Checking in with new poop and Diet Coke obsession for my dementia mom. Any advice?

Has she been checked for a UTI?

I think I wouldn't settle for an increase in curse t psych neds. I'D ASK for a new psych assessment by the geripsych.

One has to be careful regarding diet sodas, as I just noticed a few minutes ago reports that aspartame could possibly raise one's risk for dementia [Harvard Health Publications, Harvard Medical School, June 17, 2017]. Of course, there are other health issues that can also add to the risk for that aspartame soda drinker.

I use to drink diet sodas back in the 1970's and 1980's, then one day I stopped, I had a gut feeling about aspartame. So I went back to the regular sodas. Wasn't a big drinker of such sodas. Now that I have acid reflex, I went totally off all colas. I do miss my Cherry Coke !!

And yes, some artificial sweeteners can give you the "trots" as my Dad would call it. 

Oh, one way to get your Mom off of the diet coke is to have someone handle the coke, not your Mom. Bring the diet coke in a glass to her. Do that for a week. Then the following week, use 1/4 regular coke and 3/4 diet coke and see if Mom notices the difference. Then the week after that, 1/2 regular coke and 1/2 diet coke... you see where I am going with this.

As someone that was addicted to Diet Coke for years i know how difficult it is to stop. It contains a boatload of caffeine which definitely could be causing issues from irritability to nervousness. Not only has aspartene been link to dementia but also mdd ( major depression disorder). Thank God I finally got off this stuff. I suggest weaning

FF has a good idea here. My uncle was a diabetic and addicted to diet soda. The nursing home would let him have it, but they only provided those little tiny cans that are about 4 oz. total. He was allowed 1-2 of those per day. If you can lower the amount she's drinking slowly, week by week, it will be far better for her.

Some would be of the mindset that your mom is already in a nursing home, so apparently in bad health - so why not give her the one thing that makes her happy? I think that might be appropriate for someone who is in the last stages of life and perhaps struggling with appetite issues - my dad's NH staff told us to bring him whatever we wanted in order to try and get some calories into his body, because he was so sick from infections that he wasn't eating and was wasting away. So we brought milkshakes, Coke, burgers - all things to tempt him to eat. But that's far different than your mom with her Diet Coke addiction, which is obviously an obsession.

FF, the nurse says part of the problem for Mom is the carbonation causing gas....so she recommended I replace Mom's Diet Coke stash with non carbonated options. UGH

Susan, my Mom is actually very healthy besides the dementia. She works out on a regular basis and has no other major health issues. Diet Coke is the one treat she has left, so I hate to take them away.

Barb, I have an email into the head nurse to ask them to rule out UTI. Thanks for the reminder.

My husband's food obsession early in his dementia was ramen noodle soup -- those cheap little packages with seasoning packets. This was not ideal considering his CHF. I reduced the sodium somewhat by using only part of the seasonings. That obsession soon passed, thank goodness, but while it was active I tried to give him what he wanted, mitigating the risks the best I could.

JJ, I hear you on the reluctance to take away the one thing that seems to be what she really wants. The fact that it is apparently bad for her ... not in some distant "could cause x" way but bad for her right now ... puts you in a really tough spot. Hugs to you!

What if you told your mother that you read about something that was even better for constipation and would she like to try it? It could be iced tea or flavored water or any non-carbonated beverage you think she might like but that would be better for her than the pop.

Obsession with the bowel is not uncommon in dementia. I remember one member of my support group bringing it up meeting after meeting that her father insisted he was constipated and spent lots of time in the bathroom, even though he was regular. So weaning Mom from the diet pop may not completely solve her concern about her bowels.

My mother also had an obsession with her bowels. Its pretty common with that generation. She used to hide milk of magnesia all over her apt and with her bad memory, we were sure she was overdosing. Then she would complain about diarrhea, then constipation. Its a hard thing to deal with.
I would be concerned about too much diet coke. Latest medical studies are starting to identify the dangers of aspertame, and also artificial sweetners mess up the body's metabolism and can cause weight gain, believe it or not. If the drink contains caffeine, that can also cause anxiety and even irritability, etc.  Perhaps the staff there can help transition her to some sort of natural soda or drinks?  Some of the health food stores carry natural soda.

AmyGrace, I suspect Mom had an accident or two recently and was horrified by the lack of control, and she's now angry and obsessing in an attempt to regain some control. She even said to me once, "I used to be able to control my bowel movements." which I found to be a really odd way to put it, but the more I think about it, I believe this is all about control and her anger at not being in control.

My poor mom became obsessed with ''the F word'' [we had seen ''the phrase'' painted on a big rock along side the road about a year earlier] to the point where she had to say it before she could get out of bed, eat, or do anything else...and she needed me to hear her or it didn't count. Mom never swore a day in her life, so this was way out of character for her. The Hospice nurse tried to help out by suggesting to Mom to think of another word that started with F, like ''fudge'', and then said that she, the nurse, was on a diet and would like to have a ''diet coke and a fudge cookie''...good idea, but the next thing I knew, Mom was telling me that she needed ''8 chocolate candy bars and 8 chocolate cookies'' before she could start the day and I had to set them out so she could see them. She also wanted Depends on all the time because she was just sure that she was going to make a mess...the thing is, she never became incontinent until she started have seizures toward the end. It was frustrating and sad to watch this person that you've known all your life become someone you hardly knew at all...but that's just what happens and you deal with it the best you can.

However you get Mom off the Diet Coke, weaning is key. Gotta taper her intake.

If Mom abruptly goes from all that caffeine to none, she'll feel lethargic and headache-y and be extra cranky. (Can you tell I have a wee caffeine dependency myself??! Not Diet Coke, thank the good Lord.)

And I know everyone's system is different, but artificial sweeteners wreak havoc with my gut. Bloating, stabbing pains, weird gas and spells of, um, "overactivity."

Your poor mother. Classic dementia. She hones in on a problem that she needs to "fix," and her chosen solution makes it worse....or creates a new problem.

Check Mom's fridge and meal plan for "light" yogurt. They're also full of those same garbage sweeteners.

And -- again, just me -- but sucralose (and sweeteners in that category) are hard on my gut, too.

Thanks to everyone for their input, I appreciate it.

Blackhole, yes, I too have been known to have caffeine withdrawal headaches...and I do love Diet Coke like my Mom (it's the only soda we had in the house when I was growing up) however I have made an effort to cut way back. I have days where I don't have any, and days where I have a few of them. Been trying other non-sweetened options, which are usually a decent substitute if they are cold enough! ha ha

Anyway, I spoke with one of the floor caregivers today about Mom, and she said that even she noticed how many Diet Coke's Mom has been drinking, and we discussed the option of keeping Mom's DCs in the large "fridge" to be handed out at meal time only. Our angle is to tell Mom that since people are stealing her DC's, (which she believes is happening) keeping them in the "big" fridge will ensure that she doesn't run out....

I think cutting her off completely at this stage is just cruel! Today I stopped by to see her and she's back on the kick of wanting to live with me. There is nothing I can say that makes her happy except OK, and I'm not saying OK. So instead I told her I would look into it. I'll see how long that works...I tried distraction, which worked for a few minutes, but as I was leaving she brought it up again. She says, "I want to live with you and clean your house." As if that will seal the deal!!!!

Back to watching the Teepa Snow videos....WOW....so inspiring. I want to be able to have those awesome lines and calm down my own Mom....seems like everything I do just gives her an opportunity to argue with me. I don't want that, but there are so few things I can say that are non-arguable. Is that even a word?

OH, and my son, he's the one addicted to the Ramen Noodles.....

Sulynn, it's always so fascinating the things that they do remember, vs. all the other gazillion things they forget.

Keep us informed on how this goes, will you JJ? We learn from each other, and dealing with obsessions is a pretty common theme here!

thanks Jeanne, I'll keep you posted. It's amazing the amount of support here and how it has really helped me through all of this past year.

Things escalated very quickly. Thursday Mom got a small six pack of tiny Diet Cokes, Friday my son brought 24 regular sized diet coke cans to my Moms. Her caregiver who takes her to play cribbage at the senior center & to one of her training sessions at the gym brought her six more baby cans on Tuesday. So that's 36 Diet Cokes. It's been a week and she had consumed (or hidden) all but one tiny can by today. I brought her a bottle for her fridge and gave the kitchen three more for tomorrow.

Because she can't find a stash of diet coke in her room, she is OBSESSED. She is still convinced she can't poop, every time she sits on the pot and doesn't poop, she goes looking for diet coke. Every time she can't find the diet coke, she calls me.

I actually answered one of her calls and explained that there was one or two in her room and the rest were down the hall. I had to re-explain in four times in the same phone call. She called two minutes later wanting to know where her diet coke was.

This is not going well. She's FURIOUS. I quit answering the phone, but her voice mail messages are full of rage. She went raging to the nurse, who gave her a fiber wafer (that I picked up and brought to them for that very purpose.) Said Mom was yelling and in her face until she gave her the wafers. Mom went back to her room and called me to say the nurse didn't help her.

So much for the Placebo affect.

If I put a bunch of Diet Coke in her room so that she'll calm down about not having it, she will drink them all too fast, and add to her bowel issues.

If I don't, she will stay ANGRY and upset.

Gee....so much fun!

The quarterly review/meeting with the staff is next week (great timing....you bet we will be discussing strategies for this obsession)

Also, no answer yet on the possible UTI, but up till now she's not ever had one, and she's had raging episodes before. I'm not holding out hope that it's a solvable UTI.

At least she didn't yell at me while I was there visiting, she saving that for the voice mails.

and today only 3 calls, no anger, but VERY CONFUSED!!!!

If you have to not answer the phone and not visit as often as you have been to take care of yourself, then that's what you have to do. She isn't going to get any better about this and you have to have some control of her situation, just like they did when we were kids and they had to assess what was right for us.
Darn, this is an awful predicament, one we wish we didn't need to be involved in. But we have to do what's RIGHT for them first, whether they like it or not. There is no simple answer.

Sulynn,
It's very common for stroke victims to only be able to swear,but not talk, after their stroke. Maybe this is true with Alzheimer's/dementia also. The other words don't come out well but the swear words do. She is not responsible for her actions or words.

Your thread is just the thing I needed to read right now. I just got into bed from visiting my Mom all day. She is 93 & bedridden. She is obsessed with her bowels & now is refusing to wear the diaper because " It causes pressure on my butt, so I can't fart"🤔. Also, she lost her 1 good $1000.00 hearing aid. The caregiver & I went threw every inch on the bed, floor, bedding, trash, my Mom! Couldn't find it. Mom INSISTED it's stuck on her back! Checked her body again. Nope. Can't convince her🙄

Sorry I couldn't give you any sage advice. Just know, we feel your pain because we are not alone in these experiences (((HUGS)))

SueC, thank you. Mom has been relentless in her obsession--both poop and Diet Coke. I only answer one or two of her zillion calls, the rest go to voice mail. The theme of the voicemails are: I need some Diet Coke because I can't poop, except she says "sh*t" and my the. It's usually followed by yelling "god d*mmint". Once or twice she has threatened to tAke everything she ever gave me away. And the she follows all the ugliness with, "I want to live with you."

Yeah, ain't happening.

She's angry, can't find the Diet Coke that we do bring, today she had roughly 36 again and was calling to tell me she had none! 😐

Caring RN, thanks for that laugh! We can commiserate and find pockets of humor!

Caring RN, thanks for that laugh! We can commiserate and find pockets of humor!

Also, update: no UTI, just a rather swift & bizarre change in behavior. Tomorrow should be interesting, I'm taking her to the gym for her session with her personal trainer. Last week was OK, so fingers crossed that Mom is saving most of the anger for the voice mail.

So today I took Mom to her scheduled work out session with the trainer at the gym. She was actually pretty calm. She was VERY confused about a lot of stuff, but no yelling. The ladies at the kitchen in her "neighborhood" are keeping the diet coke for her, but she hasn't realized that there are none stored in her room anymore. Didn't matter, she couldn't find them, plus there is a rumor that she drank almost 12 in one day...

I do believe there is a nurse there that rubs Mom the wrong way, I was actually getting a vibe from her. The nurse had an attitude, and the nurse is convinced Mom is going to hit her. I'm thinking to myself, well she might if you can't lose the attitude, she's demented but not stupid, she can read vibes off people!!!
Anyway, I'm glad Mom didn't rage at me today, but it's kind of sad when she's' so confused. This disease stinks big time!!!

JJ just substitute milk of magnesia for diet soda and she could have been my Mom. I feel for you, we all do. It is just so hard to deal with dementia - there is no reasoning, but, as you said - all of a sudden their memory is crystal clear. Out of the blue, Mom would recite the poem "Trees" verbatim - yet couldn't remember what I said 2 minutes ago. Its so sad.
Question: since your mother gets so agitated, is it possible the doctor can put her on a tranquilizer? When Mom's dementia got worse and she was frustrated, she got angry and nasty sometimes, even pushed my sister. An antidepressant and tranquilizer helped her a lot. Maybe it would help with your Mom's obsession about bowels and soda? Mom finally got over her MOM obsession mainly because once moved to AL, she didn't have access to buying it as she did in IL, and she forgot about it. Prayers you can deal with your Mom and she will settle down soon.

Thanks AmyGrace, Mom is on some antidepressants, anti-anxiety, and mood controlling drugs. In fact, they just increased the mood controller about a week ago, and coincidentally or not, she was much calmer today.
Her caregiver took her to play cribbage at the senior center and reported back that today was almost like "old times" the old times of three weeks ago! ha.
Also, Mom has only called once today.

We had the quarterly review at the memory home today, and they faxed over a referral to the neurologist, who comes highly recommended for this area. Mom will get evaluated, and we will make sure she is on the correct meds for her.

So it was the director of nursing, another RN, the director of the facility, the director of activities, me, and the case-worker who I have contracted with (the company providing the outside caregivers also provides guidance for all aspects of elderly care.)

Almost all of them said that they think it sounds like Mom might have FTD. Like a total dummy, I said, "Frontal, Temporal....what's the D stand for?"

DUH....D=Dementia. ha ha ha Anyway, they said if the neurologist can confirm or come close to figuring out which type of dementia mom has, that will make it better for accurate medicine etc.

So that's the next step.

JJ it sounds like you are making progress and the facility staff is right on the ball, having meetings for family, discussing treatment, etc. Wonderful! They recognized that the medication she is on is not working like it should and recommended a neurologist to help get the right balance. Hopefully this will eventually end up helping your Mom be more calm and happy - and your frazzled nerves will get a break.
My mother was in AL in a Brookdale facility (not memory care as her dementia was manageable) It was a beautiful place, but we were not impressed with the staff, or the horrible food. It was expensive, she had level 3 care, and we expected more. Her room was kept immaculate, but she lost her hearing aids in her room and it cost us $2000 to replace them. They didn't monitor her anorexic eating habits and didn't notice she was barely eating and skipping meals. To our knowledge made no attempt to provide foods she would eat and never expressed concern to us . I used to bring her yogurt, Ensure and sweets and I think that is mostly what she lived on. They didn't try to guide her even though her dementia was obvious that she needed more attention. She was not capable of realizing when her hearing aids weren't working or needed batteries but so many times I visited and she couldn't hear at all and I had to bring her to the nurse's station for batteries. We insisted they take the aids away from her at night and put them in in the morning after both were lost and she kept fidgeting and throwing away the batteries. It seemed they noticed little unless Sis and I pointed it out. I was surprised that in the 10 months she was there they were only able to coax her into the shower twice. (she was stubborn!) She finally got so weak we had to move her to a NH and she got much better care there and much better tasting appealing food. But by then she was down to 85 pounds. She was 101 and miserably unhappy, so when she passed it was a blessing for her and for us.  But all her life, her health was excellent and I can't help wondering if she might have had more time if she had been given more oversight, appetite enhancers and more appealing food at the AL.
So, I'm happy for you and your Mom, that she has people who are very into her special needs.

JJ it sounds like you are making progress and the facility staff is right on the ball, having meetings for family, discussing treatment, etc. Wonderful! They recognized that the medication she is on is not working like it should and recommended a neurologist to help get the right balance. Hopefully this will eventually end up helping your Mom be more calm and happy - and your frazzled nerves will get a break.
My mother was in AL in a Brookdale facility (not memory care as her dementia was manageable) It was a beautiful place, but we were not impressed with the staff, or the horrible food. It was expensive, she had level 3 care, and we expected more. Her room was kept immaculate, but she lost her hearing aids in her room and it cost us $2000 to replace them. They didn't monitor her anorexic eating habits and didn't notice she was barely eating and skipping meals. To our knowledge made no attempt to provide foods she would eat and never expressed concern to us . I used to bring her yogurt, Ensure and sweets and I think that is mostly what she lived on. They didn't try to guide her even though her dementia was obvious that she needed more attention. She was not capable of realizing when her hearing aids weren't working or needed batteries but so many times I visited and she couldn't hear at all and I had to bring her to the nurse's station for batteries. We insisted they take the aids away from her at night and put them in in the morning after both were lost and she kept fidgeting and throwing away the batteries. It seemed they noticed little unless Sis and I pointed it out. I was surprised that in the 10 months she was they were only able to coax her into the shower twice. (she was stubborn!) She finally got so weak we had to move her to a NH and she got much better care there and much better tasting food. But by then it was too late. She was 101 and time I guess. But her health was excellent and I can't help thinking she might have had more time if she had more appealing food and oversight at the AL.
So, I'm happy for you and your Mom, that she has people who are very into her special needs.