I need surgery but I have no help with my mom. What am I going to do? - AgingCare.com

I need surgery but I have no help with my mom. What am I going to do?

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I do everything at home myself. I may need abdominal surgery. How am I going to take care of my mother. I need to empty commodes, wash clothes, go to supermarket, clean house help...........

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caregiver00 - who's going to look after you? In the past 14 years I've had three back surgeries for ruptured discs and a radical hysterectomy- if it weren't for my dear hubby taking two weeks of vacation time - each time - I don't know how I would have managed... even in spite of the fact he doesn't seem to know what the purpose of a vacuum cleaner is.
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My mom broke her femer and was in hospital where I work for 2 weeks. After that she went to rehab for a FEW WEEKS. after I HAD WORKED 3 12 HOUR SHIFTS AT THE LOCAL HOSPITAL I WENT HOME TO MY MOTHERS AND DECIDED TO MOP HER FLOORS. WELL ABOUT ONE HOUR LATER I TURNED JUST THE WRONG WAY AND HEARD A SNAP. I could not walk, it was my knee that I was told needed to be replaced the next time I had a issue with it.
Well, after seeing my ortho doctor I was told I had to have it replaced. Mom arrives home February 19 and I go in for surgery on March 14. Now what?? My nephew came down "TO HELP"... The topper was that he decided to go to a disc gold tournament on the Friday the 11 of March on Monday the 14 I was scheduled for surgery and that was the point of him coming here to help while I was having surgery and re coop for awhile. It never failed when ever I asked him to get her vitals twice every day. He ignored me and so then my mom began to do the same thing. I was furious. It was time to refill her medication containers for the next three weeks. I had everything written down very clearly and mom had a morning, noon and night container for the week. He blamed me for not coming over to take care of my job. He said I sure do not know anything about caregiving because I let her run out of her medications. I hobbled into my car, not suppose to drive yet, rushed over to moms to find out that she had 3 days left in her containers of medications. After that he informed my mom he needs to go back home and when she asked him to do anything around the house for her he would say , "I did not sign up for this!" Like I told my mom and him your not alone because none of us signed up for this. It just happens and that's when family is suppose to come together to help each other out as much as they can. Well, my nephew split my mom could not get him out of here fast enough as when she went to get her stashed money to pay for his bus ticket home, she discovered that it was all gone??? This was not the first time this particular nephew helped himself to her stashed money.
. The sad thing is that mom can nnot bring here f to talking to him about it. Like she said, He would only blame me or whatever he thought up. But he would never admit to anything.
He knew the pressure he was putting om-n me by leaving. He said I was faking my pain and swelling. I had my knee replaced and had extensive physical therapy to attend 3 times a week. nOW I HAVE TO BECOE MOMS CAREGIVER ALSO. iT WAS HONESTLY TO MUCH FOR ME. iT EVEN PUT STRESS ON MY MARRIAGE AS MY HUSBAND FELT LEFT OUT. hE WAS BECAUSE AFTER DOING MY pt AND EXERCISES DAILY I WOULD THEN GO TO MOMS AFTER GROCERY SHOPPING FOR HER AND HELP OUT WITH CHORES SHE NEEDED TO HAVE DONE. cHANGE HER SHEETS, DO DISHES, LAUNDRY, MOP, VACUUM, DUST, YARD WORK, IT WAS NEVER ENDING. SO, BY THE TIME IT WAS 6PM I WOULD GO TO MY HOUSE AND THEN MY HUSBAND WANTED TO KNOW WHY I HAD NOT HAD ANYTING PLANNED FOR DINNER. aLL I WANTED TO DO WAS SIT DOWN ELEVSTE MY LEG, PUT MY ICE MACHINE ON MY KNEE AND RELAX F0POR A WHILE.. tHEN MY MOMS DOCTOR SAID SHE NEEDS FULL TIME CARE AT HER HOUSE AS SHE WOULD OT MOVE TO OURS. sO I MOVED TO MOMS IN June. mY MARRIAGE IS NOT SO GOOD THESE DAYS. WE ARE TRYING. But mom doesnot get it. she has never had to work for a living and is use to being spoiled. She is to cheap to hire anyone to help me out. She will not pay me a cent.

In November she decided she should not frive anymore. So, we traded in both the cars we had for a new 2016 Chevy TRax. I was not able to get a loan for the car so my mom paid cash for the balance of this car after trade ins were decucted. Mom agreed for me to pay her $200 a month until paid off.
All he did was go disc golfing in the day time and then tattoos in the evening having several friends over for these tattoos. Leaving mom to fend for herself. It was a nightmare. Espically because I had surgery and was not able to get around yet.it was very hard to be the onlu caregiver. mom decisded not to drive now so I am taking her where ever she needs to go. I have no time to myself or see my husband. My mom is very selfish. She doesnot know how hard it is to be doing her care and my rehab. She is to cheap to pay for anything. I am about to go nuts. She will not allow me to hang anything of mine up on her walls. I feel stuck in her spare room with no closet. She is always complaining to me about everything. she will not do her exercises to get strength back in her arms and legs. she always hads a excuse. she wont get out of bed til 11am. then blames me if I did not wake her. I

I do not know what to do. I need some money to pay some of my bills. She wants twice as much monthly for the car payment now. I am just so sick of feeling like a slave that is not appreciated and the rst of my family wants to put her in a home. she refuses. sao here I am...
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Caregiver, I'm not sure what kind of abdominal surgery you are having, but, please be cautious with lifting, pulling, etc. in your recovery. My mother did not heed warnings about her healing after surgery and it resulted in a series of hernias that are difficult to remedy, even with more surgeries.
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You can't take care of your mother if you need to rest, limit lifting, shopping, etc.

You can hire an agency to come in temporarily and care for your mother, and/or both of you, or you can find a rehab or other facility that provides respite care while you're recovering. Private duty staff can handle the errands. But be aware that some things might not get done to your own satisfaction, but that can always be a part of hired care.

You can hire private duty staff through an agency for the chores you mentioned, but if your mother needs 24/7 care, you'll need a higher level of care. You might talk to one or more of your mother's doctors to see if there's a way they can script for more care through whatever insurance she has. I rather doubt that 24/7 could be provided, but it's worth a try.

I'm in the process now of locating potential respite care in the event of a power outage and I can't get out to rescue my parent. I contacted my local Area Agency on Aging and asked if they were aware of any places that provided respite in his area. Information will be sent to me. In the meantime, I'm contacting places I know provide good support for patients to find out costs for respite care.
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You would need to hire help for a few weeks. Home Care Agencies (not Home Health) can send out a person to do a needs assessment. As much or as little as you need and can afford. Alternatively, you might look into respite care for mom in an assisted living facility.
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