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My place is just too small for both my Mom and myself and it's starting to drive me nuts. Since my Mom sold her home we have the resources to buy a home versus the apartment I have been renting which would give us more room and I would have privacy. I have been house hunting and found a home that would be perfect for both of us yet I'm nervous about purchasing a home, it's mostly cash so our expenses would not be much, about the same as what I have been paying for renting my place. I just need more space! My Mom and I are constantly bumping into each other and I have very little privacy. Thoughts?

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I was reading some of your old posts and saw that mom has dementia and had difficulty adjusting when she moved in with you. Here are some thoughts I had:

While I appreciate your need for your own space I wonder what your plans are for the future... do you plan to care for her until the end? It would be unfair to move her now unless you are absolutely certain you will not need to move her again when her care needs increase.

Also, you have sibs, so you can not really use mom's money to buy a home without some push back from them, either now or in the future after she passes on.

With all her equity tied up in home ownership you will have less ready cash to pay for home care when she needs it.
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Since you had been renting before moving your mom in with you I wonder if you would prefer that over home ownership, what if you looked for a larger apartment or a townhouse unit? Or would your mother agree to adult daycare - a break for you and socialization for her? You might even want to consider something in an IL or AL community since services would be more readily available there.
And I'm sorry about the loss of your brother.
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I'm always cautious about someone who may need Medicaid eventually, because of the 5 year lookback period. If large sums of the applicant's money were used to purchase a house, that is in someone else's name, it might be considered as gifting, which could be an issue. It's not basic needs for her care that might be the problem. That's why I always suggest a professional opinion.

Also, I'd keep in mind that if you get a new place, you might need things like handicap accessible bathrooms, grab bars, large doors, etc. I'm sure others here can tell you what you might need to have installed to make it possible for her to live in the home. Many dementia patients become wheelchair bound and need room for that.
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Goodness - so many typos I don't know where to begin - but will settle for the two at the end. I am LOVING my new puppy and COMMITTING to a house is bigger than to a puppy.
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Yes buying a house is a huge commitment and I'm not sure if I want to commit to such a big responsibility. My Mom and I have been looking at homes for over 4 months now but couldn't find the right house until about a month ago.

I owned a home a long time ago and I remember all the work that went into home ownership. I like renting because if there's a problem I just call the landlord and it's fixed.

My only private place is my bedroom (I have a 3 bedroom apartment). My Mom and I both have our own bathrooms which is nice. I think my mistake was when my Mom sold her house she wanted certain pieces of her furniture and that's cluttering up my apartment leaving us no room to walk around freely without an obstacle course.

After reading all the comments I think I should just get rid of most of my Mom's furniture in order to make my apartment clutter-free.

What about my Mom's money? Should I put in my name since I have POA (financial and medical)?

Thanks, Jenna
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About the money, if I were you I would go to the professionals for advice. You need to consider the best way to invest it wisely, the possibility that something unforeseen may happen and she will one day need medicaid, and also do some long term planning to avoid fees/taxes/probate and ease the transition of assets when that time comes.
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oh for sure...get a bigger place!!!! you both would feel better. get a condo or townhouse so that you are not taking care of yard!! take care.
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I'm a single woman caring for my mom as sole caregiver with no family help. I live 4 blocks away not with her - she is in her own apartment with 24/7 aides provided throught the NHTD Medicaid Waiver program, but I am always there taking care of meds, food shopping, supervision, being daughter and caregiver) I didn't think I would be in my little apartment for as long as I have been (moved to be close to mom) and often long for more space. I, too, have thought about getting something bigger to accomodate mom and me as she continues to decline (dementia and health - she is 94 y/o) and something with more amenities (life a washer and dryer, etc.) My reality check was this:
1) a house takes a lot of maintenance and that means, time energy and money. As it is time, energy and money mostly go toward mom right now so realistically it would be another huge commitment that will make my life tougher at this point;
2) If I were to move now to a larger place outfitted for the disabled and mom's needs, is that where I will want to live when mom passes away? Will I then need to move again?
3) Now for mom's sake I need to be near to conveniences, but my dream would be to live in a quieter more rural settling. So, will I be short-changing myself with such a commitment that does not meet my future desires and really will not lend much to mom's life at this time?
4) The change would be very hard on mom with dementia. Just being in the hospital or rehab for a couple of weeks totally messes with her head and she becomes much more disoriented, insecure and doesn't know where she is supposed to be permanently (e.g. always moving). She needs what is familiar around her and she needs her age old routines;
5) Given how tired I feel now, the thought of taking on a home purchase and a move when I think realistically about all that entails is overwhelming;
6) So very sorry for the loss of your brother. Grief is a funny thing - the way it plays with our emotional selves and our psyches. In a way, when our parents have dementia we already start to grieve the loss of the person we knew and loves and we grieve for what the illness does to them. It is a very hard time in life and more difficult for you with the passing of your brother. I'd say hang tight and try working on small things that might make your life and your mom's life better and easier. You didn't say much on the privacy part and don't know how small your apartment is now. I imagine it must be difficult to have a freer adult life, entertain friends privately, etc. which is a necessary part of maintaining your own "self" and mental health as you care for your mom. Maybe you can try to be good to your self and do things that bring you happiness, in addition to trying to care for and provide happiness and stability for your mom. God bless you and Good Luck!
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If the money from the sale of her home is deposited in her name, then she won't qualify for Medicaid until it's spent down to $2,000. However, Medicaid does not attach the value of a home for an applicant. (State laws vary, I'd check with your State.) With a home of her own, with you living in it as both daughter and caregiver, it will be easier to prove she only has $2,000 in cash. This would also effect (somewhat selfish) your inheritance, give you a larger space for the future. If you no longer wish to own a home, you can sell it later. It could even appreciate a bit in value, especially if you have retrofitted to ADA standards.
Contrary to what others have said, renting is a drain on resources that you can never get back. So I would have your Mother, in her own name, purchase a home for herself. You can do the choosing and sign papers for her with a POA (assuming you already have that). Medicaid understands that a person has to have a home to live in.
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I read these medicare issues & wonder at you all - I live in Canada & there is no looking back 5 years/use up family assets until less than $2000.00 - when you need help you get it, you pay your am't per month mandated by the province & that's tax deductible on income tax as a medical expense - I not moving south anytime soon ..no way... no how

I know a couple who went around the world literally for a year & their health care insurance was 1/2 if they did not go to U.S.A. - it's a money grab as far as I can see - I'm looking into investing in it as that's 'free' money as I see it - I pay $2347CDN$ [approx. $1760.25 US$] for my mom's private room with meals, laundry, nursing care, meds dispensing [gov't pays all but $200.00 a year for her ... diabetes & all], physio 2x a week plus about 10 recreational interactions

Good luck to you all - fyi Canadian gov't info lines repeatedly crashed from 9 Nov on from calls from U.S.A. - get in line because we don't just take anyone you must show you will be an asset to our community - what you say is an invasion of your liberties is bullroar - here we no longer go broke taking care of a sick family member but if you want to have the liberty of going broke doing so then enjoy - I read so much about this that I am gobsmacked that you put up with that treatment from your gov't ...... staying this side of border for now & maybe for ever - M
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