Follow
Share

I have power of attorney for my 86 year old aunt. She lives alone and has middle stage demenita. The doctors agree it's time for memory care. She never married and has no kids. She refuses to have care givers in her house and locked them out repeatedly. She isn't speaking to my husband or I because I took away the car after her 4th fall and 4 rehab stays. She doesn't regularly take her prescription meds, so anything for agitation won't help (per doctor). She's been mean. :(Any suggestions? I can say Rehab or therapy but as soon as we pull up to the home she will fight tooth and nail and not get out of the car.

Your Aunt is no longer capable of making informed choices. Here's where your POA comes into effect. You find the memory care. You ask the Dr for a seditive. You and one other person drive her to the Memory care. You sit her in the back seat with the other person and put on the child locks. Get her there and ask that a wherlchair be available and a staff member. From there you go to her room, say goodbye and leave her with the staff member. Take all her meds because the Nurse will need to order them. Maybe not visit for a few days to allow her to get used to staff and the routine. Do not leave a cell phone with her.

The MC can help you in setting this all up. And, it is no longer what Aunt wants, its what she needs.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report
cover9339 Jul 3, 2025
Aunt may raise holy heck there.
(1)
Report
See 2 more replies
I called the Agency of Aging for my Mom . After a social worker came and deemed my mother unsafe at home, they were willing to return ( with strong men ) and remove her from the home and bring her to the facility I had chosen . That was 2017 though .

Either that or hire medical transport .Maybe ask if the police will help like burnt said .
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to waytomisery
Report
BurntCaregiver Jul 3, 2025
@way

I still think the OP should involve whoever the aunt does let into her home help with getting her to the memory care. Maybe they should explore the possibility of live-in caregivers instead of memory care.

With doctors these days their only solution is placement or family gives up their life to become care slaves. These are not the only options.
(0)
Report
See 1 more reply
It’s rhetorical question, but why are doctors not more involved in the details of placement? They say she needs placement, so why doesn’t doctor order the transport and assist family with medication to get them to be compliant and settled into the placement family chooses? The family is still stuck with most of the implementation but if doctors ordered the transport and placement and then followed up with the patient in 2 weeks, 4 weeks 6 and 8 weeks so see how they are. The patient may go more willingly and have some confidence that a trusted doctor is their advocate. System is broken here. Primary care doctors are not reimbursed for this kind of care. Families cannot handle this care. It’s broken and it’s going to implode someday. I’m an MD and also a senior.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Beethoven13
Report
waytomisery Jul 2, 2025
Retired nurse here .
I remember the days when the doctor told an elder that they could not go home from the hospital. That doesn’t happen anymore either . They leave it up to the family to tell the elder they have to go live in a facility. That often doesn’t go well because the elder does not listen to family .
(0)
Report
You may be requiring the help of medical transit.
I would discuss the issue with her doctor and her, and then with her doctor if she is unable to be at all cooperative. You need to explain to her where she is going and why. If she cannot understand it then you will need medical transport to get her to Memory care.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Report

If you've taken away her car, she isn't speaking to you or your husband, and won't let anyone into her house, how is she getting food?

She's letting someone into her house and that person or people are the ones you should be asking to help you get her into memory care. She's a hostile transfer and you may have to ask the police to help get her into an ambulance to take her. They will help with the transfer if you need them to.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to BurntCaregiver
Report
Dawn88 Jul 2, 2025
Good call!
(0)
Report
Ask the doctor to prescribe calming meds and move her by medical transport. You have no choice. She needs specialized care, and that’s that.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Fawnby
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter