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Hello. I just moved my mom here from sisters house. I am trying to find her a place to live. Too much income for *income based housing; barely enough for assisted living. She does not want to live alone; she wants me to live in senior living with her! My Mom (88) refuses take meds (says they destroy kidney). She has a weak bladder. She walks to bathroom during the day; pees in a cup, during the night. She empties the cup in the morning. We are sleeping in the same bed, same room, at my son's house, until she decides on an apartment. I hate smelling urine all night! Is this normal? She does not bathe; only washes up. She can't get on tube.

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Been busy a bit, surgery on the horizon so been donig more reading than posting.
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Ramiller, there you are, haven't seen your posts for awhile. Glad you didn't go covert on the name changes too. It has been a challenge to keep up, so I have decided to treat everyone as a stranger and a new friend!
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Wow, i am so happy for you. Now you can visit and enjoy your time instead of stressing about it. I applaud your move.
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One million, now that is a darn good percentage! So happy that it has worked out, and fairly quickly too!
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Hello Everyone!

Mom is now living in a Senior citizen home. She and I are 1 million percent better. I visit her often.

Research has helped me understand that child birth effects women later on in life.

LOVE ALWAYS + ♡
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So you moved her in with your son which is where you're living as well? And you and your 88-year-old mom are sleeping in the same bed? You think your son follows in your footsteps? Can't speak up for himself?

As to your question,I think more old men do it than old women. I doubt it's uncommon. Have her pee in something that has a lid. Unless she's getting the bed wet, seems to me a commode with a lid right next to the bed would be little more trouble than she's going thru right now.

Your son is a saint.
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Mompees: How is your mother getting the snacks? Use them for dessert. Don't buy them. Maybe squeeze the watermelon for juice. Sometimes they have trouble chewing or don't like the texture.
Yes, she's your mom, but you are now an adult and need to take control of the situation. Ask questions. Make a decision that is based on her best interests AND yours. This is not an easy job. Thank God for sites like this that help us feel we have friends to ask questions without being judged. Do your best. That's all any of us can do.
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Do you have any income? Do you work? The best solution for all is for you to get your own place and then perhaps a care home for your mother.
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Yes, the comode is a good idea.

I am embarrassed to say that my son and his girlfriend (school teacher) have a very nice home. They are picky on everything; including how i wash dishes to setting the house alarm. I do not think they would like the comode. They are 30 and 33 years old. I am 61 yrs. Old. Divorced after being married 29 yrs. I only have 1 sister; no brothers. My mom and dads siblings either had 1 child or none. My cousins are spread out throughout the U.S.

Journaling is good for mind, body and soul! I truly appreciate the opportunity to share my feelings.

I understand that baby boomers are now taking care of their parents. Many parents that were born in the 1920's are still thinking in an antiquated way! Respect your elders! Elders do not always think in depth about issues. Well now, i guess that applies to me to. Smile...
Thank you.
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Thank You Everyone for taking time to give me some direction.

My sister's husband just retired from the U.S. Army. Mom was livjng with them. My mom started calling me 1214/2014; complaining my sister was taking her money.

Mom is very controlling and demanding. I realize i am acting still like a child with her, instead of an adult.

We had a discussion today; that did not go or end well. She told me, " I'm still your mother!" In a very stern tone! I did decide tonight to tell her i was off duty. I am tired. This morning i fixed her a bowl of watermelon and explained that i was fixing breakfast. She doesnt like fruit in the morning. She is eating candy, donuts, licorice, potato chips, etc...

I am thinking about taking her back to Houston, TX.

God forgive me!
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MY first reaction is to be thankful she is not peeing in the bed. But that was not very kind.
having grown up with a chamber pot under the bed i fully understand her habit.
The commode is the best solution suggested. You can often find them cheap or free used.
In my view washing up is just fine as long as she actually does it. Is access to the bathroom difficult due to many people in the house and no privacy?
As far as the medications are concerned with out knowing her conditions and what has been prescribed it is not possible to comment. she may be correct and they do harm the kidney and/or liver. Look up the side effects and interactions then take her to have a discussion with her Dr. make a list of your findings and give it to the Dr. MDs often do not keep up to date on these things and pharmacists get sloppy too. It is very time consuming.
In the meantime i am sorry you are in this situation and if you do not wish to continue to live with her go ahead and find other living conditions for yourself and mother. You have to take the initiative Mom is perfectly content where she is. Are you also elderly and living permanently with your son? I ask this as another elder rather than a younger person who may not understand how older people get trapped in situations they may not prefer or are powerless to change.
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Um. I know this wasn't your question, but why did you move your mother from your sister's (your sister's? her sister's?) house?

What meds she should be taking but won't?

And yes, it is normal for an 88 year old to need to go at least once during the night, sometimes more frequently than that. Using a cup isn't standard best practice, but if it works for her… Better than falling on her way to the bathroom. I was going to suggest a commode too. If you're not keen on that, or haven't got room for one, or even just while you're waiting for it, why not get her a lightweight plastic plate or saucer to put over the pee cup and contain the worst of the smell?

When you say she wants you to move into senior living with her… That doesn't mean you think you have to, does it?
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I would squirt a little toilet bowl cleaner or any cleaner that i had into the commode and fill with some water. This greatly reduced the odor. My dad uses a urinal during the night, i squirt some liquid soap in that too. Mom could be afraid to get in shower by herself. Offer to help and make sure you have a shower seat, hand help shower hose, warm bathroom, nice soaps all ready. I started with let me wash your back and feet and you do the rest. With regard to your housing issues, I am sorry but I don't have any ideas on that.
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How about a commode next to her bed?

Why was she moved from your sister's ? What are her impairments?

Just because she's your mother, you don't have to do what she says! If her cognitive skills are declining you may need to remind yourself that you are the one who is competent to make good decisions.

Have you consulted an eldercare attorney about the money issue? It will be money well spent.
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