Thank you for anyone taking time to read me. It feels so strange writing about something so personal yet so impactful in my life right now. My mother has always been a bit difficult/hard but we had a very close relationship. (just her and I, no dad - no sibling). She is now over 80 and is more confrontational, harsh and "poor me" than ever. Always getting into conflicts with neighbours/strangers/store clerks/hospital staff etc and saying nasty things about people. She is losing her vision slowly (MacDeg) and this breaks my heart.
We are going through a very difficult time mother-daughter relationship wise for the last years, and very recently with her lodging circumstances. I am helping her day and night with her challenges (no sleep, missing work, logistics research and help, spending money I don't have) and what I find incredibly difficult is how harsh and impatient she is with me and how everything is the poor me attitude about everything that happens, focusing on miniscule things when the main factors are so positive and comfortable. She is even starting to give me lectures on how she did everything for me and I should be grateful etc. and everyone is bad except her and mentions her life not being worth living, which is horrifying for me to hear but loops back to patterns of frustrations for both of us. I have to accept that it might be early dementia but I feel like it is more herself coming out 10 fold. I don't know how to navigate this and find myself not liking who and how she is and losing my empathy for her which is causing guilt and doubt in myself.
Thank you for listening and not judging and I hope that I can find support somehow. I am in the process of growing my family with a soon to be conceived baby and hope to decrease the stress and anxiety while continuing to help her as much as I can.