So, my mom, who has Alzheimer’s, is now living with us. She’s mid-stage, so pretty aware more than half the time, but unreasonable, angry & depressed 100% of the time.
So...A few things...(answer what you can, but today #1 is priority.
1.she’s a hoarder or just severely messy. I’m not sure exactly what I’d call it. Her room is an absolute mess. Her home (shared with a sibling) was the same way and that’s one of the reasons I brought her here. I have more time to care for her. Safe and sanitary has been the issue and it was ok at my house until I got super busy with work over the holidays.
I try to be respectful and ask her when I could go into the room to clean floors. I say floors to hopefully keep her calm, but the entire room is covered with food wrappers, papers, a pile of used pull up diapers, things she’s ordered online, old boxes and more. I’ve also offered to help her organize so she can more easily find things. The answer is an adamant NO..to the point where she’ll bully talk over me, threaten to leave, start to cry and so on.
Today I thought I’d go in while she was in another room and quietly start to clean without her knowing. Of course she caught me and it turned to her sobbing and saying how horrible I Am. Shes very depressed this evening, but mellow at least.
How do I manage this? She’s too aware to consider a nursing home and I don’t even know if she can afford one anyway. The room has to be safe and sanitary. No bribing, explaining, anything will work.
She says when I hang her clothes or put them in the drawer that’s she can’t find anything. I’ve offered to put labels up (which I should just do and see if she takes to it) but she says no. She has ordered snacks (junk mostly) and other items and stores them in her room...on the floor or anywhere int he room, but not in an orderly or neat way. She won’t let me touch and organize.
2. Bathing...this happens maybe once a month. I’ve tried bribing, pretty soaps. Nothing works.
3. Social media and her phone (Lord, help me): She managed to get herself kicked off of facebook (thank goodness), but keeps asking me to help her get back on. She takes my FB photos of my kids etc or anyone’s FB photos and shares them (via private message)with strangers or friends of mine or even someone (that she doesn’t even know) who works at our church. She’s posted pictures of strangers on her FB page, joined our community page and says rude things on all the public pages. She’s also friended some of my friends. She was posting photos of male models (GQ type, not chippendales:) a while back, so I explained that that was embarrassing. So instead of stopping, she just Unfriended my in laws and continues to share . Funny. Not funny.
PHONE: she says her phone numbers are messed up because she dropped the phone. She has been calling all sorts of random numbers because she says they’re calling her. She also texts ALL night long...sharing amazon shopping items etc. I’m willing to deal with that, but I think she’s texting it to everyone on her phone list. Strangers and all. In the middle of the night or any time of day. Don’t see how she’ll give up the phone at night. I’ve deleted a few numbers, but she is aware enough sometimes to find them again. How do I take the phone?
She was also lured into a scam, though I don’t know if she gave any money. This man (or men or whatever) kept writing to her on FB and they even spoke on the phone. This was just before she was diagnosed, but we knew something was off.
Anyway..how do you handle social media in this situation.? She craves the interaction, but is not social in real life.
4. Doctor: is a geriatric doctor that beneficial for someone in her situation or is an internal med doctor ok? We’re having a hard time finding one who’s accepting new patients.
I actually cut out more questions and will save them for another day. Just tired. Thank you!