospital a lot and had to go to rehab if he was in the hospital for 3 days and some docs took piety on me and would keep him in 3 days so he would be able to go to rehad and we did have extended insurance besides medicare so he was able to stay in longer and the last N.H. he was in the social worker had had a husband like mine so she could relate-also most of the time I was able to get out for a few hours-he was capeable of doing things for himself but chose not to when I was around so I was able to get out to our senior center to volunteer once a week and be around normel people-but what really bothered me my friends except one would never give me a call and she died so I had no one to talk to until I found this site about a year before he died and it saved my sanity. Ladeeda and Deefer good to see you guys here-you both are so knowledge and caring.
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