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I am my fathers caretaker.


He is constantly wanting to go to the bank and withdraw money to give to my daughter. I keep telling him. No.


Am I wrong?? He just wants to give it away.


He has lived with me for the past 5 years.


He’s had a stroke. He is not capable of making smart decisions with his money.


His money is used for his personal items, medications, clothes, etc.


We do not have him pay anything to stay with us.


He says I am trying to control him.


He also says that I need to remember who the parent is.


But he just doesn't understand....

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From reading online, it is my understanding that
1)Medicaid is paid to people with a low income from the government. They are both medically needy and financially in need.
2) Your father is likely receiving an income via social security and/or SSI. SSI is also income for the needy.
3) There is no limit to the amount of gifting a person can give. HOWEVER,
4) HE MAY LOSE BENEFITS HE DOES NOT USE FOR HIS OWN NEEDS.
"Any transfer that you make, however innocent, will come under scrutiny. For example, Medicaid does not have an exception for gifts to charities. If you give money to a charity, it could affect your Medicaid eligibility down the road. Similarly, gifts for holidays, weddings, birthdays, and graduations can all cause a transfer penalty. If you buy something for a friend or relative, this could also result in a transfer penalty.

Spending a lot of cash all at once or over time could prompt the state to request documentation showing how the money was spent. If you don't have documentation showing that you received fair market value in return for a transferred asset, you could be subject to a transfer penalty."
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Reply to Sendhelp
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So L. About he " he took care of ne" thing...

Parents CHOOSE to have children. Parents are legally obligated to take care of thei children. it doesn't work the other way.

You should give your dad the dignity of paying his way in the household. He clearly wants to contribute. Get him to an eldercare attorney and make this official.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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L, I don’t think any of us here meant to give you the impression we think your daughter is trying to freeload off of grandpa, that you should be charging him room and board or that your daughter is in anyway at fault. Of course you take care of your daughter and her needs.But as Midkid writes, we want our grandchildren to have the Moon and like George Bailey, we’d lasso it for them if we could.

What about having Grandpa set up a Trust for his granddaughter? Money she can’t touch until she’s in her 20’s. She may need a car at some time and what a gift this would be from her much-loved grandpa to use the money for a car. This would be if Grandpa is financially solvent enough to do so, of course. If Grandpa should ever need to file for Medicaid, remember the five year look back and that just handing your daughter checks could be considered gifting and cause him to be denied. Use an attorney if you’d consider a trust for her.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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Lmrossignol13 Apr 5, 2019
i understand completely
and he IS on Medicaid now.
I like the idea of a Trust fund but
i was thinking about a college
fund. She will be graduating high school next year and she’ll Need the money then.
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Is she asking him for money?

while I don’t think you are wrong and that you should advise him to spend his money properly, it all comes down to the fact that it IS HIS MONEY.

i don’t know what you are saying to him when he wants to go withdraw the money but if you are telling him no, and not to give your daughter any money, why don’t you take a different approach? I’m not sure that would work if he’s got dementia. Instead of telling him no, try to dedirect him or suggest he help her in another way.

and if she’s asking for money, you could always sit her down and have a conversation about it and discourage her from asking for money.
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Reply to worriedinCali
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Lmrossignol13 Apr 5, 2019
She definitely NOT asking for money.
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Perhaps dad just wants ti feel like he's contributing! If he is living with you for free, he likely may want to "help out". I know as a parent that I feel like I need to help my married kids all the time--and the joke's on me--they're all far better off financially that we are or ever will be.

We still like to pick up the dinner check or something.

Does your daughter need the money and he sees that?

Like Barb, I think we need more info before we make any kind of real comments.
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Reply to Midkid58
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Lmrossignol13 Apr 5, 2019
She definitely does not need the money! She has us..her parents, if she every needs anything.
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Is your daughter asking for money?

Do you have Power of Attorney for finances for him?

Has he been diagnosed with Vascular Dementia (pretty common after a stroke).

Why isn't he paying room and board and possibly for caregiving? Don't you think he deserves the dignity of paying his own way? Maybe that's where this impulse is coming from?

I'm sorry to ask so many questions, but more information will get you much better answers!

((((((((hugs))))))))

We care!
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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Lmrossignol13 Apr 5, 2019
No, she is not asking for money.
She just made the National Honor Society at school so he wants to reward her for that. He wants to give her $500 !!!!! I told him that was WAY too much!
As far as POA...no, we don’t have that yet. The only thing we have is MEDICAL POA.
And as far as why isn’t he paying for room and board? I don’t know?
I’m not going to have him pay to live here. He took care of me. Now it’s my turn to care for him. :)
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