My mama had a stroke November 22, 2018 that left her paralyzed on her left side. When she got released from Rehab and went into a Nursing home her insurance (Blue Medicare/HMO) only paid for 20 days and we didn't have the money to pay for any more days. I applied for Medicaid after she got released and her application is pending. My brother was her primary caretaker because he lived with her until he got locked up for an old charge and a charge from last year. I have two sisters, one stays out of state and the other one stays about 45 minutes away but with her work schedule, she can only get up here one day on the weekend. I can no longer take care of her. I also have health problems, diabetes, balance problems (walk with a cane most of the time), osteoarthritis in my right knee, all toes amputated on my right foot, and I suffer from depression that I also take meds for. So I'm not able to lift on her anymore and especially the other day when I almost dropped her. Her doctor filled out an FL-2 form for her to be placed back into a nursing facility but working with a worker in Adult Placement, she wasn't able to find one. And the only other way to get her into one is if they found something medically wrong with her to admit her for 3 days and then place her. A friend of mine called the ER and explained to two nurses the situation and they told her to tell me what to do and that was call the ambulance to bring her to the ER and tell them that there is no one else to care for her. They couldn't find a reason to keep her and I wouldn't go back and get her for safety and health reasons on her part and my part. It's making me look like the "bad person." I have no one to help me at least before my brother got locked up, I could go over there and help him. I can't get her to her appointments because I don't drive or my appointments. But they tell me if there was no one living here, then she would have to be placed. I just don't understand how the law works with disabled adults who have no one to take care of them. So I'm alone in this situation now. I'm not able to do it.

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If your Mom is still living with you, and you still can barely take care of yourself, … have you brought her to ER for whatever reason may be needed… ? Could be something as simple as she can't swallow properly, or she has not had a bowel movement for 5 days, or whatever….etc. bottom line is this. Get her into a hospital care that has no choice but to see her, and then let them know that she has no place to go.
You won't be "Bad" for that. Don't feel guilty for keeping yourself alive so you can help others in the future. Doesn't help anyone if you can't take care of yourself first.
Be strong, … and no, it's not fair, … but it's real.
Helpful Answer (1)

Your situation reinforces the statement that is often made here -- no one tries too hard to find placement unless the elder is in a facility and can't be released due to safety concerns. That's why they might bully the family to take them home "until placement can be found." As soon as they are released to a family member, they are put on the bottom of the placement pile, as it is assumed that the family member will be responsible.

Please keep us updated as you work to resolve this situation. We're on your side!
Helpful Answer (2)

Thank everyone for the advice. The only thing about Medicaid is that she get $146 over the limit from her SSI check a month. I live in NC and have reached out to everyone I know. No other family member will even help me make any phone calls. I'm starting to feel guilty but I know she need care that I can't and not able to give her. If my brother gets out then he going be getting money out of her again for things he was lying about like before (paying his probation officer, lawyer fees) and it's not right. There's no way no one can tell me there is nothing they can do or place her. Suppose I wasn't here or close by, what would they do then? They couldn't make me come and take care of her. I love my mama but right is right and I feel like the state is failing my mama as well as myself. They can try to discharge her and she can go home but there is no one to go and stay with her, so then what will they do? The system is really messed up.
Helpful Answer (0)

Yes, that's what you can do. The hospital can NOT throw her in the street or discharge her anywhere unsafe. The hospital social worker will be pushed to find emergency placement for her. They will bully you to take her back home. DO NOT give in!!! Tell them about your disabilities and say that you have lost your balance and fallen taking care of her, that you have hurt your back trying to move her, that your illnesses have increased while caring for her and that YOUR DOCTOR TOLD YOU NOT TO DO ANY MORE CAREGIVING.

They will continue to force you to take her back but stand your ground. They will say that you WERE taking care of her. Under NO circumstances take her back home with you. Talk to the doctor to see what the plan will be but LEAVE ALONE.
They will be forced to find placement for her.
Call Adult Protective Services in your area and have them do an assessment of both of you. They can tell if you aren't able to care for her.

It is very sad that it has to be done this way but the hospital will lean on the family as much as possible so they don't have to take responsibility. As long as she doesn't have a lot of money in the bank, she'll qualify for Medicaid. They can do an emergency push-through due to her circumstances.

I'm sorry for your situation.
Helpful Answer (5)

She should be able to be accepted in a nursing home as medicaid pending (at least that's my understanding from reading on the forum), it's easier if you can private pay for at least a little while but it shouldn't be necessary.
Helpful Answer (3)

OMG, that's just wrong that placement somewhere hasn't happened. I suppose it's a reflection of something no one wants to talk about.
It sounds like a "Life or Death" situation, and you can barely deal with your own. I don't have any answers except to share what I would do… which is what your friend suggested.

Phone calls aren't appearing to be a solution. I would bring my Mother to the Emergency Room in my area and let the doctor know she cannot come back home with me because I can't take care of her… If I didn't have a car, I would call an ambulance. If the ambulance wouldn't come… I would reach out to every person I knew for a ride to the hospital with my mom. If all else failed… I'd figure out how the two of us could get on a bus.

I wonder how the system deals with that. Would they turn you away? I wouldn't leave the hospital without talking to the doctor… but would make sure they understood that she has no place to go.

Hard situation. Be strong...
Helpful Answer (2)

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