I've tried EVERYTHING before doing an er dump (awful term btw) but I got nothing left. The state isnt doing crap and the one remaining caregiver is about to leave. My dad who is 87 with stage 5 parkinsons is out of his mind even after being treated for uti. My 85 year old insane mom is awful. On advice from his pcp, were taking him to er tomorrow and saying "unsafe discharge " to anyone we see. But we cant get him into a car - physically. Sirens trigger my mom and dad. Can an ambulance come without lights or noise?
Now important, if you want her transported in you are going to have to lie like a rug. You are going to have to claim things that make them question whether a stroke or some other dire thing is happening. You are going to need to go on about rapid change, garbling, word salads, weak, you have no idea what is happening. Even some lashing out and inappropriate behavior.
This will get her into a cubicle in ER in a way that just showing up and ushering her out of the car will NOT. You will then say she cannot return home without full assessment. You will refuse to have her back at the home without admission and check.
Immediately on Monday you begin with "She cannot return home. We need to see discharge planning and social workers NOW".
And yes, you already know the magic bullets of knowing "unsafe discharge" and I will report you to JCAHO (Joint Commission on Accreditation of Hospitals).
Good luck, Peanut. Remember. A) This is an emergency. B) Leave the premises if you must; but do not allow them to transport her home C) you cannot go back on this; they won't buy it twice D) you are forced against the wall now, and lies are a sad fact at this point.
I hope you will update us.
Whether or not they come lights and sirens to the house depends a lot on how they receive the call.
How are you going to convince your mom and dad that dad needs to get into the ambulance and go to the hospital? Do you think it might be better if mom was "out" for the day when this happens, if that can be accomplished?
Now, as to your dad's PCP - it is all well and good for this doctor to recommend a social admit to YOU, but is he (she?) willing to put his money where his mouth is and contact the hospital - or better yet, go in person if it's a hospital in which he has privileges - and add his voice to yours, telling the staff that, in his medical opinion, your dad is no longer safe being at home? Because I would imagine that would make this process much smoother for everyone.
I would try to convince the ambulance team to take dad to the hospital to which dad's PCP is affiliated, if they would be willing and able to do so. Then dad's PCP can go in and maybe help convince the powers that be - including mom and dad - that this situation at home is not safe, and dad needs placement.
Good luck to you.
When we got to the ER we told them the truth. He lived with my 94 y/o mother and she could no longer take care of him. They needed someone there 24/7 now because they both had a lot of needs and there wasn't enough money to do this. I lived in California and was not moving back to NYC and my sisters both worked. I told everyone that we encountered in the ER the same thing. This is an unsafe discharge. He cannot go back home. We met with the social worker at the ER and she fully understood what we were doing and agreed with us and made it happen.
He was admitted to the hospital for three days, they found some reason to admit him and then he went off to rehab. When a long term care bed came available at this facility he was transferred to the long term care wing. We are nearing the third anniversary of his going into this nursing facility.
Sorry about the ambulance noise, but I am afraid you can no longer practice the "niceties" of what triggers others and what doesn't.
The LAST THING IN THE WORLD NOW that you will do is to tell a 911 or ambulance that this isn't an emergency. THAT IS NOT AN OPTION, In fact your are going to have to lie your bottom off that it IS an emergency and that you parent is lashing out of control and must be transported to ER.
Once your parent is there you will LEAVE and return home. If they are living in your home you will tell them that the parent cannot return, and you are physically, emotionally and mentally unable to continue care. You will call APS and tell them the same. You will demand placement.
I cannot remember all the specifics in your case, but you've been here with us a long time Peanut. It is time to call in ALL THE TROOPS now, from Social Workers to APS to elder law attorney. If you cannot go on as POA, or having parents with you or unsafe alone at home, then you need to let all entities know you are standing back.
You may be threatened with abandonment dependent on how much care you have already taken on. Let them know they can take you to court, but you ARE not going to be involved in care you cannot mentally, physically or emotionally do now.
If the state takes on care, then know you don't get to participate in any way in when, where, why or how placement occurs or in the management of your parents assets; that would go into the hands of the state should they accept guardianship.
So step #1. Call ambulance. Too bad about the sirens. So your father is lashing out and dangerous to the household. Be certain to INCLUDE that you FEAR FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR MOTHER.