No time to chat... Any input?

Thank you all for your helpful and above all understanding comments . I took all the advice and finally sent her a long , firm but still loving text . I told her my husband’s condition was all consuming and at times physically and emotionally draining . I said because you are my dear sister I know you will understand what others can’t . I was honest in that I love to hear from her and all about her wonderful family but unless it was urgent or an emergency to please text and understand that that is the least stressful way for me to communicate at this time in my life . I reminded her of how we resented my late mother’s aid being on the phone when she needed attention and that I felt hypocritical when I do that . She responded, by text , and was very understanding while saying she knew I never liked talking on the phone like she did . She did call the next day of course 😂 but I felt no guilt not answering and sent off a short text later that evening . What a relief that I finally did that !!
Thank you all again so much !

You be very frank. I hate the phone. My brother can talk on it easily an hour. I get quiet, almost non responsive and he then knows that I am done. However, given it would not be even a good time on the phone, I simply would not do it.
So I would say "You may not know; I cannot remember if I ever told you, but the truth is that I loathe the phone. I always have. Honestly it almost hurts my ears. Now the phone, which was something I COULD do, is honestly something I just don't have the time for. It is important now that the time I have that is "down time" is all mine. I hope you will understand. And if you do NOT understand , the I understand that you don't understand. But it is just, for me, how it has to be now."
You know, we train folks how to treat us and what to do. Listen to the whining and complaining then they just figure it's what you DO. You enjoy it. Why, otherwise, would you do it. And when you, as a nice person, finally get the guts to tell them the truth they will reply to you (I almost guarantee this) with a "WELL!!!!!!! If THAT'S how you feel then why in the WORLD didn't you just SAY SO????!!!" Right. Because there's a good time to say such things to folks like this, right?
Really, she is just performing her habit. She isn't aware. And she isn't aware you don't want to, OR she doesn't CARE (which is of course a good deal worse). Just pull on your big girl boots and wade on in and tell her the TRUTH. Don't you at least deserve to be able to do that. Sounds to me you are a hecka nice person. I think you DO deserve it. She won't like it. She will get over it. So start writing out the excuses now "Oh, there's the doorbell; so sorry. Have to go. Talk later" is a good one.

Take that extra hour for yourself. I can't believe some people. My cousin once said to me "what do you do all day", I was totally aggravated by this comment, and she's an RN. I dislike talking on the phone as well, and I always had. I do Skype my brother so he can talk to my mother occasionally. The last thing I would want to do is listen to someone complain and criticize other people. The karma thing, I do not believe in. My mother has always been the sweetest and kindest person alive, and she does not deserve to be sick. I do not blame you for being insulted by your sister. She is inappropriate. Everyone has problems even your sister. You do not have to update her on all the details . It is your husband not hers. If it was her immediate family that is a different story. There will always be family issues with people like your sister. They will complain about something. You do not like talking on the phone, then don't. She will get over it.

Is it ur hoping she reads between the lines? Well, seems she doesn't know how to do that. I think you need eye to eye contact. Tell her caregiving is the hardest thing you have ever done. Like raising a toddler, you are always "on". So, when there is that time when DH is napping or content watching TV, thats ur time to nap, read a book or just veg out. And you need this time to yourself. You need to re-energize. And long conversations on the phone just doesn't do it. You need her to be more understanding of what you do on a daily basis.

I never had caller ID. Ended up getting it because a friend called me at the worst times. 9pm at night, dinner time. It usually was about her. Just to complain how someone did this or didn't do that. Or let ur calls go to VM. Have a greeting saying you are not able to come to the phone. If they leave a message, you will get back to them As soon as u have time to yourself. And turn the ringer off.

You realize that ur sister is being very selfish here. Its not about her. You really only have time, at this point, for your husband. His care and your mental and physical health are what is #1 here. And sorry if she does not understand that.

I'm kind of glad to know I'm not the only one with this problem! Being a real wimp, but a clever wimp, I came up with a couple of tricks for the really persistent callers. I turn on my cell's speaker, pop the phone on my pocket, & continue with whatever I need to be doing, with an occasional "really?" or "uh huh." I've also recorded the doorbell & play that sometimes. Always works.

Ha!! I thought I was the only one! Omgudness. When I can I say "I'm m.i.a a few days to catch up on ME." Just so they dont expect you to reply right away.. Like it will be a week or two.
Of course no one understands that. But it is what it is. My friends understand my family don't. Smh.

Write her a letter. Give an example of a typical day. Be truthful. Tell her about how the phone is a nuisance because it is just another demanding THING. Invite her over for lunch, let her help prepare the sandwiches (and clear the table) while you attend to the (FILL IN TASKS HERE) so she can observe a "typical" day. By the time she leaves, she will be too tired to call again! You can choose those you love. You can't choose family!

This is my second post on this subject. My cousin called me about five times in a week. I was too busy to return the phone calls. She called the police to do a wellness check. He told me I better call my nervous cousin. I apologized to the officer and thanked him. He was a nice man, and was glad to check on us. I was aggregated with my cousin, but I did return her phone call. She said " Now I know how I can get you to call me back". I now answer the phone, but make it short. She knows I am busy with my mom. My other cousin calls me and loves to chat. I cut her off after a minute or two and tell her I got to tend to my mother, which is the truth. Make it as short as possible, I do not care if they are insulted. they know I am a busy woman. I do not worry about people anymore, if they don't like so be it. I have my priorities and talking on the phone is not one of them.

Tell her you don’t believe in karma. I have a SIL who would talk for two hours straight if I let her. I can’t stand it, especially since my mind starts to wander 10 minutes into any phone call, no matter who it’s from. I just can’t sit still that long!

My husband laughs and says “You must have told her goodbye five times before she hung up!” She’s HIS sister! At least my SIL is pleasant when she remembers I “have something to do.” She’s a nice lady but she’d give an aspirin a headache!

In your mind, give her a set number of minutes to say whatever she’s going to say, and then tell her you have to attend to something urgent, even if you don’t. A fib here and there will save your sanity.

I don’t know if this has been helpful, but know that I feel your pain to some small extent.

If I were you, set your cards on the table. I agree with Tetertottering. Write her a letter & explain, with out given too much personal information. If she starts complaining, change the subject or tell her, if you can't handle it anymore, you have to run an errand or expecting a phone call. I have a friend, we get a long good, but she gossips, which personally I have no time for, & change to a more enjoyable subject you will both be happy with. You really owe her no explanation, she is not your parent or spouse.