I need to get live-in help for mom, in exchange for rent or reduced rent. Any advice on how to go about this?

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Mom has severe dementia. I am her 24/7 caregiver. She needs help getting into and out of bed, is mostly incontinent, resists taking showers, is a fall hazard and hard to get her up when she does fall, and can be very contrary and stubborn, at times resisting anything I try to do for her or ask her to do. She was recently in hospital for uti and low grade pneumonia. Is now in a rehab facility. I want her to be able to come home, but I will need help now, as my back was starting to hurt before she went into the hospital, and I don't think I can go back to the constant physical and emotional demands without any help. Her health insurance only provides in-home care (a nurse comes out and takes her vitals, a physical therapist comes and gets her to exercise her legs for about 30 minutes, and a nurses aid comes and tries to get her to take a shower, sometimes successfully) several times a week for only a few weeks. We cannot afford any in-home care beyond that. I am thinking of offering room and board to an individual or couple, for reduced or no rent in exchange for help with mom. Maybe a nursing student? I would need someone who understands dementia and who mom would respond well to. Mostly I need someone who can help me get her into and out of bed, who can help me get her up if she falls, and who can watch her, (including assisting her when she walks around and helping her with toileting/diaper change) for a few hours several times a week so I can go run errands or (gasp! spend time with friends, you know, do some things for myself, like they always say we should), run errands occasionally, and can occasionally keep her occupied while I am home so I can get some things done at home without constant interruption. My biggest concern is getting someone who would look good initially but turn out to be dishonest or, even worse, abusive.

Mom will most likely be discharged within a week, and while in the rehab facility they keep calling me to ask me to come in and stay with her because she constantly tries to get out of bed during the night and during the day when she is not in physical / occupational therapy or being fed, she won't stay in her wheelchair for more than a few minutes before trying to stand up and she is not steady enough to stand or walk alone, and they are not allowed to put a seat belt on her in the chair, or railings on the bed, and they have to take care of the other patients too and can't watch her every second. So, what I thought might be a short time of respite for me (visiting her, but having some time at home to catch up on some rest and get things done that are hard to do with her home) has not turned out to be much better than when I had her here and took care of her myself, and does not give me much time for looking for the person or couple I need to help. It is hard to get started on anything because at any moment the rehab place might call me and tell me they need me to come in.

Oh, also, the rehab place is saying that If I can't come in and watch her when she is restless and needs constant attention, I need to "hire a sitter" to come in and watch her. That would have to be 24/7 because you can't predict when she will be contented and when she will be restless. At least they finally started giving her a sleeping pill last night so she finally slept thru the night, but she will still need someone during the day. If I could afford to "hire a sitter" full time for the days, I would take her home and hire someone to do it at home, but I can't afford it!

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

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OMG!! Thank you. You are me... I want to say so many things to ignorant folks that spout out about $$ whatever? give a girl a break. I am going through this alone and its so hard & sad. I'm trying to find live in help and I have no clue where to begin. It's so draining and difficult. Thank you, for not making me feel so alone going through this. Yes. need live in, Don't know going rate but I'm open for assistance/help/I dunno??//
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Reply to juleszap
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Spardiamond Jul 29, 2018
Hello my name is Miss Porter I was wondering what area you were in...I am in the inland empire.
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First off I would get in touch with an elder care attorney and in some states, Medicare does not touch your car nor your home. Then put some feelers out there on Craigslist, penny saver, Facebook marketplace, go to nursing homes and ask a CNA if they know of someone to help out, friends, family and church and see if there is someone willing to help you so you can get a break. You can only do just so much by yourself. I have been going through this for a year now and she is no relation to me and it is hard and sometimes I just want to throw in the towel but I am all that she has. Good luck and I will say a prayer for you. I don’t know you but I am very proud of you for what you are doing. Stay strong.
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Reply to Yankeetalker
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Give me your number Kabeena; I too went thru what u are going thru with my mom; I am a student at USD, in the Masters health Care informatics program
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Reply to Anrevette
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This question was asked five years ago and I hope everything worked out ok. This poor lady was on the edge and I feel awful for what she had to go through. I hope she found some peace.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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Hello, You have been an amazing daughter!!!! I have been taking care of my father over the last few years but I've always had a caregiver to help while I was at work. I had to sell my fathers house in order to pay for care but I had a house of my own. I use Care.com and pay $10.00. I take care of my father after work and on weekends but it is tough and tiresome. I tried to hire a live in, but I found homeless people instead. I may try it again. In your situation where you are a full time caregiver, I would try looking on Care.com to see if anyone is interested in room and board for helping with your mom. You do most of the work and I think a caregiver will be able to help you at night so you can sleep. They have screening options on Care.com for background checks and some have reviews. Part of the work for the caregiver would be to cover 4 days and a few nights. You could then find a job while the caregiver is there. We have a radio spy recorder at my fathers so I can look back to see what is going on. It was not expensive either and it gives me peace of mind knowing I can always look at the video if need be. God Bless and Stay Strong!
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Reply to Lisa001
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How did it turn out with your mom? I'm currently in the same situation.
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Reply to missmymom25
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I'm looking for something to do in my life,since I'm on SsI, I feel like I can do more to help people in exchange for R & B... I get along with alot if people of all ages, I'm a very compassionate lady, I'm a caregiver by Heart. Karen
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Reply to gypsykk1
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There is a org. called eldercare.org they do background checks & will Taylor to the needs you want.
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Reply to 4HYBRID4HELP
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Dear Kabena, I live in Minnesota and I don't know if things are different in your State, but you should be able to be paid as a PCA for your mother through Medicaid. Or, you could hire PCA's to come to your home through Medicaid. Hope that helps. I have a great deal of compassion for you, having to be your mother's 24/7 caregiver. You could even check with your county to see if you could get respite care. I'm putting you and your mother in my prayers. I hope you get the help you need!
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Reply to Collill0
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I live in tampa fl and looking for home health aid aswell possible room and board ..dont drink dont smoke trying to live a peacful honest life ..dont like drama fake liers ..im very bold smart determined wise funny loving u name it just dont play me..gbu ......
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