How to say no to invalid husband about going camping it is just too hard on me?

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He does get around some but not much can't do anything except sit and look around or visit, my situation is he tells he he don't ask for much this is the one thing he wants to do, but there is sooooooo much work and it is all for me to do now and he refuses to see I just cannot and do not want to do this anymore, but when I try and stand firm and say I can't do it anymore, he starts on his controlling on pity me, i will just sit here and wait ti die then, what am I to do?
He is 85 and I am 65, and all this extra that he wants me to do is wearing me out, when can I stop doing this kind of thing, I do EVERYTHING for him, 24/7 but he just wants more and more and gives me a guilt trip if I try and refuse.

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BTW, I think catladyH gave excellent+ advice. I agree with everything she wrote.
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trailblazers3, I understand what you are saying so well. In my case I'm taking care of my mother, but the age differences are about the same. My mother doesn't understand how much work it is to take her somewhere. I feel like I'm packing for a trip anytime we do anything. I have to work out all the logistics of getting there, loading and unloading things sometimes several times, and then do all the interacting, because she is not mentally capable anymore.

Taking care of someone full time is like living their lives for them. Our own lives can be pushed back as being unimportant. And our efforts can be so unappreciated and criticized. Most of the time it seems we can't do enough. I personally have set pretty firm boundaries. I back my mother down when she is trying to bully me into doing things. I try to ignore the slights and the complaints, but am finding a bad consequence of this. I am detaching too much and becoming almost robotic in caring for her. Not having a life of my own anymore and detaching from hers has left me pretty much with nothing. There has to be a better way than this.

Prolonged caregiving with no help seems so wrong. Often I just dream that someone will take my mother for a few days and give me time to just breathe for myself. I was thinking how nice it would be if someone else could take your husband camping and that he would allow it. He is probably dependent on you being there for him, though. If he is like my mother, it is like being legs or arms or something. They can't do anything without us. I know it is even harder for you since he is your husband. I just hope that he will understand that you are tired and it is asking too much of you. You do so much already, so please don't feel guilty.
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85? Camping? Invalid? Is he nuts? Does he think you are Superwoman at 65? Perseverance has it right - you allow him to manipulate you. STOP ALLOWING IT NOW. If he is in dementia and unable to rationalize how physically taxing this would be for you, then that may be an explanation for his behavior. If he is in his right mind, he is just plain selfish and inconsiderate. He may also be narcissistic, which makes your life that much more difficult. Either way, flatly refuse to comply with anything that will tax you more than you can reasonably manage. What is he going to do about it ? - nothing - he can't go camping on his own. So he gives you verbal abuse. But you are 65, of sound mind, and you don't have to allow him to lay these guilt trips on you. Tell him you refuse to deal with him until he can speak to you with respect. Walk out of the room and come back 15 minutes later. Repeat as necessary until he realizes you mean business. Easier said than done, I realize that, but you have to start somewhere, and if you don't toughen up, this kind of caregiving work can kill you. I heard a saying recently "Caregiving is not for sissies" - it's so true! Good luck and God bless you.
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Dear trailblazers3, I think I can relate to your situation. My husband is 75 and I'm 53. He had a massive stroke 7 years ago and I've been his caregiver ever since. He has no appreciation of how difficult this is for me - I have to do everything for him - and anything I try to refuse to do causes an onslaught of accusations. He says the most horrible things to make me feel guilty and selfish. People tell me to set boundaries but they don't understand the kind of psychological torture a person like this can inflict on a caregiver. So what is the solution? These are the things I try to do:
1. recognize that his tactics are ABUSIVE and try to walk away whenever he starts ranting.
2. repeat over and over again to him: "If I get exhausted, hurt, or sick there will be NO ONE to take care of you and you will end up in a nursing home." It's not a threat - it's just the truth.
3. have other people talk to him - people he respects - a friends, family members or his doctor - let them tell him that it's too much for you.
4. when all else fails, lie. I hate to resort to this, I'm not good at it, and it feels wrong, but sometimes it's the only thing that will save me. "I couldn't get reservations", "a mouse chewed a big hole in the tent", whatever. This works with my husband because of the amount of brain damage he has.

It's hard to live with someone like this and take care of them. Really hard. I truly hope some of this is helpful to you.
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He treats you poorly because you allow it. Really.
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It is not that easy, he is unbearable to live with....not a solution that will work.
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Draw your boundary and stick to it.

Where are your children? Have them take him. You can tell him: Honey, I love you, but I don't want to go camping this year. It is too much responsibility for me with your disabilities.
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