Neighbor’s chauffeur? How do I kindly tell her I am not running a taxi service? - AgingCare.com

Neighbor’s chauffeur? How do I kindly tell her I am not running a taxi service?

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My neighbor is a very nice lady. She is going through the same thing I am with her husband as I am with mine. Mobility issues, health issues, etc.


She has come to my door several times in the 2 or 3 years they’ve been here to ask for a ride to the local grocery. It doesn’t seem she can take the hint that it’s an inconvenient time or I just plain don’t feel like going out. Once when I told her I had to fix lunch for my husband, she actually sat on our front steps and waited. Now, she is living with her daughter and daughters man friend. There are three cars in their drive. I don’t understand why she doesn’t ask one of them to borrow their car or drive her. It’s never an emergency. Yesterday it was unshelled pistachios for her husband, who is intubated and can’t eat. (???). A few days before, there was no reason given, but she had a quart of Vodka in her bag. Yesterday, she reeked of alcohol. Hubby and I wondered if she wanted alcohol but didn’t want to get pulled over.


How do I kindly tell her I am not running a taxi service? She claims her car is not running. What about the other two cars? I now try to remember to leave my garage door down and the lights off, and not answer the door, but that’s silly—hiding in my own house!

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That’s not a bad idea, Countrymouse! I sure don’t need more to worry about, but I’m not going to step back if I think someone needs help. My son went over last summer with his weed whip and did their front flower bed when they got a violation, but their yard is such that it would bring down our property values should we decide to sell our house. No one knows what goes on inside someone else’s home, but I won’t close my eyes if I see anything “odd”. Thanks!
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Not your monkeys, not your circus indeed - but are you picking up signals that her really quite odd visits and requests disguise a cry for help?

I know the last thing you need is somebody else to worry about (Heaven forbid) but maybe a quick call to APS to ask if a kind, sensible social worker can drop in and give her a friendly look over?
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Be direct so she doesn't sit on your steps. "NO, i am not able to do that today" end of conversation.
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All good answers! Thank you all so much! It hasn’t happened again, but I  know it will. What scares me the most is that I won’t be able to hold back my dog. If she goes through the door, she could do some real harm to this lady due to her size. And, we would be liable. “I’m sorry, but I’m helping my husband right now.”and hope she doesn’t sit on our steps and wait. If she persists, I’ll just have to tell her “I can’t today, I’m really busy. “ and shut the door. She isn’t a stalker, but I think she feels a kinship with me. And I also think she has an alcohol addiction. Poor lady. But as you’ve said not my monkeys, not my circus.
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Sounds like your neighbor is a bit lonely,maybe an excuse to get away..Give her a taxi company's phone number, a bus routes pamplet,train schedule,charitable senior services rides ,a med car service. And tell her you just got a different job that requires so much extra work from home ,you have no time for rides ...and don't worry about hurting her feelings ,if all she wants is alchol believe me she'll find a ride to get what she wants !! Haha.....
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cwillie I was going to say the same thing. There was a thread with a couple hundred responses started by a woman whose elderly female neighbor who lived with her son started stalking her to talk to her (and maybe take her places, I can't remember if that was a part of it or not). It went on and on and on. She was hounded and took to hiding in her own home. Here's that thread with 177 answers: https://www.agingcare.com/questions/neighbor-giving-me-grief-168903.htm

As Barney Fife would say, "Nip it, nip it in the bud!" It's very sad that the woman doesn't have someone she can ask, but that's her problem, not yours. She could probably get a delivery service like SnoopyLove recommends or ask her children to take her. But again, that's for her to figure out. Just be careful - if she has dementia and gets fixated on you, she could make your life h*ll.
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Your question reminds me of some others on the forum where neighbours turned into creepy stalkers and made life almost unbearable. From your description there is some kind of dysfunction going on next door, bless you for being kind but it may be safer to keep her at arms length.
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Yes, I think you’re right. She has offered to pay me and is always very grateful. I wouldn’t take money because then she’d feel since she paid her way, she’d have the right to ask me any time. Her children are...well, weird to say the least. I guess I’ll just have to be polite but firm.
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Wow, how annoying. Feeling like you have to hide in the house too... not good! To the above response, could you maybe also hand her something, like a brochure or whatever, from the local grocery store/Target/Walmart etc. regarding grocery delivery? But I have a feeling she is lonely and wanting company, which you are not obligated to provide.
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That’s a great idea. It was awful yesterday. I had returned from the same grocery not an hour earlier after spending an hour shopping. Also, we have a large, Protective dog who goes ape when someone comes to the door. I have a terrible time holding her back.

I will definitely give that a try. Thanks!
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