New to caregiving. Need advice. - AgingCare.com

New to caregiving. Need advice.

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i have recently taken over the care for my in-laws. my father-in-law has early dementia and my mother-in-law is also in poor health. they had moved from their house in chilicothe to my house for a little over a month and then we were able to get them into an independent living facility. i am trying to figure out their financial picture because they have kept no records of anything. also trying to figure out medical history for both of them. i am just feeling completely overwhelmed. i thought it would be easier when they moved out but it is not because now i am having to run over to their place every night of the week to take them something; check on them; clean for them or something else. i work 40 hrs a week, plus manage the books for my husbands business and babysit my grandsons so any guidance or suggestions to make things easier/quicker would be greatly appreciated. also they are having a hard time adjusting to their new place and are complaining about everything. is this normal for someone that has gone from living on their own to someone living in an independent living community

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Just a comment on the nightly trips...Make a list of what they're requesting you to do, break it into categories and prioritize it.

Assuming they have food, that wouldn't be an immediate issue if they want something that's not available from the in-facility restaurant. Same with cleaning - these things can be done weekly.

Let them help prepare the shopping list so they don't feel as if total control has been removed from their lives. If they're ambulatory enough, perhaps even take them out for lunch or just for a ride (but be back before sundown).

If you help them with meds, get a weekly pill container and do it once a week as well. We use containers that have 4 daily compartments and little "boxes" for each day. You can make out a schedule as well so they know what to take, suggesting they check off each med as they take it.

I think they're uncomfortable in the new surroundings, and want companionship or company if even briefly to "ground" them and provide continuity. And given your FIL's dementia, he's probably very disoriented and unsettled.
Bring in some photos of the family for their rooms.

They may also perhaps even be angry because of their situation (and taking it out on you).

Are they participating in any activities? Perhaps you could talk to the activity director privately and ask that someone come down to get them for various activities (get a schedule and let them check off which ones they like then give it to the activity director).

Do they have any preferred music? Get a CD player with headphones (or an I-phone, if they can use it) and put on their favorite music when you leave after a visit to help calm them.

You'll have to redirect their need for nightly attention and put a stop to the on-call demands before you collapse. And I wholly agree with others that your husband needs to step up to the plate for his fair share.

Working fulltime plus helping his business and caring for your in-laws is a certain way to ruin your mental and physical health.
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I agree tell hubby he needs to do it also. Your too busy working 40 hours a week it will become to stressful for you alone in dealing with the running around of caring for aging in-law parent's — or getting nervous about the prospect and if he is unable then hire respite care part time and maybe go together for a couple of hours per week or what amount of time you both prefer, I should take my own bloody advice! Don't get to the point I am at. I am going to look for a job and quit being a full time caregiver for my Mom bringing in respite care have to for my relationship and my health.
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I hope you're their POA.

Moving is so very difficult for elderly people. It just upsets their whole world. However, many times it's necessary.

Your in-laws don't sound independent enough to be living in an independent facility. Not if you're running over there every night for something. What's your husband doing to lighten your load?

Can you condense your time with them? Instead of every night what about twice a week? Do what you need to do on those evenings. If they need you more than that you might want to think about hiring in-home help for them.

You said this is a recent situation. It sounds like you just need to get organized and that will happen in time. As long as you have POA you can get them straightened out and then maybe you won't have to spend so much time over there. Get your name on their checking accounts so you can write out checks on their behalf. Arrange for them to have online banking so you can bring up their information easily. Arrange for their recurring bills to be debited from their account on the same date each month. Make sure their appointments go on a calendar that stays in one place in their apartment. Instead of going over there to check on them, call. And get them LifeAlert or something similar. Getting them set up with all of these types of things takes time. Just chip away at it and things will get better. Just don't put yourself in the position of being their go-to gal. They live in independent living, they need to be independent. If they can't be they may need more supervision as in an assisted living apartment.

Is it normal for them to complain all the time since they moved from their own house? Yes. They might have bitten off more than they can chew with an independent living situation.

But just breathe. Everything will get done. And tell hubby to get his patootie over there too!
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It seems they need time to adjust to their new living arrangement.. Between the move to your house and now the new AL it is extremely confusing for your FIL regarding his dementia. They are nervous and anxious and need family to help them adjust...

Are their other siblings to help out?

Who is their POA? IMO your husband he should be doing all the running around..
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