It seems that mom has vascular dementia although we can't get anything positive nailed down (long story). We only started down the road with doctors in October, so this is all new to me. In the process of finding out what's been going on with mom, she had an MRI which showed a recent infarct with evidence of many small, old ones. Sometimes mom is mom and other times, she's just nowhere to be found. Sometimes, she is all of mom's worst traits x 10.
So I'm working on plowing through all of this step by step and my mom is fighting me (and everyone) tooth and nail. I spent loads of time getting doctor appointments and caregiving arrangements set up for her as well as taking care of paying her bills and getting set up to manage her funds while coming down as much as I can (I live 90 minutes away, am a single mom whose daughter is now in college and have a mentally demanding but flexible job that requires 60+ hours a week of work). I lived with her 1/2 time for the first two months of this. I think I was managing pretty well for a while. All of a sudden a couple of weeks ago, mom upset the whole apple cart and undid everything that I had done for her. She fired everyone (including PT, doctors, care givers), threw out the food that I cooked and froze for her or had sent to her (mom's meals), bought loads of junk food, and said she will no longer see any doctors. She hates them all, etc. etc. I'm feeling really down and desperate and not able to cope. It all just hit me when mom called to tell me that when a doctor's office called to confirm an appointment (one that I spent ages researching and trying to get) she effectively canceled the appointment by telling them that "She doesn't live here anymore. She died." She was proud of herself and thought it was funny.
If this is only the beginning and I can't cope now, I'm really worried about how things will continue. I'm not sleeping, I'm eating terribly, putting on weight, not exercising, and having a hard time focusing on work or anything else. My mom refuses to let me hire any care givers, she insists on relying only on friends and neighbors (she can't drive anymore) or me, or saying that she doesn't need any help. When I visit her and she's lost more weight and clearly hasn't eaten, it's alarming to let her be unattended so much. Clearly she does need help. I have a sister who lives about 2 hours away with kids in high school (she isn't employed), but she hasn't been able to visit mom except for one night. I try to give her assignments to help ease my load and she does them. What am I supposed to do? Just let my mom decline because she wants to be left alone and hates everyone?
In all of this, it's the emotional toll of being the one who sees her every week that I'm struggling with. I feel alone. I feel like I can't do this without messing up everything in my life including my own health. I'm not sure what my question is, I just feel a wreck.