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I have read where people have found support groups .. I lead one for women and trauma. I know how important it is for healing... but caregiving for a mother who is so stubborn and demanding by nature, then throw in memory loss is something I have never experienced and I need help even knowing how to handle things.


She needs to try something ... do something but refuses to take her medicine for memory loss, and will get mad if you bring it up or try to explain. Refuses to go to the doctor about it as well. I’m at a loss

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Ginny, another suggestion:  Several years ago I participated in an Alzheimers Org. small group for discussions on Creating Confident Caregivers.

Info about the Michigan program can be found through these hits:

https://duckduckgo.com/?q=creating+confident+caregivers&t=hr&ia=web

Meetings were about 2 hours weekly for (if I remember correctly) 6 weeks.   Our group was led by an outstanding Alz. social worker, whose experience was equivalent to leading a business group.   We had workbooks, and manuals, and discussed the topics at meetings, which often took different directions when one of the group was having particular problems.

This wasn't just a gripe group though; it was the kind of problem solving I saw in professional organizations.

But it also provided outreach and camaraderie.    Hosted by the local Jewish Federation, we gathered for coffee or tea, and tempting Danish and other fattening treats.    So it provided not only education, but respite, and camaraderie for other caregivers. 

If there are no active programs at any Alz. group in your area, you might want to check and see if the DVD is still available.
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Ginny, over the years I've found that the nonprofit hospitals, especially those in cities where hospitals are affiliated with universities, offer the best selection of support groups.    I'm not religious, but I'd start with the local Catholic hospitals.

Some larger or chain facilities with rehab, AL, and memory care facilities also offer support groups on site.

The local Alzheimer's Assn. is very helpful in finding resources, as it the local Jewish Welfare Federation in my area.   Lastly, Senior Centers may be of help.   I usually call the ones in the most wealthy areas as they have more support and extremely well developed support along with helpful and competent staff.

If you can't find one, or one that suits you, you can always start your own.  It sounds as if you have organizational and/or leadership skill in hosting the women and trauma group.   

In fact, is the group's mission to focus on any kind of trauma?   If so, I would consider caring for an older person traumatic, at various levels, but certainly enough to justify its inclusion in your existing group.   Just create it a subgroup, if necessary.

Good luck; please let us know what works out for you; I'm sure this need could benefit many of us.
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I actually live in a suburb of Atlanta, and wrote a book about caring for my mom with Alzheimer's entitled:"My Mother Has Alzheimer's and My Dog Has Tapeworms: A Caregiver's Tale." My mom could be a bit stubborn too, even under the best of circumstances, and Alzheimer's just intensified it at times. There was a phone support group through www.alz.org. Hope this helps. R. Lynn Barnett
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What is your actual need? If you are struggling to get her take important meds you can call any NH and ask them for advice. Your mother is not "stubborn" in the normal sense anymore, she has a broken brain with dementia. You won't be able to reason or logic your way through issues with her anymore. Do you have her durable PoA? Hopefully you do so you have the authority to work in her best interest even when she doesn't "like" it.

Also you can contact your local area's Council on Aging (sometimes called Agency on Aging) -- they know lots of resources. Good luck!
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