My mother is in a nursing home in another state. I am on the phone with her doctors, nurses etc constantly making sure she is getting good care. I have a brother that lives in the same town that does absolutely nothing to help her and asks her for money when he does visit. I call or visit her as often as possible and take are of all her legal needs, spending my own money.. My mother is finally seeing the effort I put into this and is finally thankful. I have an older sister that never calls and an older brother that does nothing but his wife has been very helpful, so in reality the entire care falls on my shoulders.. I'm at peace with this and will enjoy my mother until the end. I just gave her a huge 90th birthday party and she was so grateful..
Now the problem is my neighbor. She is an elderly woman going on 84. When she first moved in I helped her with everything she needed, fix her hair, take her to the doctors, listen to her endless stories that went on and on. She has a grown son living with her that works all day.. He is almost 60, never has been married and just goes to work and Church. I'm positive he does nothing when he gets home. My neighbor asks my husband and me to do things for her because 'her son is too busy studying his Bible'. My husband and I both work full time. I work from my home. I am also a crisis minister and have a passion for helping others. My neighbor drives me bat ass crazy....Calling my home constantly or when I go outside wanting to talk constantly, I can't take my trash out or work in the front yard without her coming out and demanding I speak with her. She is not that interesting and bores me to tears. If she see's my light on in my office she will call early in the morning and demand I give her attention. I work on my computer and she will say 'get off that computer'. She has to know what I do all day and where I go and is upset that I did not check in with her while I was out of town. My spirit hurts because I am a compassionate giving person but this woman is driving me insane to the point I want to move. I have told her I can't talk with her everyday, how can I make this madness stop without being ugly. It has given me much grief.
Who wouldn't find it hard to tell her to p*ss off and stop being a pest? But police and lawyers descending on her out of the blue? I think that's disproportionate. Be forceful with the son: he has got to find his mother more constructive outlets for her energies and social needs.
I'm sure you have enough crap to deal with!! When she calls pick up and immediately tell her you are busy and have a lot going on. If she asks for something, tell her "you'll have to ask (son) to do it, I have to time"..
Just get it over with...
I realized that in some way the man felt he was different. He wasn't bothering a younger woman, because he doesn't see himself as old enough to be her father -- and not a very healthy one. Maybe the woman is the same way. She feels that she is gracing people with her over-presence.
I don't feel bad about not taking the man's calls anymore. There is some type of distortion going on that shouldn't be my burden. It is hard to be put into the "bad guy" role, but some people have to be contained or they will take over your life to serve their needs. It would be so uncomfortable to live next door. I think I would change my phone number and tell the woman flat out that all of her attention was not welcomed.
Watching out the window for things going on is not unusual for older people. My mother has a friend across the street and can tell you of her comings and goings. I find that a bit creepy, but it hasn't created any problems because she only talks to me about it. I would never let the neighbor know. My mother probably fixes on her because you can see her house and she is my mother's only friend. Boredom from inactivity can give rise to some strange behaviors, especially mixed with dementia.
I have no idea how it became such a huge problem other than when I quit taking her calls and worked through her many visits at my home. I can not stop and drink coffee for hours on end, I don't even drink coffee and I'm positive she is looking for someone to sit and drink coffee. When I visit my mother age 90 she does not want to do anything but sit and talk.. My mother has melted into her wheelchair like butter. My mother is can walk with a walker and go to the bathroom on her owl but wants to melt into her wheelchair. Oh it must be hard getting old. I'm 57 so I'm on my way. I have made a pack with myself to not bother innocent people as I get older and will ask my kids if they see me doing this to stop PDQ.
For me to continue on this life journey, I have to surround myself with uplifting people. I also realize I have to be around people that make me laugh and that I can make laugh. Laughter is highly important for me and I have decided it was something that calms my nerves. At 90 years old, my mother says some very off color things that will make me have a huge belly laugh. Another reason my neighbor sucked the lift out of me was because everything was so 'serious' and her idea of a good cuss word was 'crap'. At my mom's 90th birthday party she said 'I use to be a crazy b*tch but I'm great now' I laughed until I cried.
I talked with my mother over the phone yesterday and she always says 'the people here are so nice, I just love living here' and then she goes on talking about where they went and what they did. I just pray my neighbor can find such a place.
My deep inner peace has returned. I feel so much better without the constant calling and being interrupted by my neighbor. It was awful. It has almost been one month since my first post and I have enjoyed my peace and quiet again..And I want to continue to keep it that way too.
Also today my neighbor down the street that is bothersome came over. My daughter was visiting me so she let him in. All he talked about was his back and all the surgeries. I do feel sorry for him too but I can't have him around either because he has acted inappropriate. I am staying so busy that I don't have time for people to drain me but they still try to find a way. My neighbor still watches every move I make. I put curtains up in my office so I bet she is confused about when my light comes on.. I know it was hard for her to go 3 weeks not calling me but she needs to go the rest of her life not calling me. Boring and non stop rambling and having to know my every move is something I do not want to go through again with her.. No not this again.