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Mom has severe dementia. I am her 24/7 caregiver. She needs help getting into and out of bed, is mostly incontinent, resists taking showers, is a fall hazard and hard to get her up when she does fall, and can be very contrary and stubborn, at times resisting anything I try to do for her or ask her to do. She was recently in hospital for uti and low grade pneumonia. Is now in a rehab facility. I want her to be able to come home, but I will need help now, as my back was starting to hurt before she went into the hospital, and I don't think I can go back to the constant physical and emotional demands without any help. Her health insurance only provides in-home care (a nurse comes out and takes her vitals, a physical therapist comes and gets her to exercise her legs for about 30 minutes, and a nurses aid comes and tries to get her to take a shower, sometimes successfully) several times a week for only a few weeks. We cannot afford any in-home care beyond that. I am thinking of offering room and board to an individual or couple, for reduced or no rent in exchange for help with mom. Maybe a nursing student? I would need someone who understands dementia and who mom would respond well to. Mostly I need someone who can help me get her into and out of bed, who can help me get her up if she falls, and who can watch her, (including assisting her when she walks around and helping her with toileting/diaper change) for a few hours several times a week so I can go run errands or (gasp! spend time with friends, you know, do some things for myself, like they always say we should), run errands occasionally, and can occasionally keep her occupied while I am home so I can get some things done at home without constant interruption. My biggest concern is getting someone who would look good initially but turn out to be dishonest or, even worse, abusive.


Mom will most likely be discharged within a week, and while in the rehab facility they keep calling me to ask me to come in and stay with her because she constantly tries to get out of bed during the night and during the day when she is not in physical / occupational therapy or being fed, she won't stay in her wheelchair for more than a few minutes before trying to stand up and she is not steady enough to stand or walk alone, and they are not allowed to put a seat belt on her in the chair, or railings on the bed, and they have to take care of the other patients too and can't watch her every second. So, what I thought might be a short time of respite for me (visiting her, but having some time at home to catch up on some rest and get things done that are hard to do with her home) has not turned out to be much better than when I had her here and took care of her myself, and does not give me much time for looking for the person or couple I need to help. It is hard to get started on anything because at any moment the rehab place might call me and tell me they need me to come in.


Oh, also, the rehab place is saying that If I can't come in and watch her when she is restless and needs constant attention, I need to "hire a sitter" to come in and watch her. That would have to be 24/7 because you can't predict when she will be contented and when she will be restless. At least they finally started giving her a sleeping pill last night so she finally slept thru the night, but she will still need someone during the day. If I could afford to "hire a sitter" full time for the days, I would take her home and hire someone to do it at home, but I can't afford it!


Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

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Clearview2020 - You just replied to a question posted 6 years ago.
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Please calle at your convenience and I know that we can help each other so perfectly. I can and want the room and board in exchange for taking great care of your mother. Where are you, etc.?
I was excited, just now, when i read and, finally, found the right home for me and the good works I am will and want to do for you and your mother.
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worriedinCali Nov 9, 2019
This isn’t an employment board and this post is 6 years old! Please READ the date of the last reply before you post.
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Why are posts this old not archived or at least set that responses are not accepted.
The post is from 2013.
And to any one that does respond do NOT leave your name and phone number on a forum like this or any for that matter. Use your head people!
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I am very intersted in caring for your Mom..i can help most anytime..i am 60 years old and in atrong mental and physical help..i understand dementia and Alzheimers. I have cared for many types of illness and i am certified Home Health Aid..I also have my first aid and CPR certificates..please call me as i would like to live in..i am honest and a good Christian lady
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Hello,
i am also looking for a possible live-in care provider. Anyone seeking opportunity in SF Bay Area?
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worriedinCali Jun 16, 2019
This isn’t the place to seek employment or employees......
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Hi my name is Kim.I am available to discuss the position above listed for live in care for your mama.My mother has dementia and my father just passed with Alzheimer's..I have my mother now in a nursing home and and I am in need of a place to live.I have 30 yrs of experience in the Health field from Nursing care to Dr office to E R to HomeHealthCare, Private Duty, to medical assistant,I look forward to hearing from you. Thank You for your time.
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People! This post is 6 years old. She probably doesn’t need the same help now.
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anonymous903302 May 22, 2019
OMG. 6 years old. How to know if the OP is even following anymore?

Maybe the new answers can help others however ?
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I have lots experience with elderly I volunteerd with my mom growing up in her working nursing home my husband also worked for handicap hospital for few years hes amazing only thing i have kids witch u have two of us who can do the job so one can manage kids while other caring for you mum we dont drink or party we dont carriee drama
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Is this position still available and is it in louisiana
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Hi where are you guys located my name is Tammy im not a nurse or anything but I took care of my grandmother when she was sick with cancer at the time I had just graduated high school and could of gone to any college I wanted I had all straight A's but my grandma was sick everyone wanted to put her in a nursing home but I went to see her she begged me please don't let them put me in a nursing home I want to die at home she told me so I took her out of the hospital signed her out against the drs will I remembered how good she was to me growing up she was 90 at the time and I took care of her I love helping people I would be willing to stay there and take care of your mom I was teaching dance to children like ballet jazz tap but our studio wasn't getting enough business and we had to close down so I am currently looking for a place this might be a win win situation we may be able to help each other out.
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OMG!! Thank you. You are me... I want to say so many things to ignorant folks that spout out about $$ whatever? give a girl a break. I am going through this alone and its so hard & sad. I'm trying to find live in help and I have no clue where to begin. It's so draining and difficult. Thank you, for not making me feel so alone going through this. Yes. need live in, Don't know going rate but I'm open for assistance/help/I dunno??//
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Spardiamond Jul 2018
Hello my name is Miss Porter I was wondering what area you were in...I am in the inland empire.
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First off I would get in touch with an elder care attorney and in some states, Medicare does not touch your car nor your home. Then put some feelers out there on Craigslist, penny saver, Facebook marketplace, go to nursing homes and ask a CNA if they know of someone to help out, friends, family and church and see if there is someone willing to help you so you can get a break. You can only do just so much by yourself. I have been going through this for a year now and she is no relation to me and it is hard and sometimes I just want to throw in the towel but I am all that she has. Good luck and I will say a prayer for you. I don’t know you but I am very proud of you for what you are doing. Stay strong.
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Give me your number Kabeena; I too went thru what u are going thru with my mom; I am a student at USD, in the Masters health Care informatics program
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This question was asked five years ago and I hope everything worked out ok. This poor lady was on the edge and I feel awful for what she had to go through. I hope she found some peace.
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Hello, You have been an amazing daughter!!!! I have been taking care of my father over the last few years but I've always had a caregiver to help while I was at work. I had to sell my fathers house in order to pay for care but I had a house of my own. I use Care.com and pay $10.00. I take care of my father after work and on weekends but it is tough and tiresome. I tried to hire a live in, but I found homeless people instead. I may try it again. In your situation where you are a full time caregiver, I would try looking on Care.com to see if anyone is interested in room and board for helping with your mom. You do most of the work and I think a caregiver will be able to help you at night so you can sleep. They have screening options on Care.com for background checks and some have reviews. Part of the work for the caregiver would be to cover 4 days and a few nights. You could then find a job while the caregiver is there. We have a radio spy recorder at my fathers so I can look back to see what is going on. It was not expensive either and it gives me peace of mind knowing I can always look at the video if need be. God Bless and Stay Strong!
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How did it turn out with your mom? I'm currently in the same situation.
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I'm looking for something to do in my life,since I'm on SsI, I feel like I can do more to help people in exchange for R & B... I get along with alot if people of all ages, I'm a very compassionate lady, I'm a caregiver by Heart. Karen
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There is a org. called eldercare.org they do background checks & will Taylor to the needs you want.
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Dear Kabena, I live in Minnesota and I don't know if things are different in your State, but you should be able to be paid as a PCA for your mother through Medicaid. Or, you could hire PCA's to come to your home through Medicaid. Hope that helps. I have a great deal of compassion for you, having to be your mother's 24/7 caregiver. You could even check with your county to see if you could get respite care. I'm putting you and your mother in my prayers. I hope you get the help you need!
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I live in tampa fl and looking for home health aid aswell possible room and board ..dont drink dont smoke trying to live a peacful honest life ..dont like drama fake liers ..im very bold smart determined wise funny loving u name it just dont play me..gbu ......
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Ooh yes kabeeena july 5 2013....older post wonderen how things are thats all your story touched my heart from fallenangel....gbu
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I was browsen and fell deeply for this ladys heart statement about her mom dementia..and the pain i felt from her how she devoted her time and her heart to her own mom witch is very very veryyyyy difficult bcuz it does takes you time and your life ...just to care for the lovley lady that gave her life ..when she could of tryed to get rid of her like some ppl do witch is very evil my mom gve me away out of 4 sibbling why bcuz she was abussed.i tryd so hard to reach for them but they didnt love me ..even if i took my shirt off for them did bvk flips for them not enough ..anyway my mom got sick and who visit her who paid her bills. Who who who well me bcuz my 2 evil sisters got tierd and didnt want the headache..so now i help til she recoverd w anger and animosity anger u name towards me ..even if i new she didnt love me i told her i forgove you.than one day she got sick sick sick my evil sistters killed her by telling the doc let her in peace .i still got my brothers voice in my head w bad news.omg omg ..not to mention she took care of her mom as well and so did i bcuz i loved my grama out of 100 niece nephews daughters sons no one wanted to take care of my grama bcuz she was like this poor ladys mom thay hot dementia..i feel her my grama was worse she jumped fences pick locks break windows u name so she can go home w her mom and dad that i think is she want to go to heaven..i put up with that helping spending the night w my kids as well while everyone lived their life happy ..so sad that ppl have to put them in nursing homes witch some are good some abuse hit them realy nasty thing to do to an elderly youtube is full of abusive mean ppll but i read it was year 2013 i belive and now we in 2016 im wonderen how the ladys doing and her mom for those ppl that going threw that ..remember that your mom and dad gave you life and nurtured you and a true christian person who fear God nos you should care for them bfor God takes them bcuz those moments will dispear gone gone and they will be in piece and no longer be a reminder how she got from changen your dippers to crumbling up of pain and hardaches and lifes beatdown thst we all have to experience one day or worse..i was browsing heslth aid or room and board as well that came across that ladys story that broke my hesrt and wished i could of helped her ..bcuz i do have a hesrt condition and have love and compation and patience for elderlys and dissble..my key board lost lite sorry for the miss spelled gbu ..love the fallen angel 8/2016
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where is this home located?
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Be sure to vet them well. All kinds out there are looking for something free. Best wishes.
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Go to craiglist sweetheart I see you are struggling so much with your mom, you poor thing, Just post a short add saying free rent in exchange to care for mom. you will see all the replies you get. That's how i got my caregiver, she is great. she has her own room and bath and it works for her. luck sweetheart.
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I just realized, too, this is older, so really rather than address the actual issue, I'm wondering why, if Kabeena grew up in this home, unless she's really young and mom's developing this at somewhat of a young age, why this home isn't paid off by now
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I no this is an older post but o just wanted to say ur mom must have been an amazing mother to u u r a wonderful daughter to have given up so much of ur life to care for her and if u lived near us we would have happily taken that job and we would have helped u with groceries ajd anything else we had been able to i truly hope things r better for u now n its awful the way some ppl treated u on here just for askin for a little help at some point in everyones life they will need some form of help n i hope np pne makes them feel bad for it good luck & may God Bless u & ur mother
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Big hug from me! Yes do not skip the background check, and Please DO THE NANNY CAM. I myself am looking for somewhere to live in exchange for light house keeping, and would expect you to have nanny cams for your moms safety. I dont think your asking for too much. But you may have given up on the day care too soon, those different activities had a calming effect on my mother. At first it was wild, but eventually it gave her an almost more acceptable level of confusion to deal with, which must make sence to you by now. And I dont think your paying enough attention to your own Peace of mind, your talking about it, so you know, but yes its important to think and brainstorm less and be able to enjoy and accept this time that you have with your mom, if I was close I would volunteer just because YOU deserve it.
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Have you considered looking around for another caregiver with a parent they currently care for? There are non-profit homeshare finder services in California depending on where you are you might check in with one. As far as the caregiving and issues of toileting and behavior, your best chance of finding someone is to reach out to someone who is already doing it and needs a place for themselves and the person they are caring for. Or someone who rents and recently lost the family member they cared for and can't find employment. But personality and life style match is a must. Here is an example of what criteria are important in such an agreement: needhelppayingbills

One caveat and warning: You would still need to do thorough background check, including livescan and have a lawyer draft the agreement. Do not use standard boiler plate or leave it to chance. If you are in California you would be stuck with anyone who did not want to leave, even if they weren't a tenant per se. Tenant law and eviction proceedings on top of caregiver issues would be a worry regardless of who you find. So do your homework and hope you do find someone, sometimes people who need help tend to find each other so don't lose hope. Good luck. I wouldn't personally risk it, but if you are going to do it, I hope you find what you are looking for.
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I know you're doing all you can to get through your mom's current situation, but I don't read about your own future after she's gone. If both of you are living off her social security plus monthly support from her sister, where does that leave you when she passes? That may sound cold, but my husband and I have given that a lot of thought, especially because I'm told I may live 20 years more than he. You say your family home still has house payments. How would you manage that without her income? I think if you can get some competent financial /legal advice for your own interests, your next chapter will be much brighter on the other side of your mom's end-of-life issues.
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