My nephews never visited grand mom and now have inheritance.

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My mother passed away 2 years ago. I took care of her for 5 years after my father passed. She bought the house next door to me. She had COPD, never drove and relied on me for most everything. My one sisters son's never even saw the inside of my moms new house. My sister passed away this past November. They are now splitting my sisters share of a nice size inheritance. I don't want their money, but am having trouble with thinking they don't deserve it either. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

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When my father got older, I asked him to be sure there were not even two nickels left over, because someone would be fighting over them. So he left everything to his third wife, who put up with him for 24 years. She earned it.
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I personally feel that my dad's money is his...he earned it, saved it and is now using it to his benefit to support his living expenses and care at the ALF. If he goes through it all to do that, then bravo. If there is nothing left, fine. We adult children in his will...but I don't worry about whether there will be much or any leftover after his death. I don't know why children feel they deserve any money from their parents. They don't. When I die, my IRA will go to my husband, and should we die together, it will go to a charity (I don't have kids). I don't need to support my siblings after I go...they can support themselves. I think the less greed in this world, a better place it can be. I wish more people would leave their money to deserved charities as their legacy. This would avoid a lot of ill will and support deserved causes.
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Your feelings are legit. And your mom made her choices. It is what it is.

Our aging parents cannot see the future. And often they cannot (or will not?) see the present. It's maddening.

Frequently there is an heir or heirs who get the same (or more) as the heir(s) who sacrifice the most for that elder. It makes no sense. But we only hurt ourselves with anger and resentment.

Just another chapter in our elders' impaired reasoning (dementia or not). And stubbornness. And refusal to acknowledge the pint of view of those who are looking out for them.

Learning the hard way myself....how much grace I lack. Dollars & cents or not, the perceptions of others can be frustrating. After you've been on the front line of elder care, it's hard to acknowledge the "blessings" that the bystanders spout off about. Up close, the journey is too surreal.

Be kind to yourself.
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Is there a will and if so, it must be read and abided by?
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This is how I understand it. Your Mom died leaving money that was split between her children. Then ur sister died and "her" children inherited "her" money, which it was your sisters money. No longer your mother's. I can see your point but maybe you need to look at it as your sister's money.
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Well sstigmama1 My answer is NO You are definitely not wrong for feeling as You do. You Cared for Your Sister for five years, and Your Sister's two Nephews Who never visited come away with a large inheritance, that would make me sick. In my opinion it is the Person Who Cares for a Relative or Friend should be remembered in the will first. I know We became Carers out of Love and respect for Those Who We Care for, but it is not nice to be passed over and forgotten either. Since it is written in the Bible " You reap what You sowe, You have every right in thinking as You do.
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Yes, you're wrong. And the person your wronging is yourself.

Your *feelings are NOT wrong. I would feel the exact same way and probably be angry. But your thinking is wrong. And wrong thinking is hurting you. Bear this in mind. Your nephews weren't given a dime from your mother's estate (rightfully so). Your sister was given an inheritance (which makes sense). You knew that at some point if your sister died, whatever *she had would be left to her sons, and that's what happened. So you lost nothing and no wrong was committed here. Reminding yourself of that will give you emotional relief.

But no, in feeling that way, you are ABSOLUTELY NOT WRONG. But continuing to feel that way, you are hurting yourself.

There's nothing you can do to change the way things are, but you can stop it from making you miserable. That's the only option available to you, to not let this make you miserable.
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jkmorford, I was just curious about what you had written, as the following question came into mind: did the two great-granddaughters avoid or neglect having contact with your parents, or were they simply unable to either because they were too young even to know your parents, or unable to visit because there was no one to take them or they lived too far away? That is, was the lack of contact beyond their control? I suspect relatively few people get to meet their great-grandparents, or at least meet them when older than infants or small children. However, my uncle was able to hold his great-granddaughter's baby at his 100th birthday party.
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Wow, churchmouse, what a beautiful answer. My suggestion is to really find a way to let this go, or it may poison you. You were the one who received the real blessings: those precious last years with your mother. The boys missed out on that. Perhaps this will help. Ask yourself what you want them to do now? Are they supposed to give that money back to you? Of course not. There is no answer for you to receive peace on this issue now, after Mom's death, other than finding a way to allow yourself to let it go. Blessings to you.
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We are facing a similar situation and I have really struggled with it. My parents set up their estate so that it will be split among all their children when they pass. One of my brothers has already died, so his share will go to his estate. He only had one daughter, who has also died, so it will end up being split between his two granddaughters, who are set to inherit a great deal of money from another family member. It doesn't seem right that his share will go to these two great-granddaughters who never have any contact with my parents, but legally that's the way it is set up, so that's what will be done.
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