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I've tried EVERYTHING before doing an er dump (awful term btw) but I got nothing left. The state isnt doing crap and the one remaining caregiver is about to leave. My dad who is 87 with stage 5 parkinsons is out of his mind even after being treated for uti. My 85 year old insane mom is awful. On advice from his pcp, were taking him to er tomorrow and saying "unsafe discharge " to anyone we see. But we cant get him into a car - physically. Sirens trigger my mom and dad. Can an ambulance come without lights or noise?

If you prefer the more gentle "social admit" to the ER, then that term will suffice Peanut.

Sorry about the ambulance noise, but I am afraid you can no longer practice the "niceties" of what triggers others and what doesn't.
The LAST THING IN THE WORLD NOW that you will do is to tell a 911 or ambulance that this isn't an emergency. THAT IS NOT AN OPTION, In fact your are going to have to lie your bottom off that it IS an emergency and that you parent is lashing out of control and must be transported to ER.

Once your parent is there you will LEAVE and return home. If they are living in your home you will tell them that the parent cannot return, and you are physically, emotionally and mentally unable to continue care. You will call APS and tell them the same. You will demand placement.

I cannot remember all the specifics in your case, but you've been here with us a long time Peanut. It is time to call in ALL THE TROOPS now, from Social Workers to APS to elder law attorney. If you cannot go on as POA, or having parents with you or unsafe alone at home, then you need to let all entities know you are standing back.

You may be threatened with abandonment dependent on how much care you have already taken on. Let them know they can take you to court, but you ARE not going to be involved in care you cannot mentally, physically or emotionally do now.
If the state takes on care, then know you don't get to participate in any way in when, where, why or how placement occurs or in the management of your parents assets; that would go into the hands of the state should they accept guardianship.

So step #1. Call ambulance. Too bad about the sirens. So your father is lashing out and dangerous to the household. Be certain to INCLUDE that you FEAR FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR MOTHER.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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I think the patient has to be truly actively dying and the ambulance in a rush for them to run the sirens. When my Mom had a fall and called 911 they didn't come with the sirens on. My neighbor 2 doors down was dying of a blood cancer at home and his wife called the ambulance many times and they never came with the siren on. But this may all depend upon the ambulance company, or the county. I think when you call 911 you can ask them not to have them on.
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Reply to Geaton777
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You can ask the dispatcher and say why. However sometimes there are laws or policies governing this, such as requiring them to be used in neighborhoods to alert pedestrians and drivers to their presence. But it's worth asking since jurisdictions have different rules. I wish you well with this challenging process. Let us know how it goes.
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Reply to MG8522
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