You need to contact your local council on aging and get resources. If you are her POA you should contact now her doctor to say you yourself are no longer able to fulfill this obligation. That you can remain a friend, but not a POA. At that point you may need APS to open a case to proceed with getting this elder into care, conservatorship or guardianship of the state. They will decide on placement or none with the elder herself. They will appoint a licensed Fiduciary to manage her funds and her life and you can remain her good friend who visits her. This isn't appropriate. There is way too much to do as POA in your circumstance. I managed only the financial side of things for my brother and at 78 when I started and did it for almost two years, it was a LOT, only THAT. A lot to learn, a lot of record keeping and a lot of time on the phone arranging things. I encourage you to honor your limitations now and get this lady in the care of the State who can manage a placement for her. Clearly she is not eating OR has an underlying condition (and why explore all THAT at this point). She needs more care than you can supply for and to her. I sure wish you the best. Start with reaching out to the doctor and ask best how to contact social services to arrange resigning your POA and having others appointed to her care.
I would see the lawyer who wrote up the POA and Trust. Tell him you can no longer help this women and what can be done to get her the help she needs. Maybe he can become her guardian or tell you how to turn her care over to the State.
You could start with Adult Protection Services and see what they suggest. Maybe they will come and evaluate the situation. Make sure you give them the nieces phone #. Make it clear to them that you need to resign because at 87 you just can't do it anymore.
"She has no relatives other than a step-daughter in CA and a niece in TX. I am her POA since I live nearby and can manage her finances and medical problems. I am 87 and this is taking a toll on my health, but I need to do this for her."
If you are her medical and financial PoA I would read those documents to find out when the PoA authority becomes active. Some require a diagnosis of cognitive impairment (sometimes from 2 doctors), some are "durable" and don't require any proof other than the assignee is not acting in their own best interests.
If the PoA doesn't require a medical diagnosis, you can arrange for her to enter an AL and then if she is resistant to accepting this and even going there, the facility admin can help give you ideas of how to do it. Then, if she has a house -- are you going to be the one downsizing all her stuff and putting her house up for sale? And continuing to provide management for her affairs in the coming years? At 87, this is not a sustainable arrangement.
I think your options are:
1) contact the other relatives and see if they'd be willing to take on the PoA (and this will mean your friend agrees to sign new documents). Most likely this person would need to move your friend close to them so that helping her is not onerous.
2) you resign PoA and allow the county/state to pursue guardianship AFTER you are able to get her into a nice facility on private pay...one that has a continuum of care levels (like MC and LTC) AND accepts Medicaid. They cannot kick her out if she runs out of money, and she will receive the same care as everyone else there on private pay. The guardian will make sure all her needs are met, you get to still visit with your friend and your friend is cared for into the future.
3) if you cannot get your friend to go into AL, you can resign PoA and then call APS to report her as a vulnerable adult. This will get her on their radar. Then when she eventually has a health or well-being crisis call 911 and make sure the hospital knows that she is an "unsafe discharge" so that she doesn't go back into her house. Do not go get her if she calls you or the hospital calls to pressure you. From there social services can begin to take over and she will go directly into a facility.
4) Find another person local who is trustworthy and much younger (by 20 or 30 years) and see if your friend is willing to assign PoA to them. Your friend can only assign a new PoA if she is mentally competent to understand what the document means.
Whatever you do, please do not degrade your own health while trying to help her. This is like you swimming out to save a drowning person and they cling to you in panic and you both drown. There won't be any really great solutions for your friend, so you will need to pick one. I'm sure you've done yeoman's work to this point, now it is time to hand over the baton for the next leg of the race. If something medical happens to disable you from your PoA duties, option #3 is what will happen no matter what. I wish you peace in your heart that you have done your best for your friend.
This isn't appropriate. There is way too much to do as POA in your circumstance. I managed only the financial side of things for my brother and at 78 when I started and did it for almost two years, it was a LOT, only THAT. A lot to learn, a lot of record keeping and a lot of time on the phone arranging things.
I encourage you to honor your limitations now and get this lady in the care of the State who can manage a placement for her. Clearly she is not eating OR has an underlying condition (and why explore all THAT at this point). She needs more care than you can supply for and to her.
I sure wish you the best. Start with reaching out to the doctor and ask best how to contact social services to arrange resigning your POA and having others appointed to her care.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/as-poa-and-trustee-do-i-have-the-ability-to-put-my-friend-in-an-assisted-living-facility-465700.htm
I would see the lawyer who wrote up the POA and Trust. Tell him you can no longer help this women and what can be done to get her the help she needs. Maybe he can become her guardian or tell you how to turn her care over to the State.
You could start with Adult Protection Services and see what they suggest. Maybe they will come and evaluate the situation. Make sure you give them the nieces phone #. Make it clear to them that you need to resign because at 87 you just can't do it anymore.
"She has no relatives other than a step-daughter in CA and a niece in TX. I am her POA since I live nearby and can manage her finances and medical problems. I am 87 and this is taking a toll on my health, but I need to do this for her."
If you are her medical and financial PoA I would read those documents to find out when the PoA authority becomes active. Some require a diagnosis of cognitive impairment (sometimes from 2 doctors), some are "durable" and don't require any proof other than the assignee is not acting in their own best interests.
If the PoA doesn't require a medical diagnosis, you can arrange for her to enter an AL and then if she is resistant to accepting this and even going there, the facility admin can help give you ideas of how to do it. Then, if she has a house -- are you going to be the one downsizing all her stuff and putting her house up for sale? And continuing to provide management for her affairs in the coming years? At 87, this is not a sustainable arrangement.
I think your options are:
1) contact the other relatives and see if they'd be willing to take on the PoA (and this will mean your friend agrees to sign new documents). Most likely this person would need to move your friend close to them so that helping her is not onerous.
2) you resign PoA and allow the county/state to pursue guardianship AFTER you are able to get her into a nice facility on private pay...one that has a continuum of care levels (like MC and LTC) AND accepts Medicaid. They cannot kick her out if she runs out of money, and she will receive the same care as everyone else there on private pay. The guardian will make sure all her needs are met, you get to still visit with your friend and your friend is cared for into the future.
3) if you cannot get your friend to go into AL, you can resign PoA and then call APS to report her as a vulnerable adult. This will get her on their radar. Then when she eventually has a health or well-being crisis call 911 and make sure the hospital knows that she is an "unsafe discharge" so that she doesn't go back into her house. Do not go get her if she calls you or the hospital calls to pressure you. From there social services can begin to take over and she will go directly into a facility.
4) Find another person local who is trustworthy and much younger (by 20 or 30 years) and see if your friend is willing to assign PoA to them. Your friend can only assign a new PoA if she is mentally competent to understand what the document means.
Whatever you do, please do not degrade your own health while trying to help her. This is like you swimming out to save a drowning person and they cling to you in panic and you both drown. There won't be any really great solutions for your friend, so you will need to pick one. I'm sure you've done yeoman's work to this point, now it is time to hand over the baton for the next leg of the race. If something medical happens to disable you from your PoA duties, option #3 is what will happen no matter what. I wish you peace in your heart that you have done your best for your friend.