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I don't want her knowing I'm speaking to him about this and don't know how to approach him while we are all there. She denies she's having any kind of memory problems. She has good memory in some areas, but she'll deny remembering certain details or conversations. Basically, I just want him to be aware and possibly offer some resources that we can avail her of. Her social worker who visited her once a week when she lived in Florida said she could probably have the same services here as she had there.

Many doctors have Portals where you can write notes or send secure messages to the office.
If you have her information you could set that up if she has not done so (I am guessing she would not have)
The other option would be to write a note and give it to the nurse and those notes would be entered for the doctor to review.
I would sent the note before the appointment so they have a chance to review it prior to the visit.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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I agree with some others. I wrote to mom's doctors with a list of my observed behaviors and concerns. I sent the notes in advance of appointments. All found the information useful and I believe she received better care because of the information I sent.
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GIAGIA Jun 13, 2019
Thank you for your response, I feel lucky for all of the support here. The doctor has been very responsive and feel he understand the situation even better now that we've talked.
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I did the same thing that some others did: I sent my mom's doc a note a week or so before my mom's appointment, detailing some of my concerns, and the doc was able to steer the conversation a certain way.  In my case, it involved trying to convince my mom not to drive, so the doc was able to say how lucky my mom was to live with us and have a daughter who was willing to take her anywhere. Between the doc's kind words, and a car that stopped working, things worked in our favor. My mom, too, denied having any memory issues. I think it's a good idea to give the doc a heads-up regarding your concerns. Best of luck.
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GIAGIA Jun 13, 2019
Thank you for your reply!
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You could write him a note. Give it to the receptionist and ask that he read it before he talks to Aunt.

To receive any Medicare services you need a doctors order. U need a service that can bill Medicare too. If services in Fla were Medicare based u should have no problem. If they were Medicaid based, that will make a difference. Medicaid is a state thing and she will need to reapply.
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Judysai422 Jun 13, 2019
I totally agree, write a note and give to doctor prior to appointment. I did this with my mom's new neurologist and it worked like a charm! Portal works, too, but sometimes there is a limit on the length.
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Mom had an appt & I called ahead, asking if I could speak to him privately before he saw Mom. We spoke in his office. Many will let you make an appt to do same or use the patient portal if your mom has one.
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GIAGIA Jun 13, 2019
Yes, exactly --- that's what ended up happening and it went well!
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I kept a list of things as I noticed them and just handed it to the Dr. when I visited with my husband. That way I could tell her what I was noticing without confronting him or seeming as though I was telling on him.
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Reply to Rutucker
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GIAGIA Jun 13, 2019
That's a good idea. It helps them to know more of what they are dealing with but also help you because it added support. Thank you for your response.
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Same answer here, the privacy thing only applies one way, you can call and write and tell the doc whatever you’d like beforehand. Good luck. You’ll slowly be in her business more and more, they don’t love it but just try to finesse it as you go.
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GIAGIA Jun 13, 2019
True. Thanks for your response.
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I called the doctor, left a message, he called me back. I told him everything that I was aware of, it helped tremendously, the doctor thanked me. My step mother is now in Memory Care, where she needs to be,
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GIAGIA Jun 13, 2019
That's a good outcome. I'm sure you are relieved to have his support.
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My mom's cognition is going steadily downhill but she doesn't like me to speak on her behalf to medical people. So I write short notes and slip them to the nurse, doctor, or person at the check-in desk when we arrive at an appointment. You can write something like, “My aunt’s memory has declined sharply in recent months but she is unhappy when I bring it up. Can you start that conversation with her?” I just did this last week when my mom started PT on her shoulder. I gave the therapist a note letting her know that my mom would need ongoing reminders throughout her session to stay on task and help with counting repetitions of the exercises.
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GIAGIA Jun 13, 2019
That's a really good idea! I'm glad it worked out for you. The doctor mentioned a medical group portal I could also use to email him and his staff messages, so I think I'll do that from now on. It's one less thing to provoke her anxiety over...and helps keep matters a little calmer.
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Living with memory loss is depressive. Its awful ,I started a notepad so i would not forget things and guess what I cant find it. Ive tried Post its, medium size pads it doesn't matter it is still going to drive me crazy. I suggest that you write these ideas down and give her the tools to work with if she doesn't do better let's talk Helen Keller chalk board cause that is what I'm doing next. I hate telling people that i cant remember things also , mind you i am 53 .
I watch a movie and the next day i could not tell you what it was.
i have been fixing my grandmothers jewelry to hand down and i was talking to my cousin and I could not remember the word pendant. Its awful and scary, is it going to get so bad i cant remember where the bathroom is? Then its time for a home why on earth would we say our memory is going?
Sorry I thought you should hear it from the other side, it might help
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AlvaDeer Jun 13, 2019
What I was trying to tell her, Bruceandtoby2. Normal to be depressed, anxious about all this. Changes at the end of life are not, as they say, for Sissies. I am 76. The amount of loss is apparent to me, and is, of course, accelerating. You are like my brother, able to discuss and describe changes you are going through and your feelings about them; you are invaluable as a teacher on a site like this. Wishing you good luck moving forward.
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