We need to hire a caregiver but are unsure of how to work out hours. Any advice?

Follow
Share

My Mom lives with my husband and me.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
9

Answers

Show:
Babalou ~ While I appreciate your view of AL, that choice just isn't for us. I know my mom would not do well in that situation. And, you are absolutely right, txcamper... caregivers at home NEED personal time. I have found an agency that seems to be a perfect fit for our needs. Although it will be an adjustment on our part, someone will be starting this weekend. Now, I just have to get a schedule that suits us. Thank you, ladies, for your comments!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

While Babalou makes a valid point about Assisted Living, not everyone is comfortable with that solution. Also, in our case, we feel that MIL falls somewhere between AL and full on nursing home. We know people in AL, so we do have an understanding of what that entails, although I do realize that there are various levels of assistance. However, right now that isn't an option we are considering.

However, those who choose to caregive at home do need some personal time, too. No matter what you choose to do with that time, it is helpful, I might even say imperative, for there to be some time when you are not on duty, so to speak. If you have family members who are over for a visit, they can take over for you, or even friends could. But it is not unheard of to hire a companion, either through an agency or elsewhere, who can relieve you for a while.

If your mother is able, she could sit outside with you while you garden. If she is able, she could hand you pins while you sew. She could fold washcloths and mate socks, peel potatoes, snap beans, or a myriad of other small chores. However, sometimes we just want time alone to do what needs to be done. Nothing wrong in feeling that way, and if it's what keeps you going, then it is what needs to be done. Do what feels right for you and for your situation, and yes, we have had companions from an agency come even while I am home. Since Mom is technically the client, the aides will do things that benefit her. So if she's resting and doesn't need immediate attention, they will clean her bathroom, do her laundry, if she's not in her room they can vacuum her floor and change her bed linens. Even those small acts are a big help to me.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Here's the thing. You mom sounds lonely. That's the nice thing about Assisted Living is that there is always someone around to talk to, YOU the caregiver are not the Entertainment Committee as well. My grandmother lived with us when I was a young teenager and she used to complain all the time that she was lonely; it was one of the main reasons that when my mom needed more attention and supervision, our choice was to move her to a facility rather than bring in aides or move her to one of our (small) homes. Just a thought.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Thank you, txcamper. I tend to feel that if I'm home, I am able to take care of my mom; but, when that happens, I can't do anything without getting interrupted. Even when I need some "me" time relaxing outside, my name gets called after just a few minutes. So I guess people have aides come in and help with a loved one even if the family member (main caregiver) remains at home while aide is there?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

If someone is scheduled to come, and you haven't made plans with your husband, you could go grocery shopping, housework, bake, laundry, gardening, exercise, sew. Any number of things could be done spur of the moment that you might have found out are more difficult with mom living there. I can totally relate to your dilemma. I also agree with the suggestion of having someone come while you are at home to get all of you used to having help. It can be strange at first.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

My husband works but I am unable to because of caring for my mom. Thank you for your advice, Babalou, I guess it's something I knew but was looking for other suggestions. I guess it is just going to be a matter of getting used to it.... usually we are very spontaneous and don't plan so this will be quite an adjustment for us. I also don't want to have someone scheduled to come here and then we don't want to be gone. I don't know... it's all just too weird for me.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Jan, do you and your husband work? I'm guessing no, because then you would know that you needed aides during those times.
It sounds like you feel like you and husband need some ME time. Alone and together? How about this? Find an agency that will commit to sending the same aide each week on a given day for a given amount of time. Arrange to have this person come for a few hours (paid of course) at a time when you can be there, show her where everything is and chat with her and your mom. Make a plan with your husband for "date day".. things you like to do together (movies perhaps) and some you like to do alone (library, grocery shopping).
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

My mom would not like daycare, she really isn't in that good of health. I guess what I'm saying is I don't know when I need relief. I'm used to going out of the house whenever... not planned necessarily. I was wondering how others planned their time out. The last two Sundays I had niece and mother-in-law here on spur of the moment so we could get out and my husband and I left the house and didn't know what to do with ourselves. So, I was wondering what others did to plan their time out. For instance, if a caregiver is scheduled on a Saturday from noon to 8 p.m., what do you do? Do you leave the house for the entire time? I don't know... I'm just uneasy with the whole thing. Is that more clear?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Not sure what exactly you are asking?? You will need to decide how much you can afford, usually not nearly what you wish you could.
Then you need to decide what exactly you need. Bath aides? While you are at work? Overnight relief? Someone to stay with her while you run errands/get respite??
Some people find that adult daycare works great, it gives the seniors social interaction and decreases boredom.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.