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Dear Aging Care Forum,


Today, I have a new caregiver who is very good. Though my mother is now being resistant, argumentative, no understanding. This is like a flipped day. Totally unreasonable, not being nice.


Is it just because a new day person is with her today and we're all relearning or she is trying out her independence on the new person? It's all a bit stressful for me. If she doesn't take to this new person, it will be the end of the line for me and will need to look at putting her in a home.


I feel like I'm looking at the beginning of the end.


Other things that have happened. Suddenly, her sleep cycle is off. She is talking in her sleep, mumbling, groaning, and not sleeping well. This causes her to want to sleep in the daytime and then she doesn't sleep at night. This current event will make it very hard for my hubby and I to care for her as we have been doing for the last 1.5 years.


Everyday is a new thing. What a game changer.


LastOne

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Dear NowMyMomsMom,

Thank you for your kind words and sharing your experience too. And also, thank you for caring about me also. No UTI, but I think she could be trying the new gal's patience and tolerance. This afternoon she is much better and has a smile on her face. So does the caregiver! I'm thankful for that! I'm going to hate to see her leave at the end of the day today.

Best you and to your mom too!

Hugs,
LastOne
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Was just going to say, check for UTI!
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Last One -all great answers above, yes she may be trying out the level of patience with the new caregiver or she may just feel off,confused, sick or even a UTI! Give her a few days to adjust and then see how she is.......my mom has done some very strange and crazy things but a few days later or even the next day she doesn't remember "acting up" or the incidence at all and is back to herself. As said before with dementia/Alzheimers it is difficult with any change in their routine. Give it time, if it continues I would see her doctor and get their opinion.Then see if it is time for her to need more care than you can give at home and she may need a facility that has a staff that is trained for this! Check into different facilities that best fit her needs and remember you are NOT giving up on her and trust me as an idealist as well even in a facility it is almost a FT job overseeing what THEY do, how they do it, if it is correct.....therapy,appts, meds, meals...etc.....Remember tomorrow is another day and hopefully she will begin to be back to her normal self, if not you need to do what is best for YOU and mom!Best of luck to you on this journey!
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Just wanted to add that you may want to have her checked for a bladder infection if her behavior rapidly worsens. This happened to my mom. It was like she was 2 different people.
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Dear Hugemom,

Thank you for your helpful note. I think you are correct about the change in caregiver. This is a really awesome caregiver! The best we have had! She is 30 years in the business, has a mom with dementia, is kind, careful, thoughtful, smart, and meets the person where they are at. She has savvy in this area that I will never have.

We try to keep mom occupied during the day so that she gets back on a normal sleep cycle!

I wish you the best with your mom too!

LastOne
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I can totally sympatize with you! My 93 yr. old. mom is in a home. Because of plumbing problems in the room, she was abruptly put in another room WITH a roommate. She was miserable--anxious, weepy, dramatic, confused, you name it. It culminated in her slapping her roommate because she started hallucinating that the roommate was a man. People who suffer from dementia don't accept change well at all. It completely throws them into a tizzy, so to speak. I would be willing to bet that your mom is "acting out" just like a child. Performing for the new audience. If your cargiver is good, they will understand what's happening, but make her aware that you are aware of it as well. Also, my mom sleeps most of the day too. Her quality of sleep at night is impacted and she has vivid dreams. She does not participate in many of the activities at the home because she is antisocial. Since your mom is at home, you may want to explore what's available in your area for elders with dementia just to get her out. And please remember that if and when it becomes necessary to have her go to a nursing home, its nothing to beat yourself up about. Hugs!
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Hi JessieBelle,

Thanks for your note. I just find this a distressing day. My mom was relentless for hours, practically kicking and screaming. This wasn't like her norm at all. It used to be a brief bit, but the carrying on really worried me for things to come. It's a constant roulette wheel, never know where it's going to stop or land on next! I wish I could change that wheel with only happy, positive and great things!

Guess I've always been an idealist and wanted the best situation to happen for all.

LastOne
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LastOne, you answered your own questions so well that I can't really think of anything else to add. I hope that your mother settles down with the new caregiver in a few days. That would make things a lot easier. :)
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