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I had my husband put in hospice in nursing home. Some days he seems normal other days he sleeps a lot sees strange things. Is this normal in the dying process? Also he called and wanted to refuse all food. Is that a way of asking if it's ok to die and I'll be alright?

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My husband just died last week. He was in hospice for the last few days and he also had hallucinations..but I thought it might be from the morphine. But it is so hard to watch someone you love die. I was there with him as the people at hospice knew he was dying the night he did. He went as peacefully as possible and was pain free. When I had him at home, it was awful as I had a real hard time trying to take care of him even with help coming in. I just had a week of caregiving and knew I couldn't do it as my husband was 200 lbs and pretty much bed ridden but his cancer was so advanced that it was a matter of time although I didn't think it would have been so soon .
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My sister told me she saw my dog named Lily under her bed near the end and I have no dog named Lily. She also said our mother was in the room so I think it might be a normal part of the process. My sister also stopped eating and the hospice workers told me that was a part of the process as well. My sister didn't pick at things but she screamed for hours on end for no reason. Your father sounds more lucid than my sister was so I didn't have the doubts that you're experiencing. I was lucky enough to have hospice in her home so I could see what was going on regarding treatment and cleanliness.
I'm sorry you're going through this. It's very hard and I wish you peace throughout the process.
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All of these comments give me comfort. Sometimes he doesn't appear that he is sick and he has wanted to change his decision to end it.i feel like I'm on a roller coaster. I've had to be a advocate. Had to ask for his nebulizer treatment found him in a soiled bed no pad under him or a diaper as the normal routine. He calls me at many awkward times giving me broken sleep. He has said one time he wanted to stop eating. I feel like I'm going crazy and want to run away.
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Rainmom, my Mom did the same thing, picking at this or that and/or folding the bedding in her hands. I am not sure if it is part of delirium or part of the very late stage of dementia.
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When I saw my mom yesterday she was picking at invisible things on her pants - in a steady manic kind of way. I'm sorry - I don't mean to hijack this thread - but can someone explain what the picking is about?
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Picking is pretty normal, so are hallucinations at the end. If he refuses food, please agree with him and do not put in a feeding tube or IV. He is probably not hungry. Just keep him comfortable.
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Kgrace32, ask hospice provider what to expect they may have suggestions. Take extra good care of yourself. Get rest and good nutrition during this difficult time. Let us know how you are doing.
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This is so hard to go through. It sounds like this is normal for a person who is dying. His refusal to eat may well be his way of saying that he wants it to end. Provide as much comfort as you can. Talk to the hospice caregivers. They can answer questions about the process and what to expect. Tell him is ok to let go if he is ready. I'm so sorry you are going through this.
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