Need immediate legal advice (for Monday morning)... The story continues! Chapter 3

So glad this all is going in the right direction. Please keep us informed.

Glad things seem to be swimming in the right direction!!

Didn't mean to go MIA, but my cousin is turning off everything and harassing.

SO we entered court and the judge interrupted me stating Adult Protective Services is postponing the case. Apparently I got to the right people. I am starting Guardianship as of tomorrow, the DA has started an investigation and things are rolling along.

I am subject to A LOT of harassment at this point, but I look at it as a victory cheer :)

Right now it seems we went from nothing, to 100 things in the air... I will update when some start o land.

Barbara TY for hugs and wishes, they help!

You spoke to the director of the AL and told director that the cousin was not to have further contact with GMA.

Hmmmm. So he gets an order of protection, barring YOU from seeing GMA.

Sounds very much like a family squabble to the court.

You mention that it would have to be " her caregiver, or guardian" who filed for an order of protection. Does GMA have a guardian? You mentioned in a previous post that you were going to file for guardianship. Did you? If you have filed for guardianship, it's important to document that at this hearing.  Getting guardianship is going to cost several thousand dollars.

How did you make requests for funds to be released for home modification? To GMA? Or to cousin?

If you were overheard at NH asking for GMA to release monies, that might be misinterpreted as extortion by someone who doesn't know it's gma's home, not yours, being modified.

Is it possible that GMA complains about you to cousin?

Have you told GMA you suspect cousin is stealing her money?  

Have you talked to Gma's lawyer about any of this?

Do you pay rent to Gma?

I'm not trying to argue with you. I don't need you to answer. I'm just bringing up points that may be raised in court.

Nice Jjariz, well said. I am not emotional enough usually, so that wont be a problem. As far as witnesses, literally nothing happened, so there is no danger of that at all. This is all panic on his part, though his fiction is much better than his forgery skills.

The results from your hearing on Monday will largely be based on credibility. Does the judge find you more credible or your cousin more credible? If you use words like 'kidnap' 'terrorist' 'hostage' 'drugged' the judge will have a preconceived notion that you are a kook.

Will he have a witness to back up his allegations that you made a threat? Do you have a witness to counter what happened? I'd be concerned that someone from the AL home will be there to testify regarding what you said.

Otherwise, focus 100% on the information that shows that the POE contains fraudulent information. Judges hate forgery. Especially forgery on a court document. If s/he agrees with you, then you will have the credibility to press the issue that you have reason to believe that your cousin is 'financially exploiting' Grandma.

Most people in court without an attorney let their emotions get away from them and start off on a tangent. Assume that you will only have 2 minutes to present your case. Write down and practice what you want to say in 2 minutes. S/he doesn't care about the back story. The judge may give you more time, but don't count on it. But if he/she does give you more time, use the next 2 minutes to present the most important information. And if the judge asks you a question, give a short answer with the most important information. Hopefully this will prompt the judge to ask for more information.

Wear business-like clothing. Think 'church clothes.' Arrive 30-60 minutes early and observe. Prepare copies of any documents that you want the court to consider so that you can give them to the judge. Organize and label your paperwork so that you aren't flipping through things.

I get it Jeanne, and I was just venting here a little too. As Rovana put it, I guess I was expecting a "HOLY #$%^ YOU GOT HIM!". And I will admit, I did not fight the general care as hard as I should have. But again, the harassment was pretty constant.

I will update (Chapter 4), and thank you all!

Yup. If it is confusing here, it will be confusing in court.

Be careful that your words are straightforward and factual. "Kidnapping" has a specific meaning. So does "hostage" and "drugged." And I've never heard of a Power Of Attorney referred to as a POE. (Maybe the court has --?) It is fine to express your opinions in hyperbole here or with friends, but I doubt that is the best approach in court.

You've said more than once that "we" put GM in a "temporary" Assisted Living facility after her stroke, so that you could get her house prepared for her new needs. Then you come along and claim that she was kidnapped. What? Can you see why we are confused. It seems we have to get every point clarified, and more than once.

I assume you didn't bring GM home because the house wasn't ready -- right? And why was that? Because financial POA would not release funds for it? If that is what happened, that seems very straight forward to explain. You don't need emotional (and confusing) words. Or have I still got this story wrong?

About the drugs. That was totally your responsibility. Did you take/send your Medical Proxy document to the doctor's office and state that all medical decisions must go through you? Did you arrange to meet with the doctor that you think is overmedicating GM, and get an explanation? Have you talked to the Director of Nursing at the ALF to get their view? Since you are complaining about her medical treatment and you are the one she appointed to be in charge of that, I'm wondering what you've done in the last year to try to improve things? You don't have to answer us -- just be aware this might be confusing to people.

I don't imagine much of this will come up Monday. I think that will probably be limited to whether or not there is cause to keep you away from cousin and/or GM. But the blizzard we are having today is interfering with my crystal ball, so I could be wrong!

I hope it goes well for you on Monday. Come back and educate us on the process!

Very good restatement Mouse, TY.

They were not dated and general allegations except for his recount of the day I visited her. I wasn't alone anyway, I was in the place for only a few minutes and met with the director to revoke my cousin as a contact for any reason. I mean any ridiculous allegations come down to character anyway - I guess that depends on the judge. I was never good at the he said she said stuff...

However, even if I did everything he said, it would be up to her caregiver or guardian to file an order of protection on her behalf based on his story. I think its important to stop this reign of tyranny, he has been way out of control.

The cousin applied for an Order of Protection which will prevent the OP from seeing his grandmother. Among the documents the cousin submitted to the court as part of this application was a Power of Attorney which, in the view of the OP, is an obvious, glaring forgery: the OP states that the signature page within this document was clearly taken from an unrelated earlier occasion when the grandmother did give the cousin permission to operate a bank account on her behalf.

But withoutapaddle, I fear it is you who are missing the point. The Protection Order has been applied for on the grounds that you are alleged to have made violent threats which place your grandmother at risk of serious harm; the POA has absolutely nothing to do with this, nobody even needs POA to make an application for a Protection Order. Will you be able to satisfy the court that you did no such thing?

I don't understand how its confusing... He got greedy, he went to far, I have a chance to end it. But it concerns me that if its confusing here, it will be the same in court.

Kidnapping, terrorism, buying off doctors, fraudulent POA, etc. it's all too much. Like Barb, I'm bowing out of this discussion. It didn't make much sense 5 months ago and it doesn't make much sense now. Just my opinion.

TY Barb :)

Since I'm clearly confused, I'm going to bow out and let the other more qualified posters give advice.

My best good luck to you and GMA.

Her AL is over 12k a month while home care would about 9/10 and partially covered by insurance. Its a nice place. The POA is not proven no, but its REALLY obvious. I mean it has other names on it, fonts, etc... Its not mistakable. And kidnapping is my description of what happened, but its fits the definition well.

My stress on the fraudulent POA is that he has tortured us with it for months. Assuming its completely obvious, I know there is correct move to make. Someone knows the move... I don't.

Quality care at home is far more expensive than an Assisted Living. 24/7 in home care qualified care will run at least $12,000 a month. The POA has not been proven to be fraudulent - that's just your opinion at this point. Were there no charges levied for kidnapping?

Thank you Rovana, I appreciate it. That does actually leave a little light at the end of the tunnel to look for. As for the Sandy stuff, all I was saying is she is tough and stubborn - not at all unclear about her wishes at anytime lol...

I appreciate all of that Freqflyer, but we are losing sight of the issue... But since Barb is confused too, I will elaborate.

She had a stroke, left side paralysis. In addition to our talks in the past about being home, she made myself and my wife promise to take her home when in the hospital. We put her in temp AL to modify the home for that purpose. Then the stalling started from the cousin, later turning to terrorism.

She was listed as combatant because she wanted to go home, so he upped the dose. As i countered, he barraged with doctors (basically throwing $$ at it). Changing insurances, paying for out of pocket doctors, etc... Kidnapped. Administered "mood altering" drugs - drugged.

She is literally a hostage, and everyone praises the staff for their tolerance. Every generation feels they know best, but the truth is we are severely over medicating. But this is topic for another day.

I have to save this woman Monday. I have a badly forged POE, a hostile, scared, over funded cousin with all the time and money to make my life hell, and serious loss of fortitude to deal with.

Just a few words - my sister was a Superior Court Clerk, Los Angeles County, for over 30 years. She always said that the justice system did not always produce what laypeople would call justice. Certain rules and procedures had to be followed, with good reason, but it was often aggravating to people who were looking for justice in a timely manner.

Is the investigation you started with APS proceeding?

As for the disrespect to the Sandy responders - refusing to comply with evacuation requests puts other people in danger - it is not all about you, as they say. Your grandmother may have very strong opinions, but life may not comply with her wishes.

Okay, "drugging and kidnapping"? When did THAT happen?

withoutapaddle, usually when an elder with memory issues says they want to go home, it is not the previous house where they lived.... they want to go back to the house where they were a child, where life was simple and fun. Or sometimes an elder will refer home as "going to the Lord". You need to find out what "home" your grandmother is noting.

If the Grandkids are grade school age or younger, it is not a good mix for an elder with memory issues. The kids should have a memory of Grandmother as this cuddly warm person who is always smiling.... not an elder who will go into different phases of dementia some of which could turn to be violent, and her becoming very jealous of the grandchildren.

I had placed my Mom, who was 97 at the time, into long-term-care because of her serious memory loss, as I wasn't skilled to help her. Even though my Mom was around 85 lbs, it took 2 people to lift her out of bed and into her wheelchair. Something I couldn't do as that 85 lbs was like an 85 lb weight at the gym.

Even in long-term-care, I had learn everything I could about dementia, so I could even talk with Mom. I was using "theraputic fibs" on a regular basis to help her not be so confused. My Mom needed professional around the clock care, big time.

Wasn't being hostile Barb, I appreciate the conversation and advice.

Home care would actually be less expensive than the AL she is in. Actually by far... She clearly stated her wishes. She wants to die at home and doesn't want her life's work and accomplishments  squandered (who doesn't).

I am trying very hard to be the good guy here, set an example for my kids, and the rest of leeching family that turned their backs at the first sign of conflict.

I see the focus here clearly changing. As if forging a POE, drugging and kidnapping a woman for the purpose of monetary gain is OK.

I am asking how to stop this ASAP before he has time to liquidate and/or hide things. There has to be a way... The forged POE is sufficient probable cause in my opinion to at least try.

Paddle, please note that I DIDN'T say that you were motivated by greed.

That's YOUR interpretation of what being GMA's 24/7 caregiver would be. NOTHING could be further from the truth.

Paddle, if she's got paranoia, anxiety and agitation (and it sounds like she does) she needs meds. She needs a qualified geri psych to oversee that. Have you worked with the AL on getting that for her?

Look, most demented elders want to "go home". It is either simply not affordable for them to have 24/7 in-home care, or it's just not enough care for them. In home care givers aren't nurses.

I always compare what my very wealthy and willful Aunt and Uncle had (24/7 "aides" -- folks doing their bidding) vs. what my mom had--middling grade NH care; professionals around the clock and specialist doctors at the ready when something untoward occurred. My mom got MUCH better care on every objective measure.

And may appoint a guardian/conservator.

No Barb, not motivated by greed. Besides, I am not a qualified care giver. I been cooking for her and taking care of her for years thanklessly. She needs to be home because that's what she wanted. Surrounded by her grand kids, decent food and no over medication.

If GM has dementia, the court may decide that she needs the level of care that is offered by Assisted Living.

Does this come down to the fact that cousin wants to pay expensive AL and YOU want to be paid as Gma's in-home caregiver?

THAT is not going to go down well in family court.

If you have medical Power of Attorney you can remove her from Assisted Living. You can also supervise her medication. In fact as medical Power of Attorney these are your responsibilities. Your cousin with financial POA can not stop you from taking her home. Why have you not made a formal complaint to Adult Protective Services regarding the financial malfeasance and thefts from inside the house.  If these thefts have occurred, it would first have to be proven by Adult Protective Services and the court that the Power of Attorney document is fraudulent. Then the court would have to decide to press charges. If found guilty of charges the court would most likely ask for restitution of funds. Putting him jail would serve no purpose. They would expect him to be working and making restitution for monies stolen.