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I have a dilemma that I am not sure how to handle. I live in Washington State and my parents live in Illinois. They are both 90 years and live alone. They have done everything for us kids (5 of us) as we have grown up and have always been there for us through mostly financial troubles, and always been able to take care of their aging parents. They were there for them every weekend as they were needing extra care and even had them move in with them when they couldn't live alone anymore.


Now my parents are in need of the care that they gave their parents and my brothers and sisters that live within 20 minutes of my parents and they don't have the time to care for my parents. My older brother calls them daily and does help them out when he can, but he doesn't get any backup and can't do the help mom needs with the cooking and cleaning that she needs every day.


I need some help getting some help for my parents. Mom in so much pain from her back that she can't get around good, but is too proud to accept too much help, but she will. Dads is an old Farmer. He farmed for 30 years and loves to be outside, but his legs are so bad that he can't be on them for very long.


I will be coming out to Illinois this Summer for a stay, but not sure how long and would like to get them a helper before I get there....the sooner the better. They need some stimulation in their life. All they do every day is sit and watch the depressing news and put a puzzle together. Someone needs to look at their insurance and various other bills to see that they are not paying too much or have too little coverage. My family is not doing anything to care for them or watch over them and it just makes me furious. I am disabled and live with my husband in Washington State. I have multiple specialists that I see and it isn't possible for me to just take off and go to Illinois to handle this. Can you please help me by giving me some organizations that will gently help my parents? I mean gently by not go in and say "You NEED to do this and this and this." But just guide them and make it seem like they are in control. They are proud Germans/Swedish people and very much aware of what they want even though they are 90. They are not wanting to give up anything to anyone.

Private specialized care can be expensive. If you are looking for free or subsidized one on one care for parents for financial, social, medical and homemaker help at home? It will be difficult to find outside of Medicaid or limited VA programs. It will not be 24-7 care in state of IL. Your Parents and their extended family will be expected to fill in the gaps as public coffers are very limited to keep elders at home with a broad spectrum of care needs. AARP may have lists of local resources as well as Area Agency on Aging. Their church may have volunteer assistance. If your father served in the military, he may qualify for veterans programs. But free programs with individualized attention for aging elders at home? Very scarce and they still require family coordination, research and participation. If family members work for their own family’s needs, it’s difficult to maintain care at home for decades with extended lifespans.
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Reply to Guestshopadmin
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Do you know how much it is ti use these people? They sound like they would be kind of expensive to use....
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Reply to DorisMB
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What does your brother think they need? Would they accept an aide to come in for a few hours a day? Is there funds to pay for that, between your parents and your siblings? Ours charges $22 an hour and as long as there’s no nursing duties, it shouldn’t be much more than that.

Although a caregiver will not assess their insurance etc. maybe brother can do it, if you’re worried about that aspect? What does brother think about their finances, have you voiced your concern to him? Maybe he could bring them to an accountant/lawyer/financial advisor who could help?
Summer seems a long time to wait to assess 90 year olds, if you know what I mean...
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DorisMB Nov 25, 2018
The problem is that he just doesn't have the time to "mess" with all the detail stuff. He does what he can with the financial items and he does a pretty good job, but doesn't follow through when he finds something and then Mom is left to deal with it and she doesn't get around to it or doesn't understand and gets confused. There isn't a lot of money to deal with so no chance of that happening. Both of my parents are in good physical condition but I do know what you mean about being 90 and I have been trying to get back for two years. Summer is the soonest I can see it happening, but am trying for sooner. My own health is the issue as I said earlier. I need to find someone to drive back with me since I can't fly.
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Try your Office of Aging. Ask them if they have or know of care manangers.
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DorisMB Nov 24, 2018
thanks i'll check on Monday
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Nothing comes up for their county or the surrounding counties. I have never heard of one. Is this something new?
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gladimhere Nov 24, 2018
http://www.aginglifecare.org/ALCA/About_Aging_Life_Care/ALCA/About_Aging_Life_Care/What_you_need_to_know.aspx

I guess they are now called Aging Life Care Professionals.
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how do I find a geriatric care manager?
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gladimhere Nov 24, 2018
Google it for their area.
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See if you can find them a geriatric care manager to first get to know them then will help with introducing various helpers that they need. Do they have POA's and other documents setup?

Waiting until summer is a long time. I would certainly try to arrange a visit before then if for nothing else to find a geriatric care manager to get them started.
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DorisMB Nov 25, 2018
thanks for the link. That helps a lot.....
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