I'll make my story and questions as short as possible. In February my mom had a stroke, hospital for a week, then went to rehab for 10 days and then she was home with me caring for her and my brother (Down Syndrome). I am lucky in many ways my mom has long term health insurance so getting caregivers to come in and care for her while I went back to work was covered but after about 3 weeks at home something changed. (Now I know it was Sundowner's & a UTI) Mom began to fight the caregivers. It didn't matter who it was. When we finally got an appointment with a neurologist she attacked her and was placed in Geri Psych hospital (worst experience). Now she is in Memory Care unit at a assisted living facility about 5 mins from me. I go to visit her everyday if not twice a day. I go in the morning before work and on my lunch break. My brother goes to a day program so evenings are spent with him. Yes I know I am crazy but my mom's stroke took her ability to speak, she had no psychical limits she was walking just fine until she entered the facility and now she can no longer walk. She is in a wheelchair or in bed. Well this week I have noticed that they are having difficulty transferring her to the toilet and bed so now they just seem to be putting her in the bed. Only a few girls have said they have problems with her transferring , the others say she does just fine. So I took a day off and hung out there all day. Well mom did just fine while I was there. The very next day when I went to visit mom was back in bed.
What do I do? I asked the caregivers about it and they got very defensive and then I was given two different excuses. Went to the director and was given another excuse that the girl I had questioned gave her..... So I am getting 3 different stories.
My thought is if you are unable or do not want to care for my mom then please tell me and I'll find another facility. I don't want to move her, she has been there since May and I feel has just gotten settled in.
Do I back off and let them keep her in the bed all the time? I feel like if I say anything my mom will be the one to suffer. And my mom is practically non verbal so if they do anything she wouldn't be able to tell me.
And now I feel like the CNAs are mad at me cause I questioned them. One is avoiding me and she use to be so friendly. What do I do? I don't feel like I should apologize for questioning why they are always putting her in the bed. Or should I Just to smooth things over?
My sense is your mom needs a higher level of care than this memory care facility can provide. They do not have the medical resources a nursing home has. My mom recently went from ALF to hospital after delirium we thought was triggered by a uti. It wasn’t. She was dehydrated. Anyway, after a terrifying few days when we thought she was mentally gone, (hospital security called; sedating her with Haldol), she spent 2 1/2 weeks in rehab and returned to herself. She is now back at the ALF. I say all this bc during that time I was looking into memory care and learned they don’t have the medical team like a rehab or nursing home does to deal with the delirium (should it return).
I do not think the ALF is enough for my mom and in looking for her next placement, I will be looking at nursing homes, not memory care, bc I don’t think they are equipped to handle my mother’s needs. It sounds like your mom’s needs aren’t able to be reliably met where she is. I would visit some nursing homes, check their medicare ratings and talk to the staff and residents there.
Wishing you some good support in caring for your mom.
Oh! And if it’s less than 30 days since she left rehab, you can ask for her to be returned bc she was prematurely discharged—which is what it sounds like with her not walking.
I had a similar situation with my Dad and we made the call to move him.
Don’t forget, they get money for each client.
If I were you, I would get her out fast. Once done, put in a formal comply with the state.
Been there & Done that.
Good Luck & Hugs
Nanakw
There is the stress of moving your mom vs continuing as it is. I wouldn't expect things to get better there. What you see when you are there is probably even better than when you are not. I don't see a reference to your mom's age. Wondering if she can express her wishes and feelings even with her aphasia.
I would talk to an outside neurologist if she has one asking considering where she is now, what would be the best way to go. Maybe even talk to her primary as she/he may know your mom well.
There are places that prioritize walking with the patients, moving them and assisting with their independence but it's not easy to know which ones actually do these activities from outside reviews. Maybe talk to some people who know first - hand the experience with another facility.
Hoping you will take care of yourself as well.
In my situation, my mother in law was in hospice, and and we disagreed with their care (they were making it easy for them to handle her). So we fired the hospice and got another one. It was a horrible experience as the hospice was totally unprofessional and violated the law while we were going through this. That told me I was doing the right thing in moving her to a different hospice service, and I fought them until we got her transferred without ANY cooperation from them. My gosh. My only regret is that we didn't do it sooner.
If the aides are avoiding you, that’s huge red flag.
I did not like a placement she had (years ago) so I called her doctor, told him I wanted her to move to an assisted living with private room and bathroom.
He sent the order to the supervisor, I gathered her belongings and wheeled her to my car, with her oxygen tank, and she was much better off.
Long term care insurance enabled her to have more options.
Long before that circumstance, my cousin was an absent POA. She never visited places, she decided from afar which was inadequate.
During a visit, I found her scratching her shingles, hands all bloody, soiled herself, the whole hallway stunk, so I called the state omnibus.
He was there within an hour.
They had tons of violations and understaffing. Closed for a few months to address it all.
No regrets making that call.
Your instincts are talking to you.
Listen to them.
There were simply no nursing homes where I would place my wife with dementia. I undertook the task of caring for her at home with caregivers whom I supervised and worked with. We became like a family and provided 24/7 care for her for 2 years. It was expensive, yes! But, she was happy, clean and knew that she was loved.
Anything less is simply neglect.
Again thank you to all who gave their advise and wisdom to a newbie who is just trying to navigate a path that is so difficult to go down.