I am dealing with the guilt of needing to separate myself from the day to day emotional stress of overseeing 100% of everything for my mother who has had dementia for 9 years and has been in 5 facilities for the past 8 years. I am the power of attorney, the trustee on her trust, the executor of her will and the only child living close to her, about 10 minutes away. I also have a brother and sister but they are worthless. While I am not a perfectionist, I do see nuances of care that would not make any supervisor proud. The old adage of innocence is bliss is true, but when I visit mom and see the little things that they let slip through the cracks, when i am not there to advocate for mom in any way shape or form, then mistakes happen, neglect happens and injuries grow and fester. I literally could write a book, or open a consulting firm for all of the rules and regulations, and personalities I have learned. My deal here is that I am the only one putting any effort into managing my mother's affairs. She is in a private pay memory care unit of an assisted living facility which has a decent reputation. Not the best, but affordable and certainly not the worst. I have been with them for close to 4 years now and know all the staff intimately. Our conversation extend beyond mom's care, to salaries, care for other residents, shift changes, other resident's problems etc. They consider me part of the family they feel comfortable enough to talk with. For the past 8 years, I have moved my mother 5 times and across state lines. I have had to negotiate secondary insurance for her pay her bills, do her taxes, order and deliver incontinence supplies, lotions, gloves, changing pads etc. I negotiate her secondary insurance each year as well as any new drug plan. On top of all this she had developed a larger foot ulcer/ sking disease from constantly rubbing he foot on the bed, no matter how we position her. That large open gaping wound is now 10 cm x 6 cm and growing, It an best be described as a pressure ulcer. It gets re-bandaged every other day and we see the wound specialist every month. The wound will probably never heal as it is on the foot where blood flow is less. All this stress had made me depressed, get a full head of grew hair, became over weight, and lazy. I want my life back where I can enjoy it where I don't have to feel guilty for now seeing mom every other day. Or am on a waiting mission till she dies?