No communication with sibling. Mom has both of us as POA. Any advice? - AgingCare.com

No communication with sibling. Mom has both of us as POA. Any advice?

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She stated her desire is for him to take care of investments since he does that anyway. and for me to take charge of the checkbook. pay bills etc.. I am not a very organized person and i think my bro will hold me to any thing i pay for that is not specifically related. Do I have to pass everything by him?/ does he also? He is "withholding" in the communication arena. not very cooperative. Should I make a list of expenses and pass it by him each time. .have him sign it? i'm worried that he may be setting a trap for me. should i give the poa over to him? he is probably executer on the will.. he doesn't live in state and has not participated much in her life until now.. I live in the state. He is a cpa and thinks he knows it all. I am an artist and he is sure i know nothing.

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I'm with Babalou on the LegalZoom thing. If you feel your situation has the slightest possibility of becoming complicated and/or acrimonious spend the money to see an attorney.
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I'm concerned that you think your brother may be setting a trap for you. Are you mom's on site caregiver? Are you being paid for that? I see in another post that you are looking to do a Legal Zoom POA and will? Is that for you or for Mom? If mom currently has you both as POA, I wouldn't try to change that without a lawyer (and your brother) being involved.
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I am just beggining my sixth year of looking after my parents money - and everything else for that matter. For the first 18 months it was informal. My dad was still pretty sharp mentally but had lost basic math skills - I kept track of things, filled out the checks, explained to dad what was for what and he signed. After dad passed I offically became DPOA for my mother. Dad had always done that stuff and mom had zero intrest in doing it herself and really didn't care to know the details. In the beggining I meticulously documented everything and attempted to communicate with my brothers every little detail. After a while I realized they weren't interested in knowing so I figured "why am I going to all this extra work"? Now I keep track by way of notes in files, comments on checks - enough to provide a paper trail should an explanation become necessary, even if something happened to me it would be enough for someone else to follow the money. However, I am very careful on how I spend my mothers money and I still verbally communicate when a large transaction is necessary. But I think you are in a tough situation. I can't imagine having to be the one doing the day to day spending - depends, bed pads, baby wipes etc and then having to answer to my brother for each dollar spent. If I were you, I think I would keep a ledger documenting every dollar spent and send it to my brother at the end of the month. If he has questions he can ask. My uncle was in control of my grandmothers money and did something like that - much more detailed as he handled her investments and more in addition to the daily stuff. My uncle mailed the report to his three brothers at the end of each month. Grandma lived until 97 so this went on for years and years. However - it worked and there was never any dispite or hard feeling over grandmas assets.
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mnbwca, if your Mom is able to do so, she can set up two separate Power of Attorneys. Thus if she prefers to have your brother do the financial end, then give him everything that is related to that field of work. Since he is a Certified Public Accountant, then yes, he will know everything regarding this.

Then you can ask your Mom if you can be the medical Power of Attorney, only if you feel comfortable on having this job, thus you make the decisions for her health when she is unable to do in the future.
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Only your mom can transfer POA.

When my brother and I were tasked with selling our parents house he took care of the real estate end of things and I handled the renovation stuff. Then, years later with my dad, my brother handled the business end of my dad's nursing home and I handled the medical stuff. Any time any kind of moderate decision had to be made we made it together and we made sure the other was always caught up on what was going on. We spoke by phone several times a week but that was just our way. You can always email if your brother isn't communicative.

And vstefans had good suggestions on how to keep the checkbook.
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I would email him a biweekly report or weekly or whatever is appropriate in your case. Tell him if he has any questions to not hesitate to ask. Scan all receipts so you have a permament record by month. Initially, it will be a hassle but will become second nature and well worth it. Watch your back! So many of these situations become ugly! Another consideration is ask him give you a prepaid debit card for all expenses that way he can check online as often as he wishes and see how and where money is being spent.
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Yes, absolutely, keep a full record of everything spent for Mom and share it with your brother. Do not use Mom's checking at all for anything for yourself, and unless you set up a caregiver pay agreement for a pre-specified amount with your brother's blessing, don't write any checks to yourself. If you keep the monies cleanly separated, it may seem like an arbitrary hassle at times but you will be happy you did. If you are paying Mom's bills, groceries, little necessities FOR HER and nothing else, just the bank statement itself with maybe a few annotations from you will be self-explanatory and make good documentation a relatively easy task.
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