I just found out that my nieces expect me to caregive for my Mom (90) 24/7 and I'm still paying $400 to stay here? - AgingCare.com

I just found out that my nieces expect me to caregive for my Mom (90) 24/7 and I'm still paying $400 to stay here?

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My husband and I have been taking care of my 90 year old mother for over 10 years and we are paying $400 a month for a small room. My niece in charge says that we are getting a deal and that we went to get a house in Rincon Valley with two cats and my husband and I...we would be paying much more.

Recently, we were told that my mother could not be left by herself. My niece expects us to watch her 24/7 and continue to pay $400 a month. Something is wrong here. I would be interested in your views about this situation, please
Burnt and mad

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Before I found this website, I was feeling overwhelmed. Now, I know what I have to do and will put my acts in motion. All of you have been so helpful and understanding, it is nice to know that I am not alone on this island of caregiving.

Thank you each and everyone of you for taking the time, giving your input. I really do appreciate it. God Bless! gclark1333
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gclark1333, I am curious why your sister's daughter is the Trustee and not you or your sister? Has your mother said why this was set up this way? I assume the niece is also the Power of Attorney? One would think the daughter who is caring for the parent would have at least the medical Power of Attorney.

I agree with other writers, the niece should be paying you for doing the work. One person caring for an elder 24 hours a day will become almost impossible as you would be doing the work of 3 full-time caregivers, and some high rated agencies pay for vacation days, sick days, payroll taxes, 401(k) contributions, and health care insurance. Plus at the end of the shift, that caregiver gets to go home and get a good night sleep, awaken refresh for the next shift.

I realize the person you are caring is your Mom, do you want to be her *daughter* or do you want to be her *caregiver* the way it stands now?
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gclark333, you are being taken advantage of if you do decide to do what niece wants with the 24/7 and pay rent $400.00. When mom was still alive, I was taking care of 2 bedridden parents. By myself. I had to pay oldest sis what I could afford - $120/month - for her to come Monday-Fridays, when I'm at work. Then I had to find someone else for Saturdays from 815am-300pm. I had to ask 2 siblings to foot the bill of $70 per Saturday. I was paying minimum of $10/hour. This Saturday person was being paid $280/month (Saturdays only),while sis was being paid $120/month (Mon-Fridays.) This wasn't work well because I work full time and then take over when I get home. I tried to calculate hiring someone from 8pm-8am on weeknights + Friday night-Sunday nights = $10/hour = $4,320.00/month. No money. So, how about Friday nights-Sunday nights = $10/hr = $1920.00/month. Again no money. With my drastic pay cut and fluctuating hours, I could no longer afford Saturday caregiver.

And that $10/hour is Minimum wage for caregivers. The going rate is about $15/hours and up. So, take that into consideration. You and husband figure out the going rate in your area and calculate the total monthly cost. Remember, you also need to have income that will continue to contribute to your social security - for when you retire. I sure do hope you find jobs!
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Your niece is not a very nice, respectful person obviously! I would never relate with an aunt or uncle in that manner.While, I'm not anyone's uncle, I wouldn't put up with that kind of disrespect.

She's let this trustee of the estate thing go to her head. Is she the exectrix of the estate as well?

I hope you do find a job soon; then move out as soon as you can; and let niece deal with mom not being nice to the new caregivers or to the people at assisted living.

Take care of yourself and let us know how it goes.
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You ARE being taken advantage of. Find jobs. Leave. Visit mom when niece moves her to Assisted Living where she should be.
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We live in my mother's house and my niece is the trustee for my mother estate. My husband and I have only been out of work for around six months and are currently looking for work.

My niece acts likes she owns the house already and puts more responsibilities on us all the time. My niece says she will have no problem getting caregivers for my mom but my mom is very tough and nasty with all the caregivers she has had before us.

I don't want to be come a statistic, for sure. But I also don't want to be taken advantage of either. I want to be treated right and fair...that is all.

I appreciate all you wonderful people for taking the time to assist me with this matter. It is nice to know that someone understands my position. gclark1333
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Why is your niece telling you what to do? Why is she in charge? Is she the POA?

You are not getting a deal with paying $400 a month. Does your mother have the financial resources to afford 24/7 care done by other people? Did you know that 1/3 or care givers die before the person they are caring for does? You don't want to end up as a statistic.

What exactly are her needs for 24/7 care that the niece says your mother needs? Who decided that? Her or a doctor?

From your profile, I see where you are in your 50's and I guess your husband is too. Have both of you been totally out of the employment world for the last 10 years? That's a long time to be without employment when looking at your own retirement years.
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Something is wrong here.

Is the niece your mother's Guardian? POA? Is it the niece's house? What is her authority to set the rules?

You might be paying much more to get a room that accepts pets elsewhere. And she might be paying MUCH more to hire 24-hour care for Mom. That is kind of beside the point. What is a fair and workable care arrangement for Mother? That is what should be driving decisions.

Are you passionate about personally taking care of Mom? Maybe the best arrangement is to return to being her loving daughter who visits often, and stop being her hands-on caregiver. Mom might be better off in a care center, where she'd have contact with others her age. Or niece can bring in paid care providers. You and hubby find another living arrangement. If you are both fear to work, presumably you could afford reasonable housing.

Or, if you really want to continue in the caregiving role, it is time to have a contract drawn up specifying what you do, what you are to be paid, and how your room and board fits into that. Also there has to be a provision for you and your husband to have time off weekly and vacation time. Go with your niece (and your mother if she is competent) to a lawyer specializing in Elder Law and get this set up on a business-like basis.
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Oops -- instead of a "small" salary, I really meant a salary in addition to your housing. You could consider your housing as part of your pay.
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Who is your niece that she should have such authority? If you are a caregiver, you shouldn't be paying rent. Instead, a small salary for yourself would be more appropriate.

I'm trying to fit your niece into this. Does she have a dog in the race somehow?
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