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I am losing my mind - lost my way to work and was almost 2 hours late due to unreliable overnight awake and daytime aides - I've tried agencies and private hire. I had an interview set up for one yesterday and she never showed up - first time she cancelled 20 minutes after saying she would be here in an hour...said her child was sick and the school called to pick him up. No reply this time.


I have tried EVERYTHING to get her to sleep as has the one aide that comes during day.


Melatonin - chamomile - bedtime prep routine and soothing music.


She refuses to work with PT and OT most days and they want to drop her care -


I am losing my mind - and probably my job. Because I am hourly as a contractor - if I am late I don't get paid. Sleep deprivation is literally killing me. There are times I try to sleep and I feel so awful as I drift off it feels like I am literally dying (cannot explain it well).


I cannot go to the bathroom much I am so overworked and exhausted - I am off my daily exercise - eating badly and off all hours because my hunger levels are screwed up along with my sleep....gaining weight rapidly.


This sounds awful but there are so many hours I wonder why I am not dead from the stress and exhaustion.


Our health care system is broken and I have reached out relentlessly to so many organizations and endlessly EVERY DAY trying to get reliable help be it an agency or private pay - I am sickened at the number of people who don't want to work and are careless. I hired one overnight awake and if I go upstairs to get a drink of water at 3am she asked me twice if I minded watching my mom while she took a smoke break. AYFKM? The last straw was when she texted me saying she couldn't stay awake and wanted to go home 4 hours into the shift. When she took this job she assured me I could count on her and I made it clear DO NOT TEXT ME or WAKE ME UP unless it is an emergency. The night she decided she was too tired I had just come down with the flu - and had to work in the morning. She didn't miss texting me the next day asking to be paid. Went on to say she is reliable and to give her a chance.


There are more horror stories of these so called vetted aides - worse were the agencies. Two dropped my mom and one lied about it. I have a camera in the room and she forgot about it. Another fell asleep on a bed in the room on an awake overnight shift and another texted me because my mom was waking up a lot and agitated - I came up and saw the aide lying down on the bed and headphones in watching a movie on her I phone.


I am not looking for answers - what I want to know is what the hell is wrong with people - including family who won't help. My father refuses to have her go to AL and he is 94. My siblings do NOTHING and I mean NOTHING to help - including calling and being rude to me when I answer the home phone. Never ask how I am - just ask for my dad straight away.


I am trying to find a FT job far far away and I haven't been able to land one. I wish this was better - I wish I could sleep


I called three psychologists for counseling and left messages - none of them called back until 2 weeks later and to tell me they no longer accept my insurance. But even with counseling - sleep deprivation is torture and without sleep - we break down.


I cant do this much longer without severe loss to myself.


Can anyone relate?

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Hi, Scaredtaker, I'm so sorry for the hurt feelings we inadvertently caused. I'm sure it was not intentional. You are understandably on edge right now -- I'm hoping somehow you can move heaven and earth for a few nights of quality sleep. Blessings to you, friend.
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ADMINS - please delete my account. I was wrong to seek a sense of community here. I am not sure how to do it and would appreciate it if you could delete it.
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CTTS you said "What do you expect your siblings to do to help? Be the free caregivers that you are? "

Would you say that this was a kind, compassionate accusation to toss at someone looking for support? Did I EVER say this? Or are you just enjoying pulling the TOUGH LOVE number?

"And, as you admit, you are ruining your health. Why do you allow this?"

I SAID THIS IS RUINING MY HEALTH. WHY AM I ALLOWING THIS? Did you even read my post or are you a troll who likes kicking people when they are down?

Thanks to others who posted kindly- I will NEVER reach out again after the cruel and rough edged reply from CTTN.

You are one of the reasons people do not feel others are safe to talk to
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Get these poor people out of your home so you can be a loving, rested son or daughter advocating for their care and overseeing things. Not driving yourself into an early grave.
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I can relate in that when I was suddenly thrown into caring for my LO by myself, it caused me severe mental distress. Some nights I was so stressed and worried about caregiving that I was awake all night. It seems like you have to do everything yourself. Small things seem impossible for those you deal with like healthcare providers, administrative staff, etc. You discover just how many people have zero common sense. It's the kind of thing that you can't imagine until you experience it. I only did it hands on for a couple of months, but, OMG, it took a toll on my health and it manifested itself in various physical ailments within my body. It took me a year to recover. I'd advise you to stop the madness and get some help. You are correct that you can't take this long term. You might end up in the hospital. Then, who will do the caregiving?

If the senior is not willing or able to make proper decisions for their own care, I'd precede with doing whatever needs to be done to take care of it. Whether that is with power as the POA or exploring guardianship.

If sleep is the issue, I'm not sure why your mother's doctor can't prescribe a sleep aid. My LO takes one and it helps a great deal. If she's not getting her sleep, then, she's suffering too.
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Wow. Do you recognize that you are being abused?

I hope your father is paying for the aides. Is he?

What do you expect your siblings to do to help? Be the free caregivers that you are?

Sleep interruption is a form of torture. And, as you admit, you are ruining your health. Why do you allow this?
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If you are the only caregiver and are about to crash and burn, which it certainly sounds like you are, things need to change. To be brutally honest, Dad has no say. Sibs have no say. You’re the only one who has stepped up and now you have to step back. If you are a contractor who works with heavy equipment and tools, you or someone you work with could become seriously injured since you are sleep-deprived and on the edge of a breakdown.

Start researching facilities today. If she needs Medicaid to pay for it, file. Gather your determination to regain your life and health and find alternative living arrangements for her.
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