So...what do you do if neither you, nor your Mom can afford assisted living?

A private elder care attorney would likely be expensive. However, a local not for profit or government funded senior center might provide elder care attorney services or be able to refer you to an elder care attorney who provides some pro bono services/uses a sliding pay scale.

thank you Upstream, that was good info. where does your cousin live? I understand that its different from state to state. I live in Florida and its been up hill to get help. my mom is in the same position that your cousin mom was, and its depressing to see your mom in that state when you walk in the door after a long days work. She wont take her depression meds. sometimes all i want to do is lay down for a bit, but I cant cause she's waiting for me for some companionship. I'm the only person she talks to all day, unless someone calls her on the phone. its come to a point where my husband and I are thinking to move back to Philadelphia where my mom is from.
I thought being in florida where is warm would do her good, I quess not. sometimes she wont even come out of her room. its frustrating.

Marwil, I understand! When I was a teenager my mom's mom moved in with us and she just waited, all day, for us to come home. My poor mom had no down time after work and it did my parents marriage no favors. That's why I said "know your limits". My mom thought my grandmother would maintain some independence, but never did. My parents were miserable for years. Honestly it took quite a toll on marriage, health, etc. over the course of a decade+. My cousin lives in South Dakota. She had gotten her mother on Medicaid. Then her mother took a fall in the bathroom and injured herself, and I think it all moved forward through Medicaid after that. Her mother had no assets and social security income of less than $700/month.

How do you pay for Assisted Living until Medicaid starts ??

@kjordan17, unfortunately many places will only take Medicaid residents if they've lived there for 1-2 years under private pay. Private pay means you're paying unsubsidized, full rent, plus care fees. If there is a life insurance policy in effect, you may be able to convert it to a long term care benefit (see the article on that on this site). The private-pay requirement may not exist in your state though, so it's a good idea to talk to someone local who can advise you about what options are available. Best of luck!

We skipped assisted living ie my sig-other lived with his folks until recently when they finally needed to go to the nursing home. AND still--during the last few years--he needed more help since they both had some physical challenges plus dementia. Anyway they qualified for home-care-helpers to come regularly to the home--all paid for by the Dept of Aging and qualified by a local agency to determine needs: financial and daily skills requirements. So for 1 year we had 6 hours of help weekly--at no out of pocket cost--and the last 6 months that increased to 15 hours weekly. And this is a savings to the state over nursing home cost. It took a toll on my sig-other physically and mentally tho'......yet he felt strongly that he wanted to keep them "in their home" as long as possible.....that is what they had wanted too.....when they could express their desires to him. Now, I see that this path turned out for the best--altho I wasn't sure when we were in the middle of it--because they have adjusted so well to the nursing home--where it may NOT have been so smooth earlier when they were still more aware of where they were etc.

So.......this might be an option for you too........just enuf "help" to keep your mom on track with her pills or house upkeep or what ever you see that she needs help with. And there are library books or senior-resources that can help you "navigate" this process. Ask your Dr for suggestions or contact the Dept of Aging. There are ways to get the help you need---keep asking Qs. That was probably the hardest part for us---to BELIEVE that we deserved to get the help we needed enuf to just KEEP ASKING. Hope this helps.

If your Mom sells her house, you can use the money she gets from the sale to pay for a home health aide. Depending on the state you live in, the costs vary.

why is it so hard to find information and get help? seems to me that there ought to be a standardized method of going about this. From what I am reading, its this or that, yes or no, maybe, depends. Good lord, got a headache from it and I'm not even in this stage of making that decision!

Elder care is difficult to figure out NJCinderella.