I am beside myself with disgust over my 45 yr old nephew that lives with my elderly mother. My sister (his mother) was my mom's caregiver and lived with her along with her son (my nephew) and his two teenage children.
My sister passed away in August and enabled her son his entire life. He is a thief, a liar and addicted to drugs. Never had a job and is collecting SS disability because of an injured foot. Never paid any rent, utilities, does buy food every now and then, but basically my mom foots the bill for everything. He has a suspended driver's license but continues to drive my mom's car. She pays for all the gas. Now, he is her basic caregiver, she refuses to leave her home, or kick him out because she literally has blinders on when it come to defending him. I am her POA, and thankfully he cannot get to her bank account. She only has one credit card and I monitor that. My sister set me up big time, because she always paid for everything (and he stole everything she ever had). I have tried to convince my mom to sell her place and either live with us or move to assisted living, but she says she is not ready. I live an hour away and make 2-3 trips up there weekly. She will be 90 in Feb. and her short term memory is fading quickly. My nephew plays on that big time. I could go on and on, but tonight was the last straw. My mom got two boxes of candy for Christmas that she received at my home on Sunday. I took her home on Sunday and she put the candy in her pantry. I witnessed it. Today is Tuesday. Tonight I get a call from her asking her if I knew where her candy was. It has disappeared and I know he took it. I have got to get her away from him, but she says he does all these things for her around the house and yard. He is a master manipulator. My husband and I are going up there tomorrow and all "he*l" is going to break loose. We have the sheriff on speed dial, because he does have a temper. I am sorry for venting, but I am about ready to explode. My health is an issue, I have Multiple Myeloma, treatable, not curable. Also was in hospital with COVID in November. I am my mom's only recourse, and I am at the point that I am going to have to make some very tough decisions and she is not going to be happy about it.
Any advice? Have you been there done that?
You're POA, which is a major barrier on nephew stealing said assets that you are POA over. The next step might be relocating fine jewelry to a safe deposit box.
The biggest issue would come if she's prescribed any controlled substance, which you'd be able to see if she grants access to her prescription history (and given that you're POA, she should). You go up 2-3 days a week, maybe those are the days you put in her bottle exactly the number of Ativan or Vicodin or whatever it is for the few days that you come over again.
Christmas candy should not be the hill to die on anyway, the other stuff is more concerning.
Maybe mom put the candy somewhere she doesn't remember? The candy s not the major concern. It is the possible dangerous situation with your nephew living there. I would seek out an attorney to talk about possible eviction since this is his home. Then what about mom, get that lined up, get a plan in place with attorney's help.
Nephew using mom's car without a license? Notify the police.
Your POA may not give you any power at all unless mom is deemed incapacitated by doctors in some way. Read it. Consult with an attorney.
2. Find an Assisted Living place bear you.
3. Arrange for mom to have lunch there.
4. Arrange a move in date. Move mom. Don't ask her if she wants to go.
An noted above, she is not acting in her own best interest.
Can you tip the police off about him not having a driver’s license? If he is detained then you will be able to speak to your mom without him being present.
You say that he has a temper which concerns me about your safety.
Drug addicts can be unpredictable.
Of course addicts steal but candy isn’t a priority for them. They want money or items that they can sell for quick cash.
Is it possible to speak to a police officer about the situation and ask if he would be willing to accompany you when you visit?
I have called the police department before to ask for a car to patrol my street when there was suspicious activity in my neighborhood and they sent someone out.
I don’t know if they would be willing to park out front of your mom’s house just in case they were needed.
Wishing you all the best in succeeding to remove your mom from his care.
She deserves to be cared for properly. I don’t blame you for being so upset.
It sounds like your mom and sister have enabled him for far too long.
Your mom is in over her head and truly isn’t capable of handling the situation on her own.
She absolutely needs someone to intervene on her behalf.
This is a horrible challenge for you and your husband to take on.