My nephews never visited grand mom and now have inheritance.

Bluntly, since you ask, yes you are wrong.

Well - no, not *wrong.* You feel how you feel. You are entitled to your opinion.

But I think you will feel better if you enlarge your view, and remember that inheritance is not just about what people deserve, in a simple do the work reap the rewards way.

Focus on the boys' right to receive their legacy; and hope that they in time they will reflect on what that money really means in terms of duty to one's family, as demonstrated by their grandmother.

There's also that parable about the men turning up early, later on and very late at the vineyard, and they all get the same wages. I have to say that as a child I totally sympathised with the harder workers and thought it was a rubbish parable; but I now (if grudgingly) accept that the moral is that you receive according to how much you are loved - i.e. by God, infinitely - rather than by how much you deserve. Well humph!

Your mother loved all her family. And she didn't love you any the less because of it.

Wills can be a tricky business that seem to more often than not cause hard feelings among those included and those left out alike.

Some use wills as a way to control, reward and punish. Others think an even split is the way to go, regardless of who visits, does caregiving and/or does other work for the person that passed. Many use it as a final word or a final smack down. Others bequeath the standard splits, giving it little thought.

I think the key to surviving a will is to accept it is what it is - people can choose who and how they want their estate distributed - and that receiving anything at all is more than you had. Just try not to dwell on it or over think it.

I say this as I'm currently executor of my mothers estate - again being the person doing all the work - as I have the past six years for my parent... yet getting the exact same amount as my brother who lives locally and only saw our mom twice a year and NEVER called.

It is what it is and stewing or being bitter about it doesn't change a thing - and only serves to make me unhappy while my brother counts his cash.

Yes, you're wrong. And the person your wronging is yourself.

Your *feelings are NOT wrong. I would feel the exact same way and probably be angry. But your thinking is wrong. And wrong thinking is hurting you. Bear this in mind. Your nephews weren't given a dime from your mother's estate (rightfully so). Your sister was given an inheritance (which makes sense). You knew that at some point if your sister died, whatever *she had would be left to her sons, and that's what happened. So you lost nothing and no wrong was committed here. Reminding yourself of that will give you emotional relief.

But no, in feeling that way, you are ABSOLUTELY NOT WRONG. But continuing to feel that way, you are hurting yourself.

There's nothing you can do to change the way things are, but you can stop it from making you miserable. That's the only option available to you, to not let this make you miserable.

I feel this way about my brother. He got all of moms money. She said he needs it because he can't hold a job and is on SS I
But he caused mom plenty of problems and was self centered. I. helped her.
I think it's normal feelings.

"Others think an even split is the way to go, regardless of who visits, does caregiving and/or does other work for the person that passed." This is so unfair. Before people agree to be caregivers, they should know what the will/trust says about distribution of assets after the elder passes. If it's equal-schmequal, then the prospective caregiver has the right to negotiate payment from the elder in exchange for caregiving.

I agree with you completely, FreqFlyer. On more than one occasion my mom wanted to write my oldest brother out of her will - even going to far as once making an appointment with her attorney. But it was me - the one doing all the work - who continually persuaded my mother to keep the even three way split and not disinherit him. It just wouldn't have been worth all the hard feelings and wrangling that was sure to occur if my brothers and I didn't get an equal share.

I hear you both. I get the parable. I forgot to mention my nephews are 25 and 34 years of age. They were old enough to visit my mom on their own. They never even called her. They never thanked her when she sent birthday or Christmas money. They were unthankful brats. I don't even think my mom really loved them. She left the money to my sister. She didn't know my sister would come down with cancer and die a year later. My mom had thought about taking this sister out of the will a few years before her own death because said sister didn't talk to her for 3 years. I talked her out of it.

I vented on here a few weeks ago about my mother's will. She initially had everything split evenly amongst us four kids. But, apparently a few years ago she changed her will to give two of her sons a little extra before the split. This is the two sons who never call or visit and when she calls the one, he whines about how hard his life is and hints that he needs her to send him money (she already pays all of his utilities and put a roof over his head). The one has literally not laid eyes on his other since May 2015 (yes, I'm keeping track).

Mom2mom- funny you should tell that story. I was just thinking the same thing. Yesterday I watched one of those morbid reality shows about the death of Karen Carpenter. Karen died the morning of the day she was to sign her divorce papers - which she had been putting off. As a result, her would-be soon ex-husband - who soundered like a real piece of work - received a chunk of her estate.

Hubby and I have been meaning to change our wills for five years now - guess we better get on it!

I agree with Rainmom, it is what it is. Whether you feel you and yours are screwed over, or your conscience makes you feel you are the undeserving recipient of an unexpected windfall, or your are just a greedy SOB looking for everything you think you deserve, there is no point getting bent out of shape about it. The person who wrote the Will had their reasons - even if you don't understand or agree with them - it is best to just accept it.