i have some simple advice. just listen carefully to her concerns. shes becoming near helpless and the smallest things are mountains to her. something as simple as overgrown toenails could make her life a constant misery. treat her like shes on a pleasure cruise and its her last cruise.. near the end of life she will likely have mobility problems. take steps to ensure that she doesnt become one of the 70 % of aged with a broken bone as a final hurrah. make sure that her primary sitting arrangement is as comfortable as possible. they sit a lot and a sore azz and pressure sores are a likelyhood. shes going to die at a point so she'll want to review her life . let her talk and offer genuine compliments when appropriate. communicate with key words emphesized. ie; i'll be back " every day -- every day -- every day.. try not to talk to her like shes a child. shes anything but.. read about end of life matters on websites so you know what to expect. uk has some of the best articles imo.. approach it as tho your a friend, advocate, and professional caregiver. its something youll look back on with pride. do a job youll be proud of. when she has visitors ease out of the room and let her nurture her other relationships without interferance. your the night watchman at a loony bin. that mindset gives you the detachment required to preserve your own sanity.
While your mother is still independent, make sure that all legal papers are prepared and signed by her so you have powers of attorney for financial issues as well as medical issues. Make sure HIPPA papers have been signed for each of her doctors so you can discuss medical issues with them. Since she is still independent, discuss all of this with her, what things she can do, what things she thinks she needs help with. When I started down this road five years ago with my parents (now 95 and 99), my mother could still handle some things but after a fall and broken leg, she lost the ability to deal with numbers accurately and could not do a number of things for herself. My dad has been limited for a long time because of near blindness. All the paperwork was in place so I could handle their financial lives. Whenever they are hospitalized for one reason or another, I bring the medical power of attorney with me so I make sure it is in the hospital's records. Also their primary care doctor has copies. And I provided copies to the medical insurance company as well. I provided copies of the financial power of attorney to their bank, their CPA, my dad's pension managing company. Without these documents in place, you won't be able to discuss problems with them as they come up.
Support groups can be found through a number of sources. The Alzheimer's Association has a number of support groups. Go to their website, www.alz.org, and put in your zip code and they will give you a list. Local hospitals may have support groups. If you have a senior center in your area, they may have a support group or know of one. Your local library may know of support groups. Churches sometimes have support groups for this issue.
Caregiving for yourself as well as your mother is very important. I am lucky that I have my husband in the background dealing with some of the day-to-day stuff when he can (he has cancer and is in chemo). I have stayed in touch with friends and do lunch or just send e-mails.
And I still work part time, part of my keeping myself for myself. As you can see, I have a very busy caregiving life I lead, but you can do it if you get the pieces in place that you will need down the road. Coming on a site like this to ask your question is a great start. Continue to follow people's questions and the answers shared. You will find solutions to problems you haven't even thought of yet. Good luck.
I've been taking care of my Mom who has Alzheimer's for 2.5 years. My Angel (dad) passes December 15, 2011). My mom started exhibiting odd behavior and was diagnosed 3 months later. Please keep in mind I'm only giving you my opinion from what I've experienced. I'm 53 also, and caring for her is killing me. (1) I don't know of groups other than Alzheimer's Association. Call the Agency on Aging; they may be able to refer you. (2) if you have siblings, sit down and talk to them as to what to expect from them (my brother does NOTHING TO HELP. It gets in the way of his social life (3) mostly important, take time for YOU. You can get burned out. I hired caregivers. My Mom said she wouldn't talk to them, but by the end of the day, she was talking her head off; (4) If your Mom gets angry, realize she is scared. If she's open to it, show you that you love her my Mom gets violent with me (she has never been a very nice person; and (5) another important thing. Don't make your Mom your no. 1 priority 24/7. Make sure you keep up with friends. I've lost most of mine because I haven't kept up with them, I'm living 2,5 hours away from them; and I suffer from chronic migraines.
All I have to say to you is don't beat yourself up. There will be good days and bad days. You are only human. When you feel yourself getting impatient, leave the room for a few minutes and get your wits back. Make time for yourself and your family. It is a great thing that your mother is independent. Let her do whatever she can do on her own until she can't. Prayers to you on this endeavor. There will be laughs as well as tears. Be strong and use this site as much as you need to. It really does help to know there are others in your situation. :)
As LEP stated cooperation from siblings, if you have them is very important. I would recommend, however, do not tell them what is expected of them. There are many on this site, including me, whose siblings refuse any assistance. These siblings use a wide variety of excuses but I think it comes down to they just are not emotionally capable of being in the caregiver role. It is hard and grueling work! Not everybody is capable to do the job that includes watching the continuous decline of our parents, it absolutely heartbreaking at times.
If you sense any sort of issue with siblings, contact a geriatric care manager, that will be responsible for making recommendations for your mom's care and only in her best interest. These care managers are normally social workers that will also attempt to get the adult children to work together for mom's benefit. It is best to do this early on or you could end up in a situation where your relationships with siblings will be destroyed.
Do not take anything personal that mom, siblings or anyone else says to you. Nobody understands the situation better than you. You will need a thick skin, probably made of titanium. Come to this site often, the caregivers here will listen and have a better understanding than anybody else you could possibly find. It is safe and acceptable to come here to vent your frustrations, ask questions, participate in discussions as you develop in this new role.
And do not forget, take care of yourself. Find the help you need when you need it. Check out day programs in your area. Do not wait until it is absolutely necessary, it will be much easier on mom to make adjustments like this early on. If you wait you will most likely encounter very strong objections. Good Luck!
Stay on this site and visit it often w/questions and experiences. You will find this is the greatest support group you can find. It has helped me tremendously understand what I had been going through with my still fisty w/dementia MIL. Today I am much stronger in coping with the aging process -- both her's and mine.
Read the little book "Talking To Alzheimer's" secretly in your spare time. For me, it set the tone for our interactions. I tend to be one of those people who need to "get it right" all the time; this sort of situation never lets you win. Get in the habit of eating well and taking 40 min. daily for exercise, even if it's pushups and situps in your living room. Martyrs don't seem to score big in this event, fill your chest with love and know that it isn't forever.
I would suggest to get educated and seek out help early and often. Don't wait until you're nearly burnt out to reach out and get some assistance. There's lots of help if you're open to it so you don't have to go it alone and feel isolated through it all.
People here in agingcare are very accommodating and warm, so if you encounter any issues that you find difficult to handle, do not hesitate to ask question and you will find helpful answers. Caregiving is a very stressful task, which can drain you physically, emotionally and mentally. A lot of caregivers in long term care facilities and even family caregivers providing care to loved ones who are dependent on long term care services also experience stress and even depression. There are also a lot of senior caregiver support group, I have a list of caregiver support group that you can check, I have included their website and contact details in case you want to give them a call so you can raise your concerns:
near the end of life she will likely have mobility problems. take steps to ensure that she doesnt become one of the 70 % of aged with a broken bone as a final hurrah.
make sure that her primary sitting arrangement is as comfortable as possible. they sit a lot and a sore azz and pressure sores are a likelyhood.
shes going to die at a point so she'll want to review her life . let her talk and offer genuine compliments when appropriate.
communicate with key words emphesized. ie; i'll be back " every day -- every day -- every day..
try not to talk to her like shes a child. shes anything but..
read about end of life matters on websites so you know what to expect. uk has some of the best articles imo..
approach it as tho your a friend, advocate, and professional caregiver. its something youll look back on with pride. do a job youll be proud of.
when she has visitors ease out of the room and let her nurture her other relationships without interferance.
your the night watchman at a loony bin. that mindset gives you the detachment required to preserve your own sanity.
Support groups can be found through a number of sources. The Alzheimer's Association has a number of support groups. Go to their website, www.alz.org, and put in your zip code and they will give you a list. Local hospitals may have support groups. If you have a senior center in your area, they may have a support group or know of one. Your local library may know of support groups. Churches sometimes have support groups for this issue.
Caregiving for yourself as well as your mother is very important. I am lucky that I have my husband in the background dealing with some of the day-to-day stuff when he can (he has cancer and is in chemo). I have stayed in touch with friends and do lunch or just send e-mails.
And I still work part time, part of my keeping myself for myself. As you can see, I have a very busy caregiving life I lead, but you can do it if you get the pieces in place that you will need down the road. Coming on a site like this to ask your question is a great start. Continue to follow people's questions and the answers shared. You will find solutions to problems you haven't even thought of yet. Good luck.
(1) I don't know of groups other than Alzheimer's Association. Call the Agency on Aging; they may be able to refer you. (2) if you have siblings, sit down and talk to them as to what to expect from them (my brother does NOTHING TO HELP. It gets in the way of his social life (3) mostly important, take time for YOU. You can get burned out. I hired caregivers. My Mom said she wouldn't talk to them, but by the end of the day, she was talking her head off; (4) If your Mom gets angry, realize she is scared. If she's open to it, show you that you love her my Mom gets violent with me (she has never been a very nice person; and (5) another important thing. Don't make your Mom your no. 1 priority 24/7. Make sure you keep up with friends. I've lost most of mine because I haven't kept up with them, I'm living 2,5 hours away from them; and I suffer from chronic migraines.
If you sense any sort of issue with siblings, contact a geriatric care manager, that will be responsible for making recommendations for your mom's care and only in her best interest. These care managers are normally social workers that will also attempt to get the adult children to work together for mom's benefit. It is best to do this early on or you could end up in a situation where your relationships with siblings will be destroyed.
Do not take anything personal that mom, siblings or anyone else says to you. Nobody understands the situation better than you. You will need a thick skin, probably made of titanium. Come to this site often, the caregivers here will listen and have a better understanding than anybody else you could possibly find. It is safe and acceptable to come here to vent your frustrations, ask questions, participate in discussions as you develop in this new role.
And do not forget, take care of yourself. Find the help you need when you need it. Check out day programs in your area. Do not wait until it is absolutely necessary, it will be much easier on mom to make adjustments like this early on. If you wait you will most likely encounter very strong objections. Good Luck!
http://www.infolongtermcare.org/senior-caregiver-support/elderly-caregiver-support-organization/
See All Answers