My mom, almost 92, German-born fraulein grew up during WWII. Still does a lot of things herself though completely walker dependant now. Extremely frail with a bum leg due to PAD and ulcers. Many falls, but many recoveries. Needs 24 hr supervision, two family members and 4 caregivers, plus VN for leg. The CNA says now that she is in bed more, she will progress quicker. If she gets to the stage where she can no longer feed herself, how long could this last? :-P
Largely to keep him happy we have four caregivers now. Her going to a facility means my brother will live in her house, on her savings for the next two years until $ runs out. Will he really use her debit care if she's in a facility too? And if $ runs out she goes on Medicare, who pays for the house expenses and maintenance, me and my husband? Brother hasn't had an income in 15 years, and isn't that interested in maintaining land and property.
You'd think she could live with me and my husband, but that's impossible too. We live an hour away in a small, one-bedroom apt in a four-unit house that he owns. We really don't want to displace our tenants, mostly single mothers with teenage kids. Plus mom doesn't want to live with me, or rent an apartment with me as has been suggested. Now that mom is declining more, maybe I could evict my brother...but that would be a huge deal, possibly even dangerous I guess.
So today I googled "how to break and irrevocable trust". Maybe I could lawyer up and get my mom and lawyer trustee and all parties to agree the trust has long outlived its purpose, we just want to sell the house and move on. Clearly the estrangement between said lawyer and family (though not me), benefits him and maintains a situation that is very wrong, like living in a bad fairytale. In the meantime, comments like "can live on milk for years" fill me with dread.
What is the deal with caregivers and food anyways, I can see how that can be difficult? I prepare my mom food and my brother eats it. Now one of the caregivers eats our food when she works. Lasagna took me what 3-4 hours to make. Never again. I mean I love to share, but... Situation is just so unbelievable. But maybe I shouldn't worry, shouldn't bother to figure things out. Ha.
So that was my point as life is too short and too precious to waste our time worrying about things that may or may not ever happen. Instead we should just enjoy whatever time we may have left with our loved ones, and try to make their lives the best they can be under whatever circumstances they're in.
When she stopped "eating" and drinking completely, while she was on palliative care, she lived for another 4 weeks.
Your mum's situation could be completely different because everyone is different.
Her MD would have the best "guess" as he knows her best.
Much depends on how quickly she gets something that "takes her", and by how much "treatment" is done for that something. Bedrest makes one prone to bed sores, infections in bladder and lungs. Antibiotics stave off the worst of these often enough. An elder in bed needs VERY LITTLE nutrition to survive a long time.
Again, this is impossible to guess at.
The people on this site are not doctors, just people trying to be helpful.
I have found them to be so, with all their collective experience, taking their own free time to try to relate to and help others who have care or responsibility of elders.
And if she becomes bedridden, while she'll require a bit more care, at least you won't have to worry about her falling anymore.
My late husband was completely bedridden for the last 22 months of his life and for the most part he fed himself just fine. His right arm was paralyzed from a stroke he had earlier in his life and he had "essential" tremors in his left arm/hand, so there were times when they got so bad that I did have to help him to eat, but thankfully that didn't happen often.
And because he too was a fall risk, I was actually grateful when he became bedridden because I didn't have to worry about him falling anymore.
I think you are overthinking this. Your mom is almost 92 and has had a good life. And it sounds like she has good care right now, so just enjoy whatever time you may have left with her, and quit worrying about what could or could not happen.