So...what do you do if neither you, nor your Mom can afford assisted living?

MY SOs folks just now in NH....long 10yr journey with my SO as POA and live-in caregiver. Library BOOKs helped me learn HOW to communicate with family and navigate thru all the "disfunctional family dynamics" and still stay on my side of the street too. It was definitely a "personal growth" process for me. Caregiving elderly parents has been going on a LONG time......those who have gone before us can help.....even if some of the details have changed along the way.....hope this helps?

Sunny, you can sell her house and use it for care at your house, or, get a reverse mortgage on it for care in her own house. I am not trying to be mean, but if it were you, alone and feeble, what would you want? Follow your heart. I know first hand how hard it is as my Moms with us also, but I wouldnt want to move out with strangers now at 59, never mind being old and ill. Good luck.

PapaTom's advice mirrors what I was going to say. My mother's monthly SS check is only $793 and she has no assets so the spend down process wasn't an issue. You do have to jump through all of the paperwork hoops but she will no doubt spend down most of her money as an initial private pay at an AL that will ultimately accept Medicaid once she is eligible. This is working well for my mother at this point. Hugs for strength and good luck!

well its nice she wants to stay with you but maybe she is thinking you will quit your job and be there with her. if that is not possible, maybe a suggestion of assisted living where she can be around others and have activities to do but yet you can visit whenever. if you work more than an hour away, that means a lot of time alone for her......how depressing. sit down and discuss what can and cannot be done, check into office of aging for what needs to be done to get into assisted living. get the house up for sale and use that money for the assisted living. good luck

My cousin ended up in the same situation - single mom, long work shifts, and then her own mother moved in with her for a few years. Her mother had no assets and a very low monthly SS income. My cousin had her evaluated by some type of case worker, who came to the conclusion that my aunt was a fall risk and suffered from severe depression due to being left alone for so many hours a day. Anyway, she was approved to have Medicaid pay for an assisted living facility. My aunt seems truly happier there, and I believe it was beneficial for all involved. My cousin was stretched too thin to perform in her career (she works in the operating room of a hospital), be a mom to a young child, and take care of her own mother. Know your limits!

Look for Assisted Living facilities near you. Self-pay and/or Medicaid beds. You need to find out where she stands financially. Does she own the house in her own name? Does she have money in accounts? If she has money, she'll have to self-pay for AL until the money runs out. If the house isn't sold, it's handled differently. Talk to a lawyer who knows about elderly care (but be careful of the shysters out there) in her state to see how Medicaid eligibility is calculated.

The reason I'm telling you about Assisted Living is that it sounds as though you aren't in great shape to handle mom 24/7. What will you do when she gets sick? When she gets worse? Care giving is a full time job in itself, and you shouldn't feel guilty about not being able to do it.

Before you make any financial decisions on her behalf, research the laws. And right not, get paperwork so you have a DPOA and Health Care Proxy. Good luck!

Been there, done that... it's hell, but it gets better if you make good choices.

Call your local human services and ask about their "options for long term care programs" There are several programs designed to keep the elderly in their home for as l ok ng as possible if the functionally and financially qualify. One in CO is called CDASS they basically alot you a certain amount each month and you hire who you want and pay them a wage you decide on. Its a fantastic program!

Just to add to the above, while searching for a nursing home for my Mom (and not being fully convinced that she wouldn't be able to survive in assisted living) I came across two assisted living centers in my area (Long Island, NY) that accept Medicaid. I don't know if this is part of a new trend, or what, but anyway, if you are ready, willing, and able to begin the "spend-down" process that is talked about so much here, you may be able to get her into an assisted living facility on self-pay and then keep her then when she qualifies for Medicaid. OR, she might be ready for a nursing home by that time.

Bottom line? As I and so many others have discovered here, the situation is NEVER hopeless. There are endless possibilities if you are willing to do some research.

At 82, mom is still young and although diabetic, she could likely be around another decade plus! It's a new year and you need to just make it your resolution to get mom moved, house sold and make your management of mom what you can deal with.

The fact that mom wants to live with you is a huge huge plus. Honey take advantage of this as over & over on this site are kids dealing with parents who won't flat move out of their home or accept caregivers.

Where to start....my suggestion is to go with mom to her next endochrine doctor visit to see if mom is at the point where her doc will write orders for caregiving or skilled nursing needed. if she's not at that point, well it's good to know. if she's a brittle diabetic, she might qualify for community based program to deal with diabetics. American diabetic Association works with communities usually through your regional Area on Aging to get outreach programs done. This site has a drop down list of AOA by state.

HOUSE: have you tried to sell it? And no interest?
Or you want to sell it and are kinda overwhelmed at where to start?
Is there a mortgage, heloc or other debt service on the house?

What is moms financial situation? If she can afford caregivers - she gets SS, right? Probably has savings, right? - she can pay for sitters or caregivers to be with her while she is in her transition phase of saying in your home till house sold and she moves into AL or NH. Her diabetes management is kinda going to direct what type of place mom moves into as some AL just won't do insulin injection diabetes care. (Btw my dad was a diabetic, it can be quite the adventure)

If you & hubs or your other siblings are going to need to pay for anything to get the house on the market, please, please, please get an memo of understanding or promissory note between mom & you all as to how house related costs are to be reimbursed before house goes onto market. Mom may never need Medicaid but if she does you want to clearly be able to show there was no gifting of moms $ from the sale of her home. I'd suggest yiu take moms current legal and see an elder law atty to review, update as needed and get that memo of understanding done soon.

It's all a lot to deal with. You are going to be overwhelmed. Break stuff down into smaller projects and be organized. Good luck!

my parents live with us in PA. Called your county assistance office to see if she qualifies for the waiver program, which can provide caregiving as well as other services. It's not an end to end solution as they help and support but fully expect that the family is working to provide care. adult day care is another option that may help (the waiver program covers this too). It's income based and I'm sure her owning a home is going to impact whatever options you have available to you.