Hi there. My aunt has been refusing care for the last 8 years and now we are in crisis. She is refusing to go to a home, but she can't be alone for even 30 minutes. We don't have savings and don't know what to do. I am 3,000 miles away and her kids are also 500 or more away.
The state is dragging their feet. She went into the hospital at 80 lbs having no idea what was going on and they released her.
We were all shocked.
What do we do, she is in crisis mode.
In a reply you stated
"She has end-stage Alzheimer's. She doesn't know what day it is, she doesn't eat, she doesn't bath, she poops and pisses herself, she can't wait, she can't form a sentence---just those things."
Is this an actual medical diagnosis? Or is this an opinion?
She has no legal representative and possibly no actual medical diagnosis of dementia and this is why the hospital hasn't been of much help. Because of HIPAA her doctors cannot legally disclose her private medical diagnosis/information to just anyone, even family. And conversely, they often won't accept medical/health information about her from just anyone, even family.
I agree with others who have suggested emergency guardianship. You cousin can do this. Someone who doesn't already have a LO with dementia should be the temp caregiver for her, if she cooperates and stays in the house (which isn't guaranteed). If she needs hospitalization again in the near future, be sure to send her to a *different* hospital, where she might get better care and possible direct facility placement from the in-hospital social workers there. The cousin needs to be forceful in telling them she is an "unsafe discharge", and show video proof of her behavior/lack of memory / lack of abilities to care for herself. The hospitals are overwhelmed with people like her so they will not hesitate to discharge her no matter what.
My own personal experience with my stepFIL with Parksinsons was that even after I insisted to the hospital ER discharge staff that he was not fit to be at home on his own, they called me up at work and harangued me to come get him (he was 6'4"). When I told them I had kids and was at my job 30 miles away the Sheriff then called me and said he was dropping him off at his house and I'd better be there with the key. I'm not making this up. Eventually I worked with county social services and they got guardianship for him but it was a long, messy slog.
Left under her own powers eg in a Taxi on her own? In which caae she is able to do so (even if a poor decision).
Or did a relative or neighbour picked her up? I get how you can be 'set up' & offer just to drive someone home & find yourself left the person on the spot.
Or you can wait for a real medical crisis. Which tbh her weight sounds like a legit medical issue.
Who is with with her now? What is happening that she can’t be alone?
DO NOT spend any of your money on her care. Only her money goes to that.
Tell us more.
What's happening that she can't be alone? Is this a serious question? She has end-stage Alzheimer's. She doesn't know what day it is, she doesn't eat, she doesn't bath, she poops and pisses herself, she can't wait, she can't form a sentence---just those things.
No one is with her now. She is left alone.
We have called hospice and nurses and no one is doing anything, it's gross.
If there is no PoA… is anyone in contact with a neighbor of hers who can persistently report her to APS? Outside of this, the only option is for “someone” of her family to take a week or 2 off to deal with this in person. Doing it long distance will be difficult and time consuming. No PoA means “someone” will need to pursue guardianship. This will default to her county unless “someone else” takes the time & pays the money to do so.
I’m so sorry you’re family is struggling with this train wreck.